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Why am I gay? I hate myself.

158 Answers
Last Updated: 07/13/2020 at 10:15am
Why am I gay? I hate myself.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Stacey Kiger, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

My belief is that therapy is not about giving advice, but joining you on your journey

Top Rated Answers
McIntosh92
December 29th, 2015 2:09pm
Its best not to question who you are. If you can't control it or make sense of it, then its best just to accept it. You gain nothing from self-pity or trying to be like how you were believed you should be.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2015 2:27pm
Oh, honey. First of all, you need to stop beating yourself up. Being gay is NOT a choice, and the sooner you accept it, the better it will be. Sometimes, it might be hard to do so. Many people may be against you. 2015 (going on 16) and we still have a ton of homophobes. But don't let them get to you. Know that you're not alone.
JadeRainbow
January 20th, 2016 7:30pm
Being gay is very hard to come to terms with. There are a lot of great communities which can help.
Anonymous
August 20th, 2015 4:08pm
You shouldn't feel self hatred due to your newly discovered sexuality. If you identify yourself as LGBTQI, then attempt at embracing yourself. In no way is it wrong for you to be gay. If you are going through puberty, you will experience new feelings of attraction, possibly towards the same sex. This does not make you "gay", nor does the opposite make you straight. Teens will experience new attractions, to a single gender or others. This is a way of sorting through sexual feelings, and is common. Whether the above puberty note applies to you or not, you should always attempt at embracing yourself. You are who you are, and you should always love yourself for who you are.
Anonymous
August 21st, 2015 5:02pm
That's how you've been born, it's no one's fault and you shouldn't hate yourself. The LGBT+ community is great and accepting and if you meet some people from it, you may feel a lot better
temerity
September 3rd, 2015 5:09am
Regardless of any controversy, science has proven that being gay is not a choice. There are a lot of complicated factors that may go into our sexuality, including environment, genetics, and hormonal changes during pregnancy, but we do know that it has nothing to do with any moral or personal choice, nor does it relate to any sort of previous trauma. There are great resources available, however, for you to better understand your sexuality and find others going through similar circumstances; the CDC has some links to a few of the many resources available here at http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2015 4:26am
First of all, please don't hate yourself. You are worth so much more than that, you are a beautiful person. Being gay is a natural occurence, in fact homosexual behaviour is found in many different animal species. Unfortunately some people think it is a choice. Whereas a lot more people think that you are born gay and it is as much a part of who you are as your brown hair is or your dimples. Eventually I hope that your sexuality can become something that even if you are not proud of it, you can accept. It is a long road but one that can bring you many friends and much happiness. If you need someone to talk to, the Trevor project is great for LGBT people and of course we here at 7 cups are always happy to listen. Good luck.
eleanor0610
September 5th, 2015 7:06pm
First of all, congratulations on figuring out your sexual preference! So many people struggle with this and it's great that you've gotten in touch with this part of your identity. You're gay because you identify as a male and you find others who identify as male attractive. It's okay. It's normal and it's healthy. Why do you hate yourself? People of all social backgrounds, genders, social classes, ethnicities can be considered homosexual - you're not alone in this.
Anonymous
September 9th, 2015 11:12am
I'm homosexual as well, and for a long time, I despised myself! I hated not being like the other people in my school, I hated going to church and hearing them talk about how bad homosexuality, and I hated that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't change. But your sexuality is just another thing that makes you, you. I don't know why some people are born homosexual, and I don't know why some people discriminate those who are. But don't beat yourself up over something that doesn't define you, because you're worth more than what the labels say, and you're worth more than what people think of you:)
Anonymous
September 11th, 2015 7:41pm
You are you, and there is no need to hate yourself. Everyone deserves to be themselves. I know how it feels, but we are always here to help anytime you need it.
Anonymous
September 12th, 2015 8:45pm
You shouldn't hate yourself for being gay! In fact, you shouold never hate yourself. Self-hate is bad for you and for people who surround you. Being gay or not, is not a choice, you are born this way, you can't change it. You should be proud of who you are, it doesn't matter you are gay, lesbian, bi, etc.
Anonymous
September 13th, 2015 2:25pm
You're only gay because you were born that way. Just like how heterosexual people are heterosexual because they were born that way. But you don't have to hate yourself. Our society may not be the most accepting one when it comes to this matters. But acceptance should start in yourself.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2015 2:53am
you are gay because you are born for greatness. like how lesbians and bisexuals and transgenders and others are. Being gay is not something you acquire because you spend time with the lot or because your uncle is gay or whatever. you're born with it. it's who you are and whoever you are, you must love because you are beautiful. God spent time creating you, man. You are beautiful. please don't hate yourself.
EthanisBae
September 17th, 2015 2:09pm
Being gay is perfectly okay. There is no shame in it what so ever. I know from experience that being gay or bisexual can be a bit insecure and that makes sense. But you are more then welcome to come and message me if you want to talk about that:)
creativecullen54
September 23rd, 2015 10:20am
I have no idea why you're gay, but hating yourself for it will just make you miserable. Trust me, I've been there
Runefox
September 26th, 2015 8:57pm
Being gay simply means you have interests (whether that's sexual or romantic) in members of the same sex as you. Although many members in society demonize this and there's a lot of hate out there, it's really not a bad thing. You were born this way and it's absolutely natural. Depending on your upbringing and the media you've absorbed, it's understandable why you feel unhappy with yourself. Realize that there's a lot of support out there for you and our world is slowly changing to be more accepting of people like you. Most people aren't 100% straight anyway, so you're definitely not alone. Sexuality is a spectrum. Odds are most people you know aren't straight either.
HeyImNina
September 27th, 2015 8:08pm
Why am I straight? It isn't something that we can choose. I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time, but remember that being gay is just a part of who you are, your sexual orientation does NOT define you as a person. Don't hate yourself for it, learn to accept yourself the way you are because there is nothing wrong about liking people of the same sex :)
Anonymous
October 29th, 2015 8:14pm
I have had similar feelings of hate, guilt, and shame when I finally understood my own gender identity and sexuality. However I soon learnt that I should love myself for who I am. Some people will probably judge you, or change how they are around you, but that is their problem. Not yours. You are An amazing person for who you are, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they're trying to invalidate you and your feelings.
chamomilewizard
November 15th, 2015 7:54pm
I cannot define for you exactly why you are gay, but I can tell you that it is completely natural. I used to feel the same way, but I came to realize that there is nothing truly wrong about being gay. It's merely love, and love is never wrong unless it hurts you or others. You have no reason to hate yourself for loving another. Please try to believe that.
calmingCat38
January 16th, 2016 10:07am
You are born gay. Theres nothing you can do about it. The sooner you learn to accept yourself and learn that its normal, the happier you will be.
kittenguts
January 16th, 2016 11:04am
Being gay is not a choice, there's no reason why you are. There's absolutely no need to hate yourself, embrace yourself for who you are.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2016 8:20pm
Well there is nothing wrong with being gay, actually most other animals display homosexual tendencies
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2015 11:53am
Dudeeee theres no problem in being gay. not at all. that is no reason to hate yourself. its your life and its not a wrong to like people of the same sex.
Anonymous
September 9th, 2015 10:51pm
no
ShiningLove1998
September 10th, 2015 2:37pm
You shouldn't hate yourself for being gay. It is as natural as someone being straight is. You are either gay, straight, bi, pan, etc when you are born, it just comes out at puberty.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2015 9:18pm
You should never hate yourself for being born the way you are. You are beautiful. Don't let anyone else ever tell you otherwise.
Patientmatty
September 17th, 2015 2:08pm
There's nothing wrong with liking the same sex, it's not a choice if you feel attracted, it's a natural feeling.
originalLion57
September 18th, 2015 12:19pm
I'm sad to read that you hate yourself for being gay. Being gay is just as natural as being straight. Unfortunately, some people are ignorant and judge others for their sexuality, but there's nothing wrong with being gay. You're gay because you were born that way and you're no different than anybody else. Your sexuality is what it is, it can't be changed, nor should it, it's completely natural and pure and it's just one part of who you are. You are so much more than your sexuality and you're good enough as you are. Try to figure out when your self-hatred formed and see if you can't reduce it until there's no much hatred left, because you deserve to love yourself and be happy. Try to get professional help if necessary or talk to friends or whoever is good to you. Don't be around people that fuel the self-hatred!!!
Anonymous
September 19th, 2015 3:31am
Why am I gay? I am gay because I fell in love with someone of the same gender I am. I cannot change my feelings towards the person I love, no matter how it effects my life. I hate myself because my father hates gays and I don't want him to hate me. I don't want to be oited by my family nor my friends, yet I want to stay true to myself.
Shikoba12
September 19th, 2015 8:15pm
please do not hate your self for being gay. there is nothing wrong with it and it is perfectly natural. we are all born to love, love is free and has no limitations . Falling in love with a person from the same sex doesn't make you abnormal and doesn't make you a bad person . please realize that in order to live happy and a fulfilling life you're going to have accept your self the way you are . there will always be those who will disagree but we should not let other peoples perceptions define us and as Rupaul says if you cant love your self how in the hell you going to love somebody else can I get an amen up in here. sending virtual hugs :)