I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?
Last Updated: 11/08/2020 at 11:11pm
Anna Pavia, psicologa psychologist counselor
Licensed Professional Counselor
I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.
Top Rated Answers
Hi. First, I just want to say that I think it's wonderful that you've discovered this about yourself. I can imagine that you've been feeling a wide assortment of emotions. Second, I really believe that your girlfriend will not be completely in the dark about this... on some level, she will have sensed that something has been "going on" with you for a long time, but perhaps was never able to put her finger on it. So, you won't be coming at her from left field. Third, however she chooses to respond is HER RESPONSIBILITY. Of course, you want to be kind, loving, and respectful in the tone of voice you use, the moment (and location) you pick in which to tell her, and in the words you choose to communicate your experience. Agree on a time to have an important conversation, and then... just tell her what you've come to know is a deep truth about yourself. Reassure her that this decision has nothing to do with her, your feelings for her, your relationship together, or anything she has (or hasn't) done -- this is about YOU. Remember that how she chooses to respond is all up to her, and not your responsibility. No one can "make" anyone feel a specific way, no matter what they say or do -- she is the ruler of her own reactions, feelings, and behaviours. Finally, trust that your decision in sharing this with her will allow BOTH of you an opportunity to live a life of authenticity and honesty - which is beautiful goal to achieve - even if it means that you decide not to stay together.
My first piece of advice is to come out on your own terms! Do it at a time you feel comfortable and relaxed, a time when you feel at peace. As well, be honest! It will help both your peace of mind and your relationship if you tell her the truth about your gender :) Know that her reaction is only a part of coming to terms with your gender, and that if she does not react well it does not make you any less valid. Please always remember that who you are is the most valid person you can be! :)
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