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I've known I was transgender since I was 11 and my parents don't think I am... They support the LGBT but they said that they would have known at a younger age. Do I have to know at a young age?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 08/10/2020 at 7:20pm
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I have worked with people on a variety issues across a spectrum of issues including grief/loss, adjustment issues, anxiety, depression, medical issues and life transitions.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2017 8:46am
It's a misconception that you have to know your gender at a young age. Identity is quite interesting - some figure certain parts of it at a very young age, others after centuries of living. You're an individual when it comes to figuring out yourself. If you look up stories about other transgenders, you notice that not everyone knew before puberty for example.
basils0up
January 4th, 2017 9:42am
Nope. Gender dysphoria presents itself in a variety of ways, many of which are very subtle. It's also not unusual to not really feel any dysphoria until puberty hits, due to children's bodies being mostly sexless. Personally, I didn't figure it out until I was 20, and plenty of people don't until much later in life. If you check out some of the trans communities online you'll find plenty of stories from people who didn't realise they were trans until their 20's, 30's, 40's etc. On a related note, it's also never too late to transition. I know of one lady who only started recently in her 60's (I think? Might be a little older) and she's getting great results!
Idkbro
January 8th, 2017 2:38am
No. They're is no age restrictions on LGBTQ+ everyone figures out who they are at a different pace. My friend found out she was a trans at age 11-12 as well. You're parents don't understand completely how you feel and who you are. Don't doubt yourself and keep being the wonderful trans you are, even if you parents don't realise it.
Anonymous
December 4th, 2017 5:56pm
Most certainly not. You are you, and you can not compare yourself to others, right? expecially not when we are talking about YOUR identity and YOUR life! Some people find out real quick, others, like me and you, just need a bit more time! Nothing wrong with that, right?
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
August 5th, 2019 9:16pm
There's no right or wrong age to know, the process of awareness can be very complex and it's different for everyone, there are also people who realized who they are much later than you. You can tell this to your family, perhaps find some resources that explain this or some stories of people who found it out later in their life, to prove that it's very personal and it does not invalidate their identity. I know it's hard, but you'll have to be patient, and make sure they give you at least the chance to express you feelings. If they make an effort to be empathetic and to trust the resources you can bring up, they will accept this, one day!
Anonymous
January 17th, 2017 8:38pm
No you don't have to know what you are from a very young age. Some people can find out after decades even into latter adulthood. Some just weren't presented with the awareness they had a choice to be anything other than what sex they were born with or what gender their parents started treating them as. People can be gender fluid and not ever feel inclined to fit into a narrow box society wants to place everyone in. This is totally okay because society is the one that needs to understand how far behind it is on being inclusive enough for everyone. People are too afraid of change.
OrangeWarrior
February 4th, 2017 7:16pm
No, you don't have to know at a young age. Different people realize they're trans at different ages. And that's perfectly okay! We all are individuals, unique and different, and so are our lives. There is a wide variety of reasons one person might realize at 6 and another at 60. And, anyway, when talking about realizing at a 'young age,' how old is that? The answer is that there is nowhere to set the bar, because every person is different. In your life you may know people who realized later or earlier than you, and you all have lived different experiences becase you all are different, unique individuals.
Zee2002
February 5th, 2017 8:54pm
You certainly don't have to. I sure didn't understand whatever my gender is until I was thirteen. Some people know when they're younger, and that's amazing, but for others it take longer. You are totally valid in your emotions. Stay strong
FrantasticTea
February 6th, 2017 5:45am
Not at all. Personally, I only found out that I was gay when I was 20. Some people figure it out as early as 5 years old, some figure it out mid-adulthood. These things are different from person to person as we all have separate experiences.
FinleyTews
May 22nd, 2017 9:01am
It's true that many trans people have known about their true gender identity since childhood, but this isn't necessarily the case. Society has had clearly defined images of what masculinity and femininity look like for ages, so those fixed ideas can have a strong impact on how you identify yourself. Moreover, many people don't realize they're not cisgender until later in life because they don't have the pressure to fit in gender roles where they live. I think gender and sexuality have nothing to do with age, as they're not concepts that are "fixed for life".
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2018 6:53pm
No! You can discover who you are at any age! Some people discover it when they are three and some people when they are 60. You are not to old!
FromDrewWithLove
January 30th, 2018 6:53pm
Not necessarily! Some people figure it out later than others. I figured out for me when I was roughly 13, slightly older than you when you figured it out. Sometimes the signs aren't present when you're younger, especially if you don't completely fit gender roles (I'm a feminine trans boy, so my signs weren't as clear as say a masculine trans boy). While some may show signs when they're really little, for others, it isn't obvious until later on.
chthomas1999
March 13th, 2018 12:29am
You dont at all. Sexuality is constantly changing and evolving with you. The more we grow and educate ourselfs more about ourselfs then we find out things we never clearly knew or understood. Being content with understanding yourself whatever age is the best way to be
RhythmWeaver
May 21st, 2018 10:04am
No, certainly not! Figuring things like that out takes time and that's fine. It's something you carry with you forever.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2018 2:53pm
People discover they are transgender at varying ages. 11 is definitely not too young or too old. You are who you are and sometimes you discover that later in life then expected. You dont have to show young signs in order to be trans!
megsbeautifulrays
June 22nd, 2020 12:13am
You are the person who knows yourself best, it is what you believe about yourself, if you have known since you were 11, then you have know since then. Even being able to identify yourself is a big part in your own journey as an individual. It is what you believe is the truth for yourself, and if that is that you are transgender, age plays no matter in your self truth. You do not have to know your identity at a young age, your timeline is just that, yours. It is of little importance the age you first knew you were transgender, only that you are comfortable with yourself, and your self truth.
fearofthelark
July 9th, 2020 11:10am
Not at all. There are many trans people who realize they're trans at a much older age. One of my best friends only realized she was trans last year and she's over 20. I realized I'm nonbinary at 23. 11 is actually pretty young, but it makes sense, since it's just before or just as puberty hits. It's often with puberty when many trans people have an issue with dysphoria and then realize they're trans. But of course it's also valid to realize being trans at a much older age. It's often that people supress themselves for a long time, trying to live as a cis person and then realize, they can't. Also some trans people don't really deal with dysphoria first, then realize, that they feel way better living as another gender and then maybe get dysphoric when being misgendered. Gender is a weird thing. Dysphoria or realizing at a certain age doesn't make you more or less trans.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2020 7:20pm
No everyone is different. Personally I've only now just realized that I'm Aromantic, and I'm 23. Some people don't realize that they are until they're older, and some figure it out when they're younger. There isn't a set age or limit that is required to be Transgender. It's more about how you feel or how you identify, your parents may not know you that well, or maybe they chose to ignore the signs, but that doesn't make you any less Transgender as any other person. This is your life, and how you chose to identify is yours.