Why do I have to tell my parents that I am queer but my straight friends do not have to tell their parents that they are straight?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 08/27/2018 at 3:41am
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 13th, 2015 10:56pm
Because of what's called heteronormativity. General society considers heterosexuality to be the "default," so people are generally assumed to be straight and thus don't need to announce their straightness to everyone. Coming out is when those of us who aren't straight correct the assumptions that we are. Similarly, there is cisnormativity in which everyone is assumed to have the same gender identity as the sex they were born as, and amatonormativity which assumes that a heterosexual amorous relationship is the end-all-be-all goal for all humans. Because of these assumptions, we have to "come out" and tell people the reality of who we are. Otherwise, they'll be left believing we're something we aren't. That may be preferable sometimes, especially if your well-being may be at risk if you came out. Many people choose to wait until they are financially independent before telling their parents, just in case. These things shouldn't happen. We should all be accepted and validated for who we are, and we should never be assumed straight or cis-gendered or treated like aliens if we want something other than a fairytale romance. Unfortunately, general society isn't to that point yet, and it's up to us to help get it there. Just remember: if you feel it, it is real and valid, no matter what others try to tell you.
Anonymous
December 13th, 2015 1:19am
This is referred to as heteronormativity. Our social considers that anyone is heterosexual unless they specify they aren't.
Nicobaka
April 11th, 2015 5:52pm
Because of heteronormality. Hetersexual and cisgender are automatically assumed to be the 'default', even though they are not. Basically, most people assume others to be cis and straight, unless otherwise told so.
VictoryLap
June 18th, 2015 2:29pm
I think, in our society, it is assumed that people are straight. And because of that, your parents probably assumed the same for you. Ultimately, it is YOUR choice to tell them otherwise. If you want them to know who you are, and how you identify as a person, that is completely up to you.
geovanisouza92
April 6th, 2015 12:21pm
Because we live on a society that expect the "default behavior" and want to know what is considered outside of it.
positiverainbow83
April 12th, 2015 10:51pm
In all honesty you don't have to. This is entirely your choice. Allow yourself space and time in order to feel comfortable having that conversation if you so wish but remember there is no rush.
PhoenixMozza
May 8th, 2015 12:54pm
Sadly, because we live in a heteronormative society. This means that in our society, being straight and cis are considered default, and for this reason, most people have a habit of assuming people's gender and sexual/romantic orientations. That's why straight cis people don't have to come out, everyone already assumes that's their identity.
gracefulLover20
June 23rd, 2015 12:06am
We live in a society that is predominantly heterosexual and cisgender. Because of this, our society assumes being straight is the sexual orientation that we should all be. This is something that is ingrained in our society. For example, a heteronormative assumptoin would be that a man will grow up straight and marry a female. These assumptions form the closet that so many people in the queer community may choose to come out of.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2015 1:59pm
Parents just assume that their child/children are straight because it's the most common sexuality. They do not expect other sexuality therefore they must be informed by the child.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2015 11:45am
I think because society hasn't 100% accepted the LGBTQ community. Most people are straight/cis, so they just assume everyone is straight/cis, though that's not always the case.
Tastica
November 23rd, 2015 12:14am
Unfortunately, the world tends to assume everyone is straight unless stated otherwise - this bias is called 'heteronormativity'.
Sylviaplath489
December 8th, 2015 4:59pm
Because of the society, because of the our religions. They said us 'being normal is love opposite sex." They still dont get it 'love is love.'
Anonymous
December 12th, 2015 9:17pm
I know it doesn't really make sense, but that is where our society is at right now. I hope that we can grow to not expect our children to be straight, so people won't have to come out. But also, remember, even though coming out is something that many people feel is important, if you don't want to for any reason, you don't have to.
Anonymous
December 15th, 2015 6:38pm
I've actually always asked myself this question. It's like if they say "Oh I'm straight." They don't say anything but if you tell them that you're queer, they make a giant deal out of it like what?
Greatlistener87
April 11th, 2016 6:03am
This is because in the society its a norm to be straight. Its published in movies and so on. But if you are different from straight it will be a new thing to many even your parents as it is not a norm or widely spoken of.
radiantPassion58
April 11th, 2016 4:14pm
Okay imagine your straight male friend came home and told his parents he had a girlfriend. Would they be very surprised? Probably not. At least not because it's a girl. If your parents don't already think that you're gay they probably will be surprised if you tell them that your partner is of the same sex as you. Therefore you tell them. They won't be surprised of your partner after your outing. But you can choose if you want to make it a spectacular thing to step out of the closet or if you, just like your straight friends, only introduce your partner without discussing your sexuality before. Nobody can force you to officially announce your gayness.
thatsorachel
May 17th, 2016 9:44pm
Technically, if you don't want to tell your parents that you are queer, you don't have to, you'll just be keeping a big part of your life from them. It is kind of unfortunate that it is the way it is and that it has to be such a big deal to "come out" to your family, and that everyone is assumed to be straight unless they say otherwise. It's just the mindset that everyone is in, that straight is the norm, which I hope will change as time passes.
BrooklynM
October 18th, 2016 10:05pm
That is something I don't understand either. I guess it is the "coming out" thing that causes the hush hush in the LGBTQAI+ community. But just don't say anything and come home with your boyfriend or girlfriend and see how your parents react.
bl0ssomingcherry
January 16th, 2017 2:10am
Due to stigma in the past about being queer being "unnatural" probably. It's frustrating, as all relationships and preferences should be treated equally. People are becoming more accepting of things outside the traditional norm set up though, to the point that in the future it won't look anything like it does just now!
Masenka
January 23rd, 2017 7:35pm
We live in a hetero-normative world, which means, unfortunately, that most of the people expect you to be straight. In order for them to recognise your true self and your sexual orientation, you need to tell people. And while doing that you make change to this world - so maybe one day, queer people would be no different to straight.
NeaThompson
August 27th, 2018 3:41am
Sadly in our society being heterosexual is considered default so if we never clarify our sexual orientation people just sort of assume we are straight, sometimes it’s an honest mistake and people don’t really mean anything by it. So coming out to our parents is almost always necessary because though some people can be quite perceptive most need to be told to let go of preconceived assumptions. Remember that coming out, specially to family, is a very important moment, be honest and open with your feelings, and no matter the outcome remember that your sexuality does in no way alter the way you are as a person and how much you are worth.