Why am I gay? I hate myself.

157 Answers
Last Updated: 08/12/2019 at 11:33am
Why am I gay? I hate myself.
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Nora MacQuarrie, MEd

Psychologist

Calgary counselling psychologist assisting clients in times of stress, change, loss, worry, sadness, confusion, distress, and crisis.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2015 11:42pm
You're gay because that's the way God wanted you to be. Throughout history, people have found many ridiculous reasons to condemn people to hell, including skin color, nationality and sexual orientation. It's fair to judge the actions of other people, but not their souls. That's what's really meant by the quote, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." There have been studies that show that gay men have brain stems that are structurally different from those of straight men. Unless you had yours surgically altered so you could be gay, you're no more responsible for your sexual orientation than a straight man is for his. If it's any consolation, most of us grew up hoping we'd fall in love, get married, have kids and live the dream. It takes time to adjust to the reality that we're inherently gay. And having other people insist they know God's plan for our lives just creates confusion and self-hatred. If mere people knew so much, why wouldn't their lives be perfect? If you believe that God has a plan for your life and have known you were gay since childhood, you obviously didn't choose to be gay. And everything people quote from scripture has been translated multiple times from the original text, so true meanings get lost along the way. The commandment "thou shalt not kill" was closer to "thou shalt not murder" in its original form. The difference is subtle, but substantial. And people who think they have the power to condemn anyone to hell on God's behalf are in for a surprise. I grew up in a devoutly Catholic home and my father had even studied to be a priest. My beliefs are still rooted in Catholicism, which is pretty similar to most branches of Christianity. After years of struggling with my sexual orientation (and a pretty serious drinking problem as a result), I realized that my fear of condemnation had completely estranged me from God. If I was convinced God hated me, how could I love him? But I eventually realized that I was inherently gay and all the hoping and praying would have no effect on that. My desire to be straight actually conflicted with God's plan for my life. Why was I born gay? I haven't a clue. But my family eventually accepted me. And I have a lesbian friend whose father (also a devout Catholic) told me he believed God gave him a gay daughter so that he (the father) would learn that God's creations know no limits. His daughter is a doctor, she's involved with charities, and she holds herself up to the same standards that would be expected of her if she were straight. Other than the fact that she's a lesbian, she's everything any father could want in a daughter. But instead of making a lifelong commitment to a man, she made one to a woman. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be promiscuous or swing from chandeliers. People who do that perpetuate a stereotype that doesn't apply to most gays. If you have religious beliefs that guide your behavior, you can still apply those to your life as a gay man. One of my friends (a guy) grew up in a strict Baptist household and fought against his nature for years because he was convinced he'd go to hell if he acted on his impulses. When he accepted that God had made him gay, he still saved himself until he found his life partner, since that was in keeping with his religious beliefs. Only God knows your soul and no one has the authority to speak for God. Gay people are no less capable of living good lives than straights are, so let your conscience be your guide. There are all sorts of things in the world that can't be explained, but our inability to understand them doesn't mean God didn't have his reasons.
ZoeS96
August 19th, 2015 5:34pm
You cannot help your sexuality and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay! You could talk to other gay people on the internet, or on here if you'd like. You feel that you hate yourself at the moment, think about why? Are you being mistreated by somebody because of your sexuality? Do you have internalized homophobia? You need to learn to accept yourself, there are a lot of people who feel the same way as you. You're never alone! You're important and you deserve to be happy. You could talk to a listener about this, I'm sure they could help :)
Anonymous
August 30th, 2015 5:35pm
don't hate yourself for being gay, there is nothing wrong in loving someone. no matter what the orientation is, Love is love and Love is universal.
abrahamolles
November 16th, 2015 11:18am
it's something weird. at some point, you become more like a listener to yourself. in some ways, I feel sad about my sexuality, i'm bi, but in despite about it, I feel proud, I feel good. most of my time I spend it in thinking about, "what if I tell everybody about my sexuality?", "how they will act when I tell them?". It's sad, sometimes I hate myself too, but what can we do about it? nothing. Now that i'm 16, I am realizing that since like I was 8, I become bi. I remember being attracted by boys, but at the same time by girls, I can have a girlfriend but at the same time I cant stop thinking about a boy. I try to being the most quiet as posible but sometimes I can't. it's so fucking difficult that sometimes I cry, and you know, it feels so good to cry, you feel more healed, but in your mind you know it's not over, you still be thinking about your problems, about what can happen if... or how will it happen if... it just sucks, but you don't choose to be like you are right now, you become, you spend your life trying to be okay, falling a couple of times, trying to be "normal", but, seriously, as much as you want to be normal, the more you become gay, or bi, or trans or whatever. Just be you. It's okay to be different. it's okay to be you. with love. Abraham xo
Crystalgems707
August 19th, 2015 6:16am
If you are gay, do not ever hate yourself. I know it may be hard because family and friends, but you will find people who love and accept you. I know as a gay female that it may be hard to love who you are, but you can't change it so you might as well enjoy this beautiful life you have, because one day you'll look back and wonder why you even cared what other people thought.
Anonymous
August 21st, 2015 12:41am
"Why am I gay?", those words have been through my mind at least 1,000 times. I think about it almost everyday, "why me?" "why did this happen to me?". I don't know why I think like this. I should accept myself. Why don't I accept myself? The truth is that I will accept myself, that I will work this out. I will get over this.
lara97
August 30th, 2015 4:59am
Why are other people hetero? love yourself! because you deserve to love yourself as much as everybody else.
aliyahbagley
February 11th, 2016 1:46am
you shouldn't hate yourself because you're gay, love. i think you are beautiful. and hella brave. I don't really know why people feel the need to belittle themselves because they like a person of the same sex. that is something i dont think i'll ever understand. You shouldn't hate yourself because of that. Embrace it. I love you and i think you are amazing if you ask me.
RockHopper88
September 3rd, 2015 7:55pm
I can tell you are really struggling with this. If you live some place where being gay is really unacceptable, I can see why you feel the way that you do right now. Here's my answer to your question: you are gay because that's the way you are. Here's a much more superficial situation: compared to most women, I have freakishly long limbs. It means that I can't wear most shoes, dresses and trousers that are for sale in the stores, because they aren't going to fit. But there's also things that are great about this, too. With longer fingers, it's easier to play the guitar and the piano. Because my shoe size is so uncommon, it's the sort of thing that will show up at 80% off, because, who else wears that? You can think of being gay being similar. The common way that things are done in society may sometimes not fit you. Being straight is usually the default. A lot of how society is set up is to fit the typical person. But just like I can't shorten my legs without maiming myself, you aren't going to be changing that you're gay without maiming the core of who you are. It sounds to me like you are on the path of self-discovery and self-acceptance. It may be harder path than some other people's - but sometimes the more difficult climbs lead to greater strength, and more beautiful vistas.
Anonymous
September 10th, 2015 9:14pm
Gay is not something that you chose. Gay is okay, it is not something you should be ashamed of or something that you have to hide. It is something that you should be proud of.
Marumarinuki1
September 24th, 2015 3:09pm
Being gay, or straight, it's not something that you can control. It's just another thing that distinguishes you in all the society. It's not bad or good. It's like being blonde, or tanned, you should't feel bad about it! We all are unique in our own aspects, and that's what makes this world different and varied!
KrysAmbrosine1021
August 19th, 2015 8:08am
because you like someone of a certain gender doesnt mean you have to hate yourself, im asexual, i dont like it but i just am and ive accepted that im like this for a reason. some may feel unaccepted but the truth is, what you feel comfortable with shouldnt be anyone elses choice but your own, and being gay isnt a choice, it is who you and and you should embrace it :)
Crest
January 14th, 2016 3:16am
Because life picked you in the fabulous roulette. If you hate yourself, go see a psychologist. If it's because you're gay, get some friends who can and will talk about it from first hand experience.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2016 5:46am
There's no particular reason, outside of possibly genetics. There's no way to change our inherent sexual orientation, which I guess might be something you wish weren't true, if you hate this part of you. I don't have anything in that vein I could comfort you with; I just hope that one day you'll make your peace with being gay and accept who you, for your sake. Please don't listen to any who may judge you or harass you for this. You're you. Being gay doesn't have to define you. If you can't accept being gay yet, then I hope you'll at least embrace your other traits. I wish you the best.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2015 8:21am
Being gay is something you are born with. You shouldn't hate yourself because of this, just because you love someone of the same gender as you doesn't make you a bad person. Love is love. Don't hate yourself over something you can not change.
Anonymous
August 19th, 2015 11:39pm
The reason behind homosexuality is something scientists haven't figured out yet. However, it's highly possible that there's epigenetics behind it. Either way, homosexuality is natural - it occurs in hundreds of spieces. There's no reason to hate yourself for being gay. Being gay simply means being sexually attracted to people of the same sex. It doesn't affect any other area of your life. While there are people who are strongly homophobic (against gay people), they're irrational. The gay community is just like the straight community. There are bad people in it and there are good people in it. But none of them is bad just because he or she is gay. You have no reason to hate yourself for being gay. I know it's hard to accept something like that and this is not some magical text that will get you to love yourself right after reading it. But I want you to know that it will get better. There will always be homophobic people, but once you realize that homosexuality is not bad you'll hate yourself less and less and less. You're amazing human being. Don't forget that. You have an amazing potential and homosexuality won't erase your potential.
Anonymous
August 20th, 2015 5:36pm
Being gay isn't a choice. It's like asking "Why is my hair red?" You can try to cover it up, but no matter what, you are who you are. Why do you hate yourself? Being gay isn't bad! It's who you love! If your family and friends don't support you, remember this quote, "I can choose my friends, I can choose my family, and if they don't accept me they'll have me." -boyinaband Love yourself! And be gay! Because gay is cool!
SammyB
August 21st, 2015 3:57am
First of all, you should never hate yourself. Hating yourself never gets you anywhere. You should try and have a positive attitude all of the time. More importantly, it doesn't matter why you're gay. It could be any number of reasons. What's important is what you do with that information. Love who you are and be the best version of you that you can be.
Anonymous
August 21st, 2015 3:01am
There's nothing wrong with it, honey. Some people are just born that way, as you may be born a blond or a ginger or whatever. Once you accept this as a normal thing about yourself, you'll start loving youself again :) I really hope this helped
Anonymous
August 21st, 2015 9:08pm
There is no reason why you're gay, people are just born with it. I understand that it can be really difficult to come to terms with your own sexuality. But it's not your fault that you are the way you are, you did nothing wrong, some people are just born gay. I really hope you can learn to accept that part of yourself and become happy :) Take care!
KiaBigHeart
September 5th, 2015 12:16am
You do not choose who you love. You were born that way, and you are perfect just the way you are. If the people around you don't understand that, they are not worthy.
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2015 5:22am
honestly, I have gone through the phase of asking why me? but the real question is why people hate on you. you are doing nothing wrong, so don't hate yourself, just be you.
starrycharlie
August 23rd, 2015 3:15pm
There is no reason for being gay - it is just the way you turned out. Being gay is completely okay.
GillianLightman
August 27th, 2015 7:30pm
You shouldn't hate yourself for being gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay. It's not like you chose to be gay. You just have to be true to yourself and learn how to love who you truly are. Yes, it might be difficult. A lot of people might judge you and misunderstand you, even your loved ones, but as long as you're happy and you're being honest, than it's alright.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2015 8:00pm
It is a matter of perspective: It can be a temptation that can be overcome, or it can be a blessing that finally has revealed itself. Some people even use it to their advantage - (specifically girls in this example) will just allow that to let them become closer to people [of their own sex] to better understand how humans work and operate, and to even get a better feel on how to care for someone.
JadeRainbow
January 20th, 2016 7:30pm
Being gay is very hard to come to terms with. There are a lot of great communities which can help.
Anonymous
August 20th, 2015 4:08pm
You shouldn't feel self hatred due to your newly discovered sexuality. If you identify yourself as LGBTQI, then attempt at embracing yourself. In no way is it wrong for you to be gay. If you are going through puberty, you will experience new feelings of attraction, possibly towards the same sex. This does not make you "gay", nor does the opposite make you straight. Teens will experience new attractions, to a single gender or others. This is a way of sorting through sexual feelings, and is common. Whether the above puberty note applies to you or not, you should always attempt at embracing yourself. You are who you are, and you should always love yourself for who you are.
Anonymous
August 21st, 2015 5:02pm
That's how you've been born, it's no one's fault and you shouldn't hate yourself. The LGBT+ community is great and accepting and if you meet some people from it, you may feel a lot better
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2015 5:46pm
You love who you love no matter if it's the same sex or different sex. You might feel uncomfortable showing compassion with the opposite sex so you choose to love the same sex because they know more about you as a male or female. The same sex relationships have more in common. If you are a gay or a lesbian or bisexual you are still human and you can do what every one else is doing. I heart LGBTQ
Irishcat
August 28th, 2015 9:29pm
Please don't hate yourself, being gay is ok! We all have our likes and dislikes, why can't you??????