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Am I just imagining my attraction/gender identity?

14 Answers
Last Updated: 12/26/2017 at 7:52pm
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Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
February 1st, 2015 10:04pm
Chances are, you are not. It is true, however, that gender identity and sexual orientation/attraction are very fluid and can indeed shift over time. That can be because you are just made that way, or because you are going through puberty and your hormones sometimes can lead you to feel things you will not necessarily be feeling for the rest of your life, or there may be other factors that make your orientation or identity change. Anyway, you need to know and keep in mind that you are a living being and change is therefore natural. That said, only you can answer to yourself. And only you have the right to. Try to leave out all the potential influences you might be under, if you have doubts about who you are and what you feel. Concentrate and look inside you, there lives the truth. And always remember that your feeling and emotions are valid, and so are your identity and orientation whether they stay that way forever or change over time.
February 2nd, 2015 12:13pm
It may be more of a convincing yourself than an imaginary ideal. As humans, we crave acceptance, and we will fit into a binary to be accepted. If it's something outside the societal "norm," we may feel more obligated to repress how we feel. So no, you are not imagining it. You are more than likely just trying to fit it. True self acceptance will show you who you really are.
March 11th, 2015 8:14pm
I don't think so! Sexuality and gender identity are both fluid and can be whatever you identify with. If you're attracted to someone of same gender identity, that's completely fine and not something to be worried about! As we mature, our feelings and emotions change and grow, and sometimes that means being attracted to new gender identities, and that's fine! Only you know what you identify is, and no one else.
May 17th, 2015 12:26am
Doubtful. When I first wondered about my attraction to women, I thought I was just imagining it. It wasn't until I actually experimented that I was for sure I liked women as well as men. The easiest way to find out if what you're feeling is to just experiment and see if it's just curiosity or if it's something you'd like to pursue.
June 14th, 2015 7:01am
Attraction and gender identity are all in the brain anyway, so that's kind of a moot question. It's not like they're a physical object that you can pick up and put in your backpack.
November 23rd, 2015 11:35am
I do not think that you are imagining your attraction, nor your gender identity. You are who you are, and if identifying as something else is what makes you happy, then that's all that matters.
November 24th, 2015 10:49am
Odds are you're not. You are what you identify as and if that changes over time, that's fine too. Sexuality and gender can be fluid. And if it helps at all, the binaries were invented anyway, because science needed to classify things. The criteria used to split humans into male and female, including chromosomes, rarely are all true anymore. Humans are sexually monomorphic, which means that, unlike monkeys, the only real difference between the sexes is the genitalia (including the prostate or lack thereof). Not even hormones. They have both in different proportions. Anyways. The only purpose of complementary genitalia is procreation. Ergo, gender is a myth, and sex is also almost a myth.
June 7th, 2016 1:52pm
No, I do not think so. I do not know how it is possible to imagine an attraction or gender, it's just who you are.
July 5th, 2016 1:07am
You are the expert on you. Trust yourself. There's nothing wrong or "fake" about questioning your gender. And remember that nothing is set in stone. If how you feel changes, that's okay too.
July 12th, 2016 1:41am
No you're not, Gender Dysphoria is very real and affects a lot of people. And attraction, is just as valid, you can't control who you like.
October 4th, 2016 5:26pm
I thought I liked guys only until I met a girl who made me question my sexuality. In the end it wasn´t about figuring out if I was bi or not; I realized one likes certain people for who they are, not for what they have between their legs.
June 20th, 2017 8:39am
Who you love and who you are isn't just some fantasy or your immagination. It's a material reality of how you live in this world! It's about how you perceive yourself. Even if it were just imaginary, attraction and gender are still a wonderful experience when you learn to accept them
December 19th, 2017 6:45am
Discovering one's attraction and gender identity is a roller coaster, in which we'll never know where we'll end up once the ride ends or even if the ride has an absolute ending to it. No one imagines their attraction (whether that be romantic or sexual) or their gender identity. Personally, I was always hopping from one gender identity and attraction because I never found a personal label that worked for me. One day I was heterosexual, a few months after I thought I was asexual and panromantic, then fast forward a few years later and an epiphany and reading The Invisible Orientation by Julie Sondra Decker that had a lovely chart in it for all forms of sexual and romantic orientations, came to me finally deciding and realizing that I was pansexual and panromantic (one's romantic and sexual orientations don't have to be the same). The same case applied to my gender identity too, I never put too much thought about it, but it wasn't until I watched a bunch of videos of people who shared my same philosophy and feelings towards gender that I realized who I am today. Just take your time when it comes to figuring out who you are. Let the roller coaster take you wherever you feel it needs to take you, or pull the emergency break when you feel like you've found your destination before the ride even ends. Don't worry or stress yourself over trying to figure out who you are; one day you will or maybe one day you won't care about labels and just prefer to live out your life being yourself. Whichever destination you end up, just know that it's your decision to make.
December 26th, 2017 7:52pm
No - how you feel is how you feel. Remember that you know yourself better than anyone else. No matter what anyone else tells you, the things you feel are real and valid. Only you can understand your attraction and your identity, because you're the only you there is. :)