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How do I know if I'm gay, lesbian, or bisexual?

303 Answers
Last Updated: 07/14/2021 at 10:14pm
How do I know if I'm gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
★ This question about LGBTQ+ Issues was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 29th, 2016 6:05am
think about who you'd like to have sex with: look at naked pictures of different genders, research porn if you have to. you might also have no sexual attraction at all, which is also normal. good luck :)
JinkzKitty
June 9th, 2015 10:06pm
It's something very internal, not controlled by the external world. You have to look inside yourself and see what you feel and feel what you believe to be true.
NolenCrDr
June 21st, 2015 3:21pm
It's in the inside. You cannot look at you in the mirror and say "I want to be gay". It's not a choice. It's who you are and who you love.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 7:11pm
hmm you just know everybody is different you are the only person that knows your body and your thoughts. nobody can tell you what you dont know yourself. expirment see hwo you feel. google coming out stories and see if you can relate to any of them. or talk to me and i can give you resources to help you.
AtYourService
June 26th, 2015 4:00pm
Here are some quick tests that may help you work out which gender(s) you're attracted to: 1) Go outside to a busy area, to a gym, or look at pictures of celebrities. Which people are your eyes most drawn to? 2)Think about the people at school/work/your social circle. Which of them do you feel most shy about interacting with?
Anonymous
July 24th, 2015 3:38pm
I knew I was a lesbian whenever I had more thoughts about girls than guys. Its something you just know. Yes , I would think guys were cute but whenever I saw a girl it would an attraction if I found her attractive.
EmeliaKate
July 25th, 2015 5:08pm
You are the world's leading expert on you. In the end, whichever label you identify with, you love who you love. Your feelings are human, and as such don't fit into conveniently distinct shiny little boxes, and what's more, they are fluid and so are susceptible to change. Choosing a label can help you to affirm your identity and find your place in a community, and can help convey to others who you might be into, but you're are so much more than that label so don't worry too much if it doesn't all make sense, right away or ever.
FelicityxCorinne
January 10th, 2016 7:02pm
If you feel attracted to the same gender, you could still be 'straight'. It would just me you have same sex attraction, like thinking a girl is beautiful. However, if you feel this romantically more than once, and still like the opposite sex, you could be bisexual. If you are a girl and you find that you do not have romantic interests in boys, you could be lesbian. The same goes for boys.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2016 2:15pm
It is about how you feel about yourself, of what do you love or what do you want to do in your life
compassionateCat90
April 10th, 2018 1:43am
Gay and lesbian are essentially the same thing. In my experience gay is more refered to for males and lesbian for females. If you were gay it would mean you have a strong attraction to the same gender and prefer romantic or sexual encounters with your own gender. If you're bisexual you are attracted to both genders equally and don't necessarily have a preference or stronger attraction to one over the other
warmteawithablanket
June 20th, 2015 12:33pm
Like most issues with gender and sexuality, more than anything you have to listen to yourself and what you are feeling. While you are discovering yourself, don't let anybody tell you who you are or what you feel. Take some time to ask yourself about your romantic or sexual attraction and who you feel it towards, there a lot of different sexuality's other than just gay, lesbian and bisexual, so don't feel uncomfortable if none of those fit for you, researching different types of sexual and romantic attraction can help you in discovering who you are.
Angel80L
June 21st, 2015 10:36am
I've struggled with this myself, I feel like only you can truly know yourself. Everyone goes through a curious stage, so it doesn't particularly feel like anything- it's only natural. Don't feel like you need to apply a label to it (go with what feels right), you don't need to categorise yourself. If a boy floats your boat, go with the boy. If a girl floats you boat, go with the girl. Don't feel like you have to force yourself into anything to know. One day you'll just know and until that day just relax and enjoy the moment- with whatever gender seems right at the time :)
Anonymous
June 27th, 2015 11:03pm
You will know, I have had this problem for many years. And probably many more to come. Go with what your heart is saying. Only your heart knows if you truly like the same gender, or if you still have a thing for the opposite.
Brunski
June 28th, 2015 11:07am
Deep down we all reach a point where we can say, "I just know I am gay, lesbian or Bi" this journey is different for everyone, for some its a journey that comes quick and relatively "easy" for others it's a slow and long, often painful journey. Everyone is different, there is no set rule to say this is how you know you are gay or not, but one way to clarify our sexual orientation is by our thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. We may have "gay thoughts" and fantasies of the same-sex, then the emotions that these thoughts bring out in us is often a "key" and ultimately our behaviour, how we act upon or respond to these thoughts and emotions and whether we continue with this response as opposed to a "one off" or "just having fun" Ask yourself, what behaviours have you experienced involving people of the same sex as you? Maybe you've masturbated to same-sex pornography or same-sex nudity or to your own fantasies that have involved someone of the same sex. If you have had sexual experiences with people of the same sex, how satisfying were those experiences, emotionally as well as sexually? Also consider your heterosexual experiences. If you have had sexual experiences with people of the other sex, how much did you enjoy were those experiences, emotionally as well as sexually? Things like hugging and kissing. What has been your response to experiences of touch with males and females? Which experience gave you more pleasure and excitement, same-sex encounters of opposite sex-encounters? These will give you a glue to your sexual orientation. But of course, one off experiences or "just having fun" experiences dont always give us "proof" that we are gay or lesbian or bi, but it's when these experiences become more regular. It's when our thoughts and desires, and our actions become something we find ourselves wanting to repeat and we discover that in doing so we continue to derive more and more pleasure, then I think we start to gain an understanding "which side of the fence we sit" as they say. If you confused about your sexuality, give yourself time to understand your feeling and to explore your desires and thoughts. You will eventually come to a point where you can say, I know I am gay ...
Anonymous
July 24th, 2015 10:03pm
Some people are lucky enough to know very early on in life and, without need for 'testing the waters' they are already aware of the specificities of their sexual orientation. However, for the majority people, they only know once they have experimented. Many individuals will come to fully understand and embrace their sexuality in their post-teenage year, after having taken the time to assess the extent of their attractions, etc. Sexuality is a spectrum, and an extremely broad one at that. It takes time.
AccidentalHipster
July 26th, 2015 5:05pm
It's something that you accept over time, you can't force yourself into being a certain sexual orientation. I would suggest asking yourself if and how attracted you are to the opposite gender and the same gender. In the end you don't even need to label yourself as anything. And besides gay/lesbian and bisexual there are many other sexual orientations. You don't have to decide within a week, take your time to understand your feelings. Sexuality isn't something that is black and white. :)
Rift
August 13th, 2015 3:13am
Just take your time, and eventually it should become clear. If you sometimes have sexual feelings towards someone, keep in mind if they are male or female, this could help you identify what you are, specifically. Alternatively, in your mind, imagine a sexual scenario with both people of the opposite sex as well as the same sex as yourself, and determine how you react to both genders. That's not conclusive proof, most likely, but it can help you to start figuring out your own sexuality.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 3:13pm
Gay and lesbian are basically the same thing. "Gay" is just a more gender-neutral term for being homosexual and "lesbian" is only for women. If you've had a crush on someone who is the same gender as you, you're gay. If you've also had a crush on someone who is a different gender, you're bisexual.
itsstupid
August 16th, 2015 8:57am
Well, gays are males are attracted to only males, lesbians are females who are attracted to females while bisexual are males/females attracted to both genders. There's lots of different labels out there to explore, so don't be stuck with only these few labels
joyfulStrawberry72
January 16th, 2016 5:54pm
Who you are attracted too is not necessarily a reflection of your sexual orientation. A person can admire or even fantasise about somebody of the same sex. Doesn't mean they are glb. It"s more personal than that. Not about the sex. It's about the heart the feeling right. Feeling complete.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2016 4:15am
Do what I did: Look up definitions of sexualities and figure out if you would consider that type of romantic partner.
kaizerwithaz
January 24th, 2016 5:43pm
Sexuality doesn't matter. You shouldn't feel that you have to label. You are a human being, and you love who you love, regardless of their gender, sex or anything else.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2017 1:42am
As a bisexual person speaking from experience, you kinda know the answers already, just taking a couple of seconds to be true to yourself and identify the feelings you are having towards different genders gives away the answers, still your sexuality is part of what you are, not who you are, so you do you, and take it easy
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 19th, 2019 1:55am
You can try to imagine yourself with different people of different genders in sexual and romantic contexts and be as honest with yourself as you can about how that makes you feel. You can analyze your feelings and sensations, your physical and emotional response to these fantasies will give you a clue of what your orientation is. If fantasies about two (or more!) genders feel good, you're bisexual. If you feel good only about your same gender, you're gay/lesbian (if you're male/female).
Anonymous
October 16th, 2019 9:30pm
Initially, it's completely ok to question your sexuality. The human sexuality is a broader term. If a person is attracted to different sex person then they are straight. Where as if a person is attracted to same sex they are known as gay, and for the females it is termed as lesbian. When a person is attracted to both the genders they are known as bisexual. One takes time to understand and figure out their sexual prefferences as well as to whom they are basicly attracted to. You can just ask yourself, whether you are attracted towards the same gender or towards the different gender. This process can take some, but you can open about this to your trusted people and gradually with time you will understand about yourself.
fluffyKiwi24
May 2nd, 2015 3:20pm
Remember there is no need to decide in a rush, discovering yourself is a journey. If you feel that the term gay or lesbian or bisexual fits you, then you have your answer. If you are unsure about it, that's okay, too.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2015 10:15pm
Here is a little system you can use if you want? :-) ---------------------- A = women B = men Body: A = 3/5, B = 2/5 Feelings: A = 2/5, B = 4,5/5 Add it up: A = 5 B = 6,5 Sex: A = 3,5/5, B = 4/5 Relationship: A = 3/5, B = 2/5 Add it up: A = 6,5 B = 6 ------------------ Sum it all up: A = 11,5 B = 12,5 11,5 + 12,5 = 24 Now in the end A & B in %: A = 48% (11,5 / 24 * 100) B = 52% (12,5 / 24 * 100) Out of 5 choose the numbers yourself.. 1/5 or 5/5 and every number in between - with 5/5 being 100% of course. ;-) Now put the numbers in the system and add it up in the end, it should give a better view on your attraction to both sexes: There you have it, I hope it was helpful?
WonderlandRabbit
June 19th, 2015 7:12am
If you're questioning whether you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual, youre questioning your sexuality which can only be defined by your own feelings. Who do you feel most attracted to sexually and emotionally?
QueerDeer
June 19th, 2015 5:13pm
Well, if you've felt most if all of your romantic/sexual interests towards the same sex, honey, you're homosexual. I've liked girls since kindergarten. Say, this might be a bit odd, but if you could picture yourself having sex with someone of the same sex, opposite sex, or both. You are either homo-, hetero or bisexual. However, if you couldn't care less about the gender expression of someone, you are pansexual. If you aren't interested in sex at all, you are asexual. There are several sexual orientations related to asexual, such as greysexual or demisexual. Greysexual meaning you only are interested in people (sexually) under certain conditions. Demisexual being you are only attracted to someone who you have a very strong emotional bond with. Most importantly, it is not wrong to be gay, bi, pan or lgbtqa at all. Accept yourself for who you are, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise about it. It is your lovelife that is your business.
WangSejabin
June 19th, 2015 6:17pm
If you feel repulsion for or even just disinterest in the opposite sex, you might be gay/lesbian. If kissing both boys and girls is equally exciting, you might be bisexual. It is something you figure out for yourself. No need to rush