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Why is my daughter a lesbian?

135 Answers
Last Updated: 11/27/2019 at 5:30am
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United States
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Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Strengths-based, solution-focused therapist focusing on helping clients find life balance and navigating down their own path leading towards overall well-being.

Top Rated Answers
October 11th, 2016 10:38pm
Your daughter was born that way! While it can be hard for parents to process that their child is gay, they are still your child and you should still love them, no matter what. Chances are they were scared to come out to you and it's important to show your love.
January 3rd, 2017 5:53pm
1) Gay people exist 2) Gay people are randomly distributed throughout the population. Nature / nurture aside, it is impossible to know before someone is born if they will be gay. 3) Your daughter is a random person throughout the human population. 4) Therefore there is some probability that she would be gay.
February 20th, 2017 11:03pm
Your daughter is a lesbian because she is one. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It's just how she is. More importantly, what kind of person is she? If she is kind, caring, loving, friendly, warm, generous etc etc then those are the most important character traits as well as the ability to love and be loved. Your daughter is the same person you have always known, she is simply romantically and sexually attracted exclusively to other women. Embrace what she is and hold her to your heart. Cherish what you have because all expressions of love are beautiful x
May 22nd, 2017 8:27am
She was born that way just like how you were born liking whatever gender you're into. There's nothing wrong with it.
July 3rd, 2017 3:31am
Why are you straight? Do you have an answer? No, right? Just like that, there's no answer for why your daughter is a lesbian. Just like you were born "straight", she was born "lesbian". It is a natural phenomena and no one has control over it.
July 25th, 2017 5:30pm
It is simply because that is who she is. It is not a choice and it just happens to be that she likes other girls. There is nothing wrong with it and is completely normal. The only thing you can do is to be supportive and continue to love her as that is all she'd want from you.
August 3rd, 2017 5:46pm
A lot of people have already given the straightforward answer "because she likes girls" or "because she was born that way". They're absolutely right. However, coming from a conservative background, I can understand why you might feel like you did something wrong or that your daughter may have been corrupted in some way. It's okay to feel that way, but you have to realize that these are base reactions (almost animalistic) because of the world you were raised to believe in. It's scary to realize that your daughter may become someone other than the little girl that you have always loved. The most important thing you can do is remember that she hasn't changed. She has always been this way. This is the exact same little girl who you have watched grow up. The same girl you held when she was small. The same girl you've bonded with in a way you never knew was possible. The same girl that has made you feel virtually every emotion in the book. She's still her. Who she loves doesn't change who she is. I hope you can see and accept that. I hope you can realize we can't control who we love. And I hope you can't control your overwhelming love for her even if you're still struggling to understand.
November 21st, 2017 3:45pm
She didn't choose to be this way, so word why is not an appropriate word for this. You might want to ask her when did she realise that, but her being a lesbian is not her choice.
November 28th, 2017 7:40am
This can seem very difficult to answer and possibly difficult to understand. Being lesbian, liking women, or being gay and liking men isn’t something that can be controlled. Imagine the way you look at someone you love. It’s just this overwhelming feeling, one that you can’t exactly explain. We all get this feeling, whether it be looking at people we care about or that special someone in our lives. The thing is, that your daughter did not choose to be a lesbian. She was born liking women the way that you may like men/women. If you have a significant other, or have been in love, you know that this feeling is not something you choose. It just happens—this beautiful feeling—a skip of the heart, butterflies in the stomach. I know that I didn’t choose to fall in love with the man I’m with, and nobody exactly chooses to fall in love with a specific person. It just happens. And love is beautiful, no matter who it’s with. And these feelings can not be changed :) love is love. If you mean more scientifically, some people have come to believe that there is a ‘gay’ gene in your genetics which decides if someone is what we call straight or gay (bisexual, asexual, Pan sexual, soforth), so it is predetermined before someone is born. This seems to be the most likely, but it is definitely not a choice. I could not imagine being in love with a woman, just like how people who like the same gender couldn’t imagine being in love with the opposite gender. I hope this helped!! (And I hope you’re doing okay)
April 17th, 2018 3:40pm
I don't think anyone can give you a definite answer. We still don't know why certain people are gay while others aren't. But why are you asking the question exactly? I understand it can be a really hard thing to accept, I also understand that you might be scared or hurt right now. And that doesn't make you a bad parent. The important thing here is that this is not something that can change. Your daughter never chose to be gay, it's also not your fault, but that's just how things are. And what you're probably gonna have to do now is accept this reality and get used to the idea. I've seen too many parents loose the respect of their (gay) children because they tried to change who they were to not warn you about it. Communicate, get informed, ask questions, focus on the love you have for your daughter, and things will be alright.
May 2nd, 2018 6:14am
She is lesbian because it was just how she was wired. Its just how she was born. You can't change that. If she likes girls, she likes girls. Its not a big deal. Love her and accept her no matter what. She is your daughter. You only get one of her.
August 7th, 2018 6:29pm
She was born that way, she didnt chose to be a lesbian, and I'm sure based on societies judgement sometimes she wishes she wasnt, but please try to be supportive and understanding of her.
January 1st, 2019 10:50pm
As a lesbian myself, I can tell you that it’s something you’re born as. There isn’t a reason she’s a lesbian any more than there’s a reason some people are straight. What’s important is not her sexual orientation, but that she’s a kind and caring person. As her parent, the most important thing you can do is support her and be proud of her - including of her sexuality. It is hard a lot of the time to come out, to share your story, and telling her you appreciate her trusting you is going to mean a lot to her. Being openly supportive is the most important thing and will only make your relationship with your daughter stronger. Remember, she’s the same person she was before she came out - she’s always been a lesbian. Now you just know more about her - and that’s wonderful!
July 30th, 2019 6:58pm
People can't always control who they're attracted to and more often than not they feel isolated and unhappy when they discover that they are homosexual or any other part of the LGBTQ+ community. Your daughter telling you openly that she's homosexual is very brave of her and you should feel honored that she felt your relationship was good enough for her to share that with you. There is nothing you can say or do that'll change the way she feel about other females. If you want to be in your daughter's life the best course of action will be to show that her sexuality doesn't change anything between you, she deserves to be loved and to have a parents support. So many homosexual and bisexuals feel alone and that can be very rough on a person's mental health. Please support your daughter because I guarantee you, she probably already feels alone.
November 27th, 2019 5:30am
It is believed that sexuality is developed very early in life, as in it is a part of your brain. It can also be developed a little later in life. By the time someone reaches late childhood, their sexuality is defined, even if they do not know it yet. A person's sexuality also can not be changed through methods such as conversion therapy. Accepting a child for being something other than straight can be difficult. One way that you can try to have sympathy for her is to think about your own experience with sexuality. You didn't choose to be straight, it's just what felt right, so who's to say she hasn't had the same experience?