My sexuality keeps fluctuating and I'm not sure I fit into one single box, how do I explain that to others when I don't know how to feel about it myself?
Last Updated: 11/02/2020 at 11:44pm
Amy Justice, BS, MA, LCMHC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My passion is to help people overcome feeling "stuck" in unhealthy patterns by facilitating real, healthy changes through self-discovery and practical applications.
Top Rated Answers
Simply that-- you're not sure where you sit on the spectrum because sexuality and gender aren't neat little boxes...it's a spectrum of what you are or can be. If someone inquires, you can simply say that you're figuring it out or questioning where you sit on the spectrum. --just an example-- (However; many of us humans are fluctuating when it comes to the spectrum because not everyone is 100% straight or 100% gay, etc. There are many that fall somewhere inbetween)
It's important to remember that sexuality is on a spectrum rather than fitting into specific boxes or labels. Your sexuality can fluctuate as you open yourself up and learn more about yourself. This is completely normal and okay. Sexuality is also fairly personal, so don't feel pressured to explain yourself or your sexuality to anyone.
You don't have to be put in a box, sexuality is fluid, just look up the Kinsey Scale. Everybody can be a mix match of everything, but it doesn't mean you get around a lot, it just means that the next time you fall in love, it could be anyone. It just means you have a diversity of taste. Well done!
The great thing about Sexuality is that it's not purely black and white. It's grey, red, green, purple, and every other colour you can think of. If you feel your sexuality fluctuate, maybe that's just your Sexuality! And there's a great term for this when you need to explain it to other people; Queer, that awesome big Q at the end of LGBTQ+!
Just explain that you, yourself, are not too sure yet and that you'll be sure to let them know when you find out! Maybe even make it into a little joke to remove any stigma surrounding it. I've never really identified as anything myself, if I want to wear men's clothes - I will, if I want to see a girl - I will. Never label what you're doing just because someone else has.
You can just say you're questioning, or that you don't really care about labels. Your sexuality is valid even if you don't fit in a certain label. There are a lot of different sexualities nowadays, so you could try to read about them and see if one fits, but again you don't have to necessarily fit in a box.
There are many types of sexuality. It's a wide spectrum and some people fit directly into one while others may feel they differently. You don't necessarily have to label yourself anyway. If you know who you like then you don't have to justify. But some people classify themselves as more than one sexuality because they don't feel like it's a fixed preference.
It's not your job to explain to others all about your sexuality, just live with it, and soon enough you'll find one that fits you
It's not supposed to fit into a box! I know that's a hard concept to grasp, but sexuality is fluid and can't easily be explained or sorted into clear, distinct boxes. Everyone is a little bit different, with slightly different preferences, likes dislikes, etc. Don't worry about explaining it to others yet. Once you figure it out for yourself, then the rest will come :)
There's a spectrum of sexualities - not just a preset few boxes that you have to fit into. If you don't match any labels, that's fine - you're not required to label yourself. Explain it to others like you said here - it's fluctuating
Sexuality is a spectrum and not fitting into the socially constructed view of sexuality (black and white views such as there only being homosexuality and heterosexuality) is normal and understandable. Having a changing sexuality does not affect who you are as a person and is not necessary to explain to others. The problem with explaining this to others is that they might jump to conclusions. To best avoid this, start with an analogy or anecdote that you find makes it most clear that sexuality is allowed to be fluid and that this does not make you a "whore" or an experiment.
You don't have to explain. Don't pressure yourself to get an answer that you haven't figured it out yet. Everyone that loves you will understand the choose you'll take (man, woman or both).
If you aren't prepared yourself, don't be afraid if you don't feel ready to tell other people. You can take your time.
Since i was 13 I have been struggling with my sexuality. I have come to the conclusion that I am bisexual. I told someone close to me and someone who i trusted really helped me come to terms with my sexuality. You shouldn't feel alone and like nobody would understand because there was a lot of people who do! Your sexuality does not define you. If you are not sure about your sexuality you should try and experience different things until you really know what and who you want.
You can tell them that sexuality is fluid! Nothing has to be completely defined, and if they can't see that, it's their problem to deal with.
Simply : you are Gender-fluid. Gender-fluid is a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, both, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities. This is the best way to explain to others : simple and short. Now about yourself, there is nothing wrong with not being sure what exact gender you have. It's something completely fine and if you are confused now, give yourself some time, you'll figure it out. I hope this helps
Slapping labels isn't for everyone and it doesn't make you any less valid as a person nor does it make your sexuality is wrong. Everyone has their own thing and if people aren't going to understand that, the problem is in their heads and not yours. (Check out sexual fluidity; it's a sexuality too!)
With time comes understanding! You may not understand how to feel about it now, but eventually you will find your way. Explaining your situation to others is something you have to do in your own terms and on your own time. You may not immediately be ready to explain it and that's okay. You owe it to yourself to tell people or not tell people whenever you are ready.
Don't worry about labels. You don't have to conform to any and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone! Just go with what feels right at the time while you discover yourself. We as humans change every day and you don't have to stick to a label if you don't feel like you belong To it.
Labels don't always convey the way we feel. Your sexuality fluctuating is completely normal. While you don't owe anyone an explanation of yourself and how you feel, having an open and honest discussion may help you explain how you feel to others.
I have been in this situation before and it did take a while for me to fully understand who I am as a person. Take time for yourself to find out who you are and who you really want to be. When you feel 100% confident in who you are, you can choose to come out to people. It may be scary, but once you feel comfortable with who you are, others will see you as who you are too. Do not try to rush yourself to figure out who you are yet. Take it a day at a time, and soon you will find out who you truly are.
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. And you shouldn't feel bad about feeling this way. You need not to label yourself and if you feel like you do or really want to, you don't have to or need to do it right away. Take time to figure yourself out or don't. Live your life the way you want it to and not how others want you to. In the end, its not their happiness and contentment on the line, its yours. Love is free and it is beautiful when you learn to accept it just the way it is. It knows no gender, no age and no race. It just is.
Sexuality is an ever fluctuating and evolving experience. I don't think that many people necessarily fit into a single box-- it's complex, we're not meant to sit and live in a box. We may identify as one way right now, but later on feel that we align with another identity altogether. It's entirely okay to say I'm working on figuring out myself, and where I fit into this spectrum. We're ever evolving as people and with that, we may not always have the words that we're looking for to adequately express what feels right at this moment. And that's 100% okay to not know
You don't need to explain yourself to others - if you feel as though you trust a person enough to discuss your sexuality and you want to speak about it then you can tell them your sexuality is fluid, or that you are still working it out. Or tell them how you feel that day and tell them it has changed the next - whatever you feel comfortable with. If you don't know or trust the person enough for them to be asking about it - you can tell them it's none of their business. Sexuality doesn't need to fit into a single box, you can change your mind any time and you definitely don't need to label yourself.
Us humans like to categorize people and it makes it seem like you have to choose the box of best fit, but you don't. I have a friend who says they don't really have any labels and everyone else just has to deal with it. I started questioning my identity back in middle school and at first, I had no clue what label to use. I ended up using Queer for a while and then Bisexual. Later in high school, I decided that Pansexual better fit my definition of myself. Right now I'm wondering if I may be Demi or Ace. People change! One thing I've learned though is that you will find the people who really love you because they are the ones who stick with you no matter how many times you change your label. Also, I get to decide what the label means to me, the label doesn't decide who I am. I tend to be more sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women (weird right?) and I have yet to find a nice label for that so I'm sticking with Pan. (When I first noticed this trend, I was so confused, like, is that even valid?) TL:DR Give it time, you might find a box, you might not, but the most important thing is being honest with yourself.
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