Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I know if I'm gay, lesbian, or bisexual?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 07/14/2021 at 10:14pm
How do I know if I'm gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
★ This question about LGBTQ+ Issues was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD

Psychologist

With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
helpfulkitty14
August 12th, 2015 10:14pm
youwl know that your gay or lesbian if you find a strong attraction to the same gender an you see them as a spouse. you know if your bisexual if you fell this way about both genders.
JinkzKitty
June 9th, 2015 10:06pm
It's something very internal, not controlled by the external world. You have to look inside yourself and see what you feel and feel what you believe to be true.
compassionateCat90
April 10th, 2018 1:43am
Gay and lesbian are essentially the same thing. In my experience gay is more refered to for males and lesbian for females. If you were gay it would mean you have a strong attraction to the same gender and prefer romantic or sexual encounters with your own gender. If you're bisexual you are attracted to both genders equally and don't necessarily have a preference or stronger attraction to one over the other
AtYourService
June 26th, 2015 4:00pm
Here are some quick tests that may help you work out which gender(s) you're attracted to: 1) Go outside to a busy area, to a gym, or look at pictures of celebrities. Which people are your eyes most drawn to? 2)Think about the people at school/work/your social circle. Which of them do you feel most shy about interacting with?
FelicityxCorinne
January 10th, 2016 7:02pm
If you feel attracted to the same gender, you could still be 'straight'. It would just me you have same sex attraction, like thinking a girl is beautiful. However, if you feel this romantically more than once, and still like the opposite sex, you could be bisexual. If you are a girl and you find that you do not have romantic interests in boys, you could be lesbian. The same goes for boys.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2015 3:38pm
I knew I was a lesbian whenever I had more thoughts about girls than guys. Its something you just know. Yes , I would think guys were cute but whenever I saw a girl it would an attraction if I found her attractive.
NolenCrDr
June 21st, 2015 3:21pm
It's in the inside. You cannot look at you in the mirror and say "I want to be gay". It's not a choice. It's who you are and who you love.
EmeliaKate
July 25th, 2015 5:08pm
You are the world's leading expert on you. In the end, whichever label you identify with, you love who you love. Your feelings are human, and as such don't fit into conveniently distinct shiny little boxes, and what's more, they are fluid and so are susceptible to change. Choosing a label can help you to affirm your identity and find your place in a community, and can help convey to others who you might be into, but you're are so much more than that label so don't worry too much if it doesn't all make sense, right away or ever.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2016 2:15pm
It is about how you feel about yourself, of what do you love or what do you want to do in your life
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 7:11pm
hmm you just know everybody is different you are the only person that knows your body and your thoughts. nobody can tell you what you dont know yourself. expirment see hwo you feel. google coming out stories and see if you can relate to any of them. or talk to me and i can give you resources to help you.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2015 11:03pm
You will know, I have had this problem for many years. And probably many more to come. Go with what your heart is saying. Only your heart knows if you truly like the same gender, or if you still have a thing for the opposite.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 3:13pm
Gay and lesbian are basically the same thing. "Gay" is just a more gender-neutral term for being homosexual and "lesbian" is only for women. If you've had a crush on someone who is the same gender as you, you're gay. If you've also had a crush on someone who is a different gender, you're bisexual.
itsstupid
August 16th, 2015 8:57am
Well, gays are males are attracted to only males, lesbians are females who are attracted to females while bisexual are males/females attracted to both genders. There's lots of different labels out there to explore, so don't be stuck with only these few labels
Brunski
June 28th, 2015 11:07am
Deep down we all reach a point where we can say, "I just know I am gay, lesbian or Bi" this journey is different for everyone, for some its a journey that comes quick and relatively "easy" for others it's a slow and long, often painful journey. Everyone is different, there is no set rule to say this is how you know you are gay or not, but one way to clarify our sexual orientation is by our thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. We may have "gay thoughts" and fantasies of the same-sex, then the emotions that these thoughts bring out in us is often a "key" and ultimately our behaviour, how we act upon or respond to these thoughts and emotions and whether we continue with this response as opposed to a "one off" or "just having fun" Ask yourself, what behaviours have you experienced involving people of the same sex as you? Maybe you've masturbated to same-sex pornography or same-sex nudity or to your own fantasies that have involved someone of the same sex. If you have had sexual experiences with people of the same sex, how satisfying were those experiences, emotionally as well as sexually? Also consider your heterosexual experiences. If you have had sexual experiences with people of the other sex, how much did you enjoy were those experiences, emotionally as well as sexually? Things like hugging and kissing. What has been your response to experiences of touch with males and females? Which experience gave you more pleasure and excitement, same-sex encounters of opposite sex-encounters? These will give you a glue to your sexual orientation. But of course, one off experiences or "just having fun" experiences dont always give us "proof" that we are gay or lesbian or bi, but it's when these experiences become more regular. It's when our thoughts and desires, and our actions become something we find ourselves wanting to repeat and we discover that in doing so we continue to derive more and more pleasure, then I think we start to gain an understanding "which side of the fence we sit" as they say. If you confused about your sexuality, give yourself time to understand your feeling and to explore your desires and thoughts. You will eventually come to a point where you can say, I know I am gay ...
Rift
August 13th, 2015 3:13am
Just take your time, and eventually it should become clear. If you sometimes have sexual feelings towards someone, keep in mind if they are male or female, this could help you identify what you are, specifically. Alternatively, in your mind, imagine a sexual scenario with both people of the opposite sex as well as the same sex as yourself, and determine how you react to both genders. That's not conclusive proof, most likely, but it can help you to start figuring out your own sexuality.
AccidentalHipster
July 26th, 2015 5:05pm
It's something that you accept over time, you can't force yourself into being a certain sexual orientation. I would suggest asking yourself if and how attracted you are to the opposite gender and the same gender. In the end you don't even need to label yourself as anything. And besides gay/lesbian and bisexual there are many other sexual orientations. You don't have to decide within a week, take your time to understand your feelings. Sexuality isn't something that is black and white. :)
Anonymous
January 20th, 2016 4:15am
Do what I did: Look up definitions of sexualities and figure out if you would consider that type of romantic partner.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2015 10:03pm
Some people are lucky enough to know very early on in life and, without need for 'testing the waters' they are already aware of the specificities of their sexual orientation. However, for the majority people, they only know once they have experimented. Many individuals will come to fully understand and embrace their sexuality in their post-teenage year, after having taken the time to assess the extent of their attractions, etc. Sexuality is a spectrum, and an extremely broad one at that. It takes time.
Angel80L
June 21st, 2015 10:36am
I've struggled with this myself, I feel like only you can truly know yourself. Everyone goes through a curious stage, so it doesn't particularly feel like anything- it's only natural. Don't feel like you need to apply a label to it (go with what feels right), you don't need to categorise yourself. If a boy floats your boat, go with the boy. If a girl floats you boat, go with the girl. Don't feel like you have to force yourself into anything to know. One day you'll just know and until that day just relax and enjoy the moment- with whatever gender seems right at the time :)
kaizerwithaz
January 24th, 2016 5:43pm
Sexuality doesn't matter. You shouldn't feel that you have to label. You are a human being, and you love who you love, regardless of their gender, sex or anything else.
joyfulStrawberry72
January 16th, 2016 5:54pm
Who you are attracted too is not necessarily a reflection of your sexual orientation. A person can admire or even fantasise about somebody of the same sex. Doesn't mean they are glb. It"s more personal than that. Not about the sex. It's about the heart the feeling right. Feeling complete.
warmteawithablanket
June 20th, 2015 12:33pm
Like most issues with gender and sexuality, more than anything you have to listen to yourself and what you are feeling. While you are discovering yourself, don't let anybody tell you who you are or what you feel. Take some time to ask yourself about your romantic or sexual attraction and who you feel it towards, there a lot of different sexuality's other than just gay, lesbian and bisexual, so don't feel uncomfortable if none of those fit for you, researching different types of sexual and romantic attraction can help you in discovering who you are.
Anonymous
October 16th, 2019 9:30pm
Initially, it's completely ok to question your sexuality. The human sexuality is a broader term. If a person is attracted to different sex person then they are straight. Where as if a person is attracted to same sex they are known as gay, and for the females it is termed as lesbian. When a person is attracted to both the genders they are known as bisexual. One takes time to understand and figure out their sexual prefferences as well as to whom they are basicly attracted to. You can just ask yourself, whether you are attracted towards the same gender or towards the different gender. This process can take some, but you can open about this to your trusted people and gradually with time you will understand about yourself.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 19th, 2019 1:55am
You can try to imagine yourself with different people of different genders in sexual and romantic contexts and be as honest with yourself as you can about how that makes you feel. You can analyze your feelings and sensations, your physical and emotional response to these fantasies will give you a clue of what your orientation is. If fantasies about two (or more!) genders feel good, you're bisexual. If you feel good only about your same gender, you're gay/lesbian (if you're male/female).
LovingAngel2002
April 9th, 2018 12:15pm
Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, ECT. Is all about experimenting. Coming out can be very scary. Being in the LGBT community is really great. Everyone is loving and sweet. Knowing what you are, deals with who you love. If you to date females romantically and like guys sexually, you are gayromantic and heterosexual. Who you love or like is all apon you.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2017 1:42am
As a bisexual person speaking from experience, you kinda know the answers already, just taking a couple of seconds to be true to yourself and identify the feelings you are having towards different genders gives away the answers, still your sexuality is part of what you are, not who you are, so you do you, and take it easy
Anonymous
July 3rd, 2015 2:30am
A male who is only attracted to other males is classified as gay. A female who is only attracted to other females is classified as lesbian. A male or female who is attracted to both male and female is bisexual.
handtohold
July 22nd, 2015 4:23pm
I don't think it matters if you know the categorization of your sexual orientation. You feel what you feel - I think it's fine to just take every person as they come - am I attracted to them? Would I like a relationship with them? Would I like to have sex with them? Could I forge a meaningful connection platonic or otherwise? However if it does make you more comfortable to give yourself a title or group or category to be apart of - there are many methods of doing so. I would suggest you check out some of the videos on sexuality on the YouTube channel "sexplanations" x
DragonDuBose
August 14th, 2015 1:57am
There is no easy answer to this question, and yet at the same time it is a very simple question. Basically, if you find that you are attracted (sexually, romantically, etc.) to people of the same sex or gender as you, or to people of more than one sex or gender, then in all likelihood you are not straight. It's that simple. However, no one can tell you if you are gay or pan or any label. That's something that you have to discover for yourself, and it's something that may not be simple or even constant. Sexuality is fluid. I'm either pan or bi or queer depending on how I feel about the words on any given day. What does it mean practically? It means I am open to relationships with many types of people, and I accept that about myself. Accept yourself, love yourself, use labels if and only if they help you.
Anonymous
July 14th, 2021 10:14pm
There are lots of different sexualitys and I believe it takes time to find one that suits you. lots of people change and some even prefer to stay unlabled so I think the most important part is staying true to yourself. Dont feel as if you have to fit into any certain category just be you. Then again if you want to be labelled that's fine, research never hurts and figure out who you don't and do like. Keep in mind this can change and that's absolutely fine, the way you feel for one person may be completely different for another of the same gender so make sure you keep your options open. Once you feel as if you know who you like feel free to look for sexualitys that match. There are countless different sexuality combinations with different names, some which don't even have any yet so don't worry if you cant find the perfect one. And remember sexuality can change so if you find the one that fits well done! but don't feel as if you are stuck with that forever. The most important part is being you (: