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Why is my son gay?

124 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 8:33am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Mexico
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2019 7:04am
People do not choose what sexual and romantic orientation they will be, it's just how their brain is wired. I want you to know that it can be hard for some people to accept family members and loved ones who come out as something other than cisgender heterosexual heteromantic. It will take time for you to adjust to this, but please know that your son will have worked through a lot to get the point that he feels okay to come out to you. He may have battled inwardly to accept how he feels as I know I did when discovering that I wasn't straight. Its so hard to accept yourself, and to not be accepted by the people you trust is a real blow, so even if you have mixed emotions, please try and be supportive of your son as he will really need it
Anonymous
February 11th, 2020 9:09pm
Sexuality is fluid, chances are he wasn't very happy about it when he first found out. Being gay is not a choice so much as an attraction, and trying to deny it would only make him feel worst about himself. Your son is gay because he had the ability to reach beyond the stereotypical for boys and open himself up to the vulnerability that comes with being different. Love him for that, respect his choices in love, support him in relationships as you would if he were straight, be there for him, and support him in his journey in life.
Lesliagomez
June 1st, 2021 10:21pm
Learning that your child is lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) can be a difficult process for parents. Many parents feel shock or fear. Some blame themselves, some reject their child, others want to be supportive but don't know how. Even parents who consider themselves accepting of LGBT people can react harshly to their own child's coming out. If your child comes out to you, you may feel like you've lost the person you love. However, it is important to remember that this is the same person you loved just minutes before he or she told you. The very fact that your child felt comfortable enough to tell you speaks volumes about the relationship you share. If you have a negative, knee-jerk reaction, do not be ashamed of this; try to accept the fact that you have had a shock for which few parents are prepared. Give yourself time to absorb the news, but do not take your anger or confusion out on your child. Though there is no "right" way to act in this situation, understand that now is a time to talk, to ask questions and, most of all, to show your child
Anonymous
June 28th, 2021 8:33am
We can't always choose who we are attracted to or who we fall in love. We are the way we are and there is seldom anything we can do to change that. It's what makes him happy and joyful so its the way that he will move forward. As we grow liking certain things and disliking other things naturally for no reason so is the case with people. It's just how he is and what makes him happy. And in a loving world I'm sure you will be happy with what makes him happy even if we cannot fully understand why.