Why can't I feel comfortable publicly or openly loving who I love?
Last Updated: 06/17/2019 at 1:02pm
Lisa Meighan, BSc Psychology (Honours)
Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.
Top Rated Answers
Because of our society, its not your fault, you just need to accept it maybe. Perhaps you don't want people to bully you because of it
It's a natural human anxiety to be fearful of displaying your love publicly. Just take it one step at a time. Start with small things, like hugging in public or holding hands. It shouldn't be a requirement of any relationship to have to display your affection publicly.
I am wondering if you could tell me more about who it is you love? I am also wondering if you could tell me what feelings you have around being open with who you love?
Feeling comfortable is something I struggle with. I can't ever really let someone know how I feel because I struggle with being myself
The point is that our society makes it more difficult. The important thing is that you love each other and no one else needs to interfere with that. Do not see this as your problem but as a problem of society, that does not allow expressions that are judged to be different.
Society seems to have dictated specific means of showing affection and love for the people you are in a relationship with, and not meeting those standards can make it seem like you don't love them, even though that may not be the case. Pressure to perform in this way can lead to nervousness, especially if the expressions of love are not aligned with your personality. Different people show love in different ways. Some people do not even demonstrate their love even when they feel it. If you feel like publicly declaring your feelings is not comfortable, then that is just how you are. Although if you truly want to prevent misunderstandings with someone who expects you do openly demonstrate your love, you might want to talk to them and reassure them that you love them, but merely show it differently.
maybe its because it wont be accepted in my community, or the person isnt up to others standards and wont approve
First of all, it´s sad that you have to feel that way, but it´s understandable that most people still fear to be open about their feelings or attraction, simply because the people surrounding them are bigoted or one track minded, Hetero-normative raising is to blame too, i was raised in a family in which it was an accepted fact that boys could love boys and girls could love girls, but it still wasnt depicted anywhere. And that does have an impact on yourself, because you feel that who you are is something "Abnormal"..very very wrong..and something we should work on. BE YOU.
Because its a hard thing to do and sometimes you don't really think about it. Like for example i had friends that i didn't cherish that much. But as soon as the friendship was over i felt like if i would say it more often i could do something about it. But i don't think thats how you express love. People know at a certain point when you care about them. Just like they care about you. You don't need to say the words.
I know how it feels. It's super awkward for me to express love in public because of how people would act. Maybe it comes from social anxiety and being scared that people are judging you. That's what i think.
Being unable to feel comfortable publicly is all to do with socialization, and this fear that we are not worthy of love and belonging, the emotion shame also plays a role in fear of public humiliation and lack of comfort in ourselves.
This happens to a lot of people, due to social conventions that express negative judgement towards any orientation other than heterosexuality. It's normal to feel uncomfortable when you're scared to face judgements, discrimination, isolation. But it's something that you can learn how to deal with, in time! Surrounding yourself with supportive people, either LGBT or not, can help you feeling more confident and supported, which in turn can help you dealing with the social stigma. Yes, some people are intolerant. But it's their problem, it shouldn't be yours. With time, working on your confidence and relying on all the love and support you can get, you'll be able to finally feel free!
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