I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?

98 Answers
Last Updated: 05/02/2019 at 4:48am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Top Rated Answers
October 5th, 2018 4:03am
When I came out as pansexual, I actually used a pun/joke to come out and be more comfortable with myself and my parents about the whole idea. Using a joke also majorly helped alleviate some of the tension of the whole thing. Do something that makes you feel the most comfortable with the situation, and doesn’t put extra stress on your girlfriend. It can be a really rough time if your chosen family feels overly pressured to understand right away, and it might take time for her to come to terms with it, just as it did for you. That can also be very worrisome to sit through, as we typically expect our loved ones to be supportive of us immediately. Make sure you know you will be completely safe before you come out. ❤️ Good luck! I support you with my whole heart!
October 6th, 2018 7:58pm
You need to tell her that you'll always love her. Just because you have figured out who you really are doesn't mean that you don't wish to be with her anymore. Having someone to come out to, someone that you can trust, is an absolute blessing. If she truly loves you and sees a future with you she will see a future with whichever version of you that you need to be to be happy. The fear is your biggest issue right now, fear of change and fear of letting people know. Sit her down and be open and honest with her. Peoples reactions can actually surprise you. She may say she knew it all along but didn't want to push, pry or poke you into realizing how unhappy you were.
October 24th, 2018 8:24pm
You know you, you are you. If this is who you are, there’s no changing it. If your girlfriend loves you for you, she won’t care if you’re transgender or not. Tell her in a calm manner, express your concern. If she ultimately doesn’t understand and/or won’t accept it, she doesn’t deserve you. You deserve to be loved and cherished for who you are. There’s nothing different between cisgenders and transgenders, we’re one in the same. The only difference is how open minded we are. Your girlfriend will love you no matter what, and I know it. Because she wouldn’t be with you for years if she didn’t love you.
November 10th, 2018 9:32pm
Coming to terms with being transgender is rarely easy and coming out can be super hard. To start, try and figure out what you girlfriend understands about being transgender. Has she never heard of it before? Does she know everything about? The less she knows, the more you will have to try to educate so that she understands what you are saying to her. When I came out to my parents they didn't understand anything about nonbinary, but I didn't think about that and it went badly just because they didn't understand and I wasn't prepared to help them understand. Explaining to your girlfriend that this doesn't change who you are you are still the person they fell in love with and that you still love them, you have just grown into yourself fully is a good thing to mention. Address her fears, her first thoughts are going to be negative, even if she is the most supporting person on the planet. In her head, this is a big change, and while you've had time to come to terms, shes having to understand everything right in front of you. Give her time to think, pauses in conversations are okay! Answer her questions, and if she isn't asking them, let her know that you are there to answer them!
November 15th, 2018 1:06am
Sit her down and talk to her, if she really loves you she’ll stand by you
January 27th, 2019 3:49pm
I was in the same position. Be honest with yourself 1st and then be honest with her about how you have feeling. Coming tonrerms about how you are ia not an easy ride for you and certainly not for her as she may feel betrayed. Talking is the beatvpolicy but be ready for questions that you may not yet have answers for. Try and re assure her that its not her thats made you feel this way kts tje way you have felt and feel that she is the only person you can trust to tell. Give her time to digest what you have said. Good luck.
April 12th, 2019 10:13am
Be honest with her and give her time to understand. You took time to understand your self , give the same privilege to her as well. Think of the love and understanding for all those years that will all come in play. So be honest give her the information she needs to understand. Nothing comes easy but if you are willing to work for it then you can do anything. I am proud of the fact that you are finally able to be who you truly are. Be you and be awesome. You can and you will do this. :)
May 2nd, 2019 4:48am
One of the best ways to tell her, is to sit down with her, if able to if not try find a time where both of you aren’t busy and simply tell her. Tell her how you feel about being trans. How you felt before coming to terms with it and how you feel after doing so. Help her understand as it goes along. If she has any questions, do your best to answer them so she understands what it’s like and how you are feeling, it’s better to answer lots of questions than to leave her in the dark