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Why is it easier to "come out" to someone I just met than to my friends of years?

40 Answers
Last Updated: 01/17/2022 at 7:49am
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 12th, 2015 6:07pm
That's actually quite simple. People you've known for years have had a big impact on your life, and still have. If someone you just met will hate you for being gay, you'll easily get over it. If your friends/family that you've known for years decide to end things over your sexuality, you'd be sad for a far longer period if time. So, simply said, the opinion of those you've known longer is far more important to you.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 13th, 2018 11:45pm
Sometimes it's easier to open up with people we barely know... Maybe you fear that the way your friends see you will change, maybe you're afraid of judgement and you don't want to affect your relationship. It's normal to have these fears, but a true friend, one that really cares for you and loves you for who you are, will understand that the person you are doesn't change. They love you because of something deeper than appearance. If your friendship is true, no prejudice will end it, and you will have your closest friends by your side to support you!
LatteJoy
April 10th, 2015 7:07am
I have one theory. When it is someone you've just met, they don't know much about you and their perception of who you are as a person is still not fully formed. You know that what you say to them will not shake their idea of 'you' and in turn you won't be judged so heavily. And when it comes to people you've known for a longer time, they already know you and are well acquainted with you. It's a bit scary to come out to them because you feel that they will start thinking differently of you. Take care. :)
PriscilaOrellana
May 10th, 2015 8:30pm
Because we can be afraid to lose our friends and when we meet someone we have the opportunity to be who we are no matter what they can say or think.
Anonymous
March 19th, 2015 5:50pm
It may seem easier to come out to someone you have just met rather than friends you have known for years because you may have had memories or something really happen with your friends, or you don't want to lose the friends you already have. It is easier to tell someone you just met because you haven't made a true impression on them yet and you don't have much to lose.
jokikukka
November 16th, 2015 9:53pm
They don't have the years of history behind u & a friend. Anonymity. Decrease in possible judgement.
IIRainbowGuyII
February 16th, 2016 3:01pm
Because you had all those years to with the friends and they became something very special.... It's harder to say news that aren't that usual to someone very close..
Lis2346
March 6th, 2016 11:36pm
In my personal experience it can be two things. The first thing is what a lot of people have said already, there's a lot of more pressure when you come out to friends you've been together for a longer time because you value their presence on your life and you are worried of what they might think of you because of that. When you say it in front of a stranger it really does not affect you as much because their presence in your life doesn't have such a meaningful connection. In the other hand, you might find having a much more deeper connection with a person you've known for less time than your long life friends and they can give you the support and understanding you crave, so it feels right to come out to them, because you know they won't judge you (that as in making a comparison on how it was to come out to one of my long time friends to my university friends which have been both incredibly supportive).
Youtooktimetoreadmyname
January 17th, 2022 7:49am
It might be because you have not formed a connection to a stranger and are not afraid of losing them, whereas you are afraid that your friends of many years may leave you when you come out to them.
Anonymous
March 15th, 2016 11:49pm
Because you don't need the new persons validation. You don't have the fear of rejection the same way. If it was your friend who rejected you, you'd be heartbroken. If it was the new person, you'd feel mild annoyance or nothing at all.
RileyTwiggs
June 7th, 2016 4:20am
Because you're afraid of ruining something that has already been established, as opposed to a person you just met, who you don't have an established relationship with.
Meguminx
July 18th, 2016 12:15am
Sometimes telling the people that are closest to you things they don't already know can be a scary task. It's easier to come out to someone you just met because there's no emotional connection. There's no expectations or fear that they might change their opinion of you since none exists at that specific time. However, the process of telling past friends and seeing their reactions whether good or bad will help you determine whether they're worth keeping. Never be ashamed of who you are. Much love, Xoxo
Anonymous
October 24th, 2016 7:28am
Someone you just met has only known you for a short period of time, and consequently, their image of you won't change much. But when you're telling a friend of years, they've known you for so long and it can be worrying, thinking that they might not be accepting of you now.
BradyHero
January 17th, 2017 6:32pm
Coming out to someone you don't know often means less because they're a much smaller part of your life than people you've known for a long time. When coming out to friends you have known for a long time, you feel that you may have more to lose or that there is more pressure because they mean more to you.
calmZebra60
February 14th, 2017 7:50pm
I've seen it happen before, and you know, we have that connection with old friends that we don't have with a stranger. If I were you, I'd be scared of losing that connection over something that is a part of me. But still, whether or not they agree with it, if they are a good friend they wont try and change you
bountifulDancer54
April 4th, 2017 10:36pm
I find that when you come out to friends, it's harder because I care so much more about them. Also, they have more expectations for you that you might feel like you have to fulfill, consiously or unconsciously. And the idea of a friend regecting you or not accepting you is just so much more painful than a stranger doing the same thing.
Larelya
April 17th, 2017 12:05am
The person you meet new doesn't have a 'picture' from you yet but your friends maybe assumed you were straight/cis/... your whole life and you would have to 'change' this fact. When you meet somebody new you can tell them whatever you want to say, they won't question it.
UntilThen
July 17th, 2017 6:45am
With people you have known for a long time you worry about breaking the image they already have of you while with someone new can get to know you with that already in mind. Anyone close to you will most likely be accepting and think little to no differently about you.
Anonymous
September 19th, 2017 5:42am
Because they are a stranger, and from my own personal experience in other topics, talking to strangers is much simpler to someone you knew for years because I feel as I'm not as being judged and if I am, I just met them, I dont have to see them again but, a friend, I do have to see and its anxious seeing her reactions to things.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2017 7:31pm
Coming out isn't easy, when we are telling people we care about such as our friends, we are more likely to worry about their reactions. We are less likely to worry what someone will think about our sexual orientation and gender identity if we have only just met that person because their reaction is less likely to cause us distress.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2017 9:23am
It is always easier because there is less to lose. A friend you just met is easier to let go of if they disapprove. A friend you've known a long time is harder because you want their approval more.
LetMeHelpYouBecomeBetter
December 1st, 2017 12:14am
It is easier to "come out" to someone you just met because you just met them and they don't really have the/a big impact onto your life. It's really simple.
Fifi2018
December 10th, 2018 12:24am
I have been in that situation before so in my experience its because they don't know you so they don't have any expectations of you so they won't be 'shocked' as they have no history with you, but sometimes coming out to a new friend can be a good thing because, 1 if they are against it there's no harm no foul as they weren't a big part of your life and 2 it can be a big help to get things of your chest and just finally say it out loud. It can also give you some practice as to how you can come out to your friends and just remember if your friends fall out with you over being part of the LGBTQ+ then they aren't good friends in the first place.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2015 9:23pm
I think we expect that there's so much more to lose with people we've known for a long time. If it's someone you just met, you often don't care too much about what they think. That being said, I think there's a lot of other reasons. I've experienced this myself, and I can't say I know exactly why things are this way.
bestTruth96
May 22nd, 2015 1:01am
When you come out to someone you just met you are not worried that you will judge you. Coming out to someone you have known for many years is harder because you are emotionally attached to them.
CJSteckDawg
May 27th, 2015 6:02am
You have a history with people you have met for years. And coming out to them may feel like you are "rewriting that history" or that your past "means something else." With someone new, you are able to be authentic before they have too large of an idea of who you are.
AriAri
June 6th, 2015 8:18pm
I've done this before specifically online. I came out to my first person on tumblr actually, it was terrifying but easier because this new person is not connected to my life at all, they don't know anyone I know so there was no risk or anyone close to me knowing. (In fact it took a year for me to come out to the people closest to me). New people are easy because I either never talk to them again or they live a completely separate life to mine. With friends I feel there's so much more at stake years of friendships and you're exposing a huge part of yourself and there's a lot more to lose there, so it's often the case people worry more about it.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2015 5:08pm
Probably because the fear of rejection is different. If your good friends reject you, that's a much bigger deal that if someone you just met rejects you, because your friend's opinion is much more valuable to you.
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2015 10:17am
this is because we know our friends from years and they know us from a long time, and we do know that we will be knowing them in our future. so a thought arises in our mind that tell us that if we have to stay with our friends for longer then what will he or she will think about when we tell him that we are not the one they think we are. whereas when we just meet we don't have any such corner for them and we dont care about what will they think about if they find out who we are.....its just psychology...
Emmastylinson21
November 18th, 2015 3:41pm
Because you're not afraid of judgment, you don't think about what they will say because they are a stranger and it likely won't matter to you what they think. On the other hand, close friends and family member's opinions are important to you, so its harder to come out to them