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What's the best way to get over relatives who are completely against it or ignore the fact that you might be gay?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 08/05/2019 at 9:03pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
sunnyCat57
February 9th, 2015 10:26pm
Understand that other people have limitations. Change is very hard for most people and it may not be helpful to try and convince them to change their believes. It's important to realise that you don't owe them anything. It's ok not to get along with your relatives. Having said that, it is important to have supportive people in your life and somewhere where you can be safe. This can be very difficult if you're still living with your family and feel like you can't be yourself in front of them. In this case, it might be good to seek help from someone outside the household. Nurture and cultivate relationships with people who support you and know that you do not need approval from your family to be whole and healthy. Nor do you need to conform to make them happy. Having said all that, it might be more effective for some people to make allowances and concessions (only so far as they are comfortable) in order to maintain a peaceful and balanced home life. It really depends on the individual, what they are willing to concede and their own personal home life.
GentleMom
January 20th, 2015 2:01pm
Be patient, because people's attitudes can change once they get used to something (especially if you have had a good relationship before). On the other hand, protect your self-esteem by spending a lot of time with people who support and care about you.
Anonymous
January 26th, 2015 4:41pm
I believe that you should more or less tell yourself that it doesn't matter. Relatives tend to be judgemental but They'll get over it after some time, everything just needs time.
OliverC
May 27th, 2015 6:02pm
1) Pity them. Feel bad for them because they have such narrow opinions. 2) Privately (or behind their backs with friends) laugh at them. Silly, silly people. 3) Spend time in spaces or with people who affirm you. ----- These are the steps I take when I encounter people who are transphobic, and it helps.
Anonymous
June 18th, 2015 3:31pm
One piece of advice I would give someone who tried to ignore your sexuality is to be firm in the truth. For example, if one of your relatives is introducing your girlfriend as your friend, you can gently but firmly say something like, "Aunt Clara, Rachel is my girlfriend. We live together, and we're dating, not friends."
Anonymous
July 21st, 2015 2:02pm
Realize that they may not understand it or they may just simply be against it. Don't get too hung up on it, moving on is important.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2015 2:59am
Avoid this topic when you are around them. Never engage in conversations that are about sexuality or gay rights or something similar. You will most likely not be able to change their opinion on it. And try to stay away from them whenever you want to make out with your boyfriend (or girlfriend when you are lesbian) because that might not please them. Just behave normal but avoid anything considering 'gay' in their presence.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2015 2:14pm
One way would be to ignore any comments they may say or how they may act towards this, it shouldn't matter if they are against this, all that matters is you accept yourself.
BeFair
September 29th, 2015 8:45am
Do what they didn't do for you, accept them for who they are. But of course, then you will have to let them go.
generousShiny86
November 2nd, 2015 4:17pm
So honestly think like, if they cannot accept me for who I am, then they are not worth my time and effort with them. Being gay isn't something we chose its something we know from when we are growing up.
Anonymous
November 30th, 2015 5:12pm
I have also faced this and your not alone. You need to be true to yourself and fully except you before you can move forward. Once you are totally happy with yourself you will be able to feel fine with it
LovingPhantom
December 8th, 2015 1:29am
Never ignore that, because it is a part of you, and you can't take a part of you away from yourself. If your family is not accepting, then you might have to slowly ease them into it. It might take years, but they might grow as a person to accept you.
Greatlistener87
April 5th, 2016 8:49am
Maybe you could find a way to convey to them that being Gay is possible. You can also explain more about why people choose to be so and how it is accepted in the now.
Mia1
July 4th, 2016 1:42pm
The most important thing is that YOU'RE caring for YOURSELF. Not everyone will be supportive. Try talking to them. Explain to them that this is who you are, and you cannot change who you are. Sometimes people close to us are shocked when we come out, because they feel like we've become a whole new person. Remind them that you've always been this way, and you're the same person you were before. Give it time, but make sure that you're still living for yourself. Not anyone else.
YourFaveUnicorn123
October 24th, 2016 7:01pm
You shouldn't let them affect you. Be proud of who you are, as long as you're able to accept yourself, other people's opinions won't matter. If they can't accept you, don't force them. But you should also try to make them understand that they can't change who you are, the least they could do is support you to make you happy.
helloiamhere
July 18th, 2017 12:29pm
Don't care if they are against the fact that you're gay. Just be yourself, and if you're happy no matter what you're doing, then that's what matters.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2017 3:39pm
You should let them be. After , it is your life and your life only, and depending on other people's opinion isn't good. They aren't really your friends/family if they don't support you
savlilley
December 5th, 2017 10:47pm
I would ignore them if they don’t want to support you like a relative should then you should listen to them
Anonymous
April 9th, 2018 2:47pm
If you don't want to have to deal with the possible negative repercussions of coming out, it's always okay not to. Today we can feel pressure to come out, but really you don't always have to. It should be something that you're comfortable with doing and not something you feel like you have to do.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+
August 5th, 2019 9:03pm
If you have already tried to explain how you feel and to help them open their mind, and they still feel this way about it, it's your right to avoid them as much as possible. There's no need to do something that makes you feel bad! You can try to surround yourself with supportive people, be it other family members, friends or the LGBT community itself. This way, if and when you'll be unable to avoid them, the comfort of your support network will help you through those moments and give you the strength to just ignore them. After all, intolerant people do not deserve your consideration!