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My sexuality keeps fluctuating and I'm not sure I fit into one single box, how do I explain that to others when I don't know how to feel about it myself?

22 Answers
Last Updated: 05/07/2019 at 4:30pm
My sexuality keeps fluctuating and I'm not sure I fit into one single box, how do I explain that to others when I don't know how to feel about it myself?
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Top Rated Answers
mysteriousWillow50
April 11th, 2015 4:23pm
Simply that-- you're not sure where you sit on the spectrum because sexuality and gender aren't neat little boxes...it's a spectrum of what you are or can be. If someone inquires, you can simply say that you're figuring it out or questioning where you sit on the spectrum. --just an example-- (However; many of us humans are fluctuating when it comes to the spectrum because not everyone is 100% straight or 100% gay, etc. There are many that fall somewhere inbetween)
MonBon
May 2nd, 2015 5:17am
It's important to remember that sexuality is on a spectrum rather than fitting into specific boxes or labels. Your sexuality can fluctuate as you open yourself up and learn more about yourself. This is completely normal and okay. Sexuality is also fairly personal, so don't feel pressured to explain yourself or your sexuality to anyone.
politeFish31
March 1st, 2016 5:28am
You don't have to be put in a box, sexuality is fluid, just look up the Kinsey Scale. Everybody can be a mix match of everything, but it doesn't mean you get around a lot, it just means that the next time you fall in love, it could be anyone. It just means you have a diversity of taste. Well done!
seventyninedays
March 29th, 2016 11:57am
Just explain that you, yourself, are not too sure yet and that you'll be sure to let them know when you find out! Maybe even make it into a little joke to remove any stigma surrounding it. I've never really identified as anything myself, if I want to wear men's clothes - I will, if I want to see a girl - I will. Never label what you're doing just because someone else has.
saturnsaic4
May 1st, 2017 8:36am
You can just say you're questioning, or that you don't really care about labels. Your sexuality is valid even if you don't fit in a certain label. There are a lot of different sexualities nowadays, so you could try to read about them and see if one fits, but again you don't have to necessarily fit in a box.
Georgia
August 15th, 2017 5:57pm
The great thing about Sexuality is that it's not purely black and white. It's grey, red, green, purple, and every other colour you can think of. If you feel your sexuality fluctuate, maybe that's just your Sexuality! And there's a great term for this when you need to explain it to other people; Queer, that awesome big Q at the end of LGBTQ+!
Anonymous
May 27th, 2015 10:49pm
There are many types of sexuality. It's a wide spectrum and some people fit directly into one while others may feel they differently. You don't necessarily have to label yourself anyway. If you know who you like then you don't have to justify. But some people classify themselves as more than one sexuality because they don't feel like it's a fixed preference.
GracefulDuck
June 30th, 2015 2:03am
It's not your job to explain to others all about your sexuality, just live with it, and soon enough you'll find one that fits you
MaeveTheBrave
June 6th, 2016 8:22am
It's not supposed to fit into a box! I know that's a hard concept to grasp, but sexuality is fluid and can't easily be explained or sorted into clear, distinct boxes. Everyone is a little bit different, with slightly different preferences, likes dislikes, etc. Don't worry about explaining it to others yet. Once you figure it out for yourself, then the rest will come :)
KateIsabella
January 18th, 2016 11:24pm
There's a spectrum of sexualities - not just a preset few boxes that you have to fit into. If you don't match any labels, that's fine - you're not required to label yourself. Explain it to others like you said here - it's fluctuating
Anonymous
February 26th, 2015 7:59am
Sexuality is a spectrum and not fitting into the socially constructed view of sexuality (black and white views such as there only being homosexuality and heterosexuality) is normal and understandable. Having a changing sexuality does not affect who you are as a person and is not necessary to explain to others. The problem with explaining this to others is that they might jump to conclusions. To best avoid this, start with an analogy or anecdote that you find makes it most clear that sexuality is allowed to be fluid and that this does not make you a "whore" or an experiment.
geovanisouza92
April 6th, 2015 12:24pm
You don't have to explain. Don't pressure yourself to get an answer that you haven't figured it out yet. Everyone that loves you will understand the choose you'll take (man, woman or both).
Anonymous
September 21st, 2015 4:23pm
If you aren't prepared yourself, don't be afraid if you don't feel ready to tell other people. You can take your time.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2015 7:17pm
Since i was 13 I have been struggling with my sexuality. I have come to the conclusion that I am bisexual. I told someone close to me and someone who i trusted really helped me come to terms with my sexuality. You shouldn't feel alone and like nobody would understand because there was a lot of people who do! Your sexuality does not define you. If you are not sure about your sexuality you should try and experience different things until you really know what and who you want.
Anonymous
December 21st, 2015 5:01am
You can tell them that sexuality is fluid! Nothing has to be completely defined, and if they can't see that, it's their problem to deal with.
NaomiDelle
July 5th, 2016 10:03pm
Simply : you are Gender-fluid. Gender-fluid is a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, both, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities. This is the best way to explain to others : simple and short. Now about yourself, there is nothing wrong with not being sure what exact gender you have. It's something completely fine and if you are confused now, give yourself some time, you'll figure it out. I hope this helps
Ballard
July 19th, 2016 6:01am
Slapping labels isn't for everyone and it doesn't make you any less valid as a person nor does it make your sexuality is wrong. Everyone has their own thing and if people aren't going to understand that, the problem is in their heads and not yours. (Check out sexual fluidity; it's a sexuality too!)
Larry1436
November 7th, 2016 7:12am
With time comes understanding! You may not understand how to feel about it now, but eventually you will find your way. Explaining your situation to others is something you have to do in your own terms and on your own time. You may not immediately be ready to explain it and that's okay. You owe it to yourself to tell people or not tell people whenever you are ready.
LovingRainbowSkies
November 21st, 2017 9:06am
Don't worry about labels. You don't have to conform to any and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone! Just go with what feels right at the time while you discover yourself. We as humans change every day and you don't have to stick to a label if you don't feel like you belong To it.
Anonymous
July 30th, 2018 3:00pm
Labels don't always convey the way we feel. Your sexuality fluctuating is completely normal. While you don't owe anyone an explanation of yourself and how you feel, having an open and honest discussion may help you explain how you feel to others.
youaintslicc
March 12th, 2019 4:08am
I have been in this situation before and it did take a while for me to fully understand who I am as a person. Take time for yourself to find out who you are and who you really want to be. When you feel 100% confident in who you are, you can choose to come out to people. It may be scary, but once you feel comfortable with who you are, others will see you as who you are too. Do not try to rush yourself to figure out who you are yet. Take it a day at a time, and soon you will find out who you truly are.
psystudent25
May 7th, 2019 4:30pm
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. And you shouldn't feel bad about feeling this way. You need not to label yourself and if you feel like you do or really want to, you don't have to or need to do it right away. Take time to figure yourself out or don't. Live your life the way you want it to and not how others want you to. In the end, its not their happiness and contentment on the line, its yours. Love is free and it is beautiful when you learn to accept it just the way it is. It knows no gender, no age and no race. It just is.