boys give me a lot of anxiety, but i still find them attractive. girls are attractive to me but i dont notice them they way i do about boys. what the heck does all of this mean?
Last Updated: 06/10/2019 at 12:35am
Amy Justice, BS, MA, LCMHC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My passion is to help people overcome feeling "stuck" in unhealthy patterns by facilitating real, healthy changes through self-discovery and practical applications.
Top Rated Answers
Sexuality and romantic orientation are incredibly complex facets of who we are. Some people are attracted to one gender sexually and not romantically, while being attracted to another gender romantically and not sexually. Or you can be attracted to girls and boys physically but not to the same extent (I recommend having a little read about the Kinsey scale :) ). You could be mostly attracted physically to boys but also fancy some girls (some people call this heteroflexibilty and homoflexibility), or you could somehow be attracted to both physically but not in the same way. Or some people feel no sexual attraction towards any gender but do feel romantic attraction, or vice versa. (Sexual attraction is not necessarily more meaningful or real than romantic attraction). AND sometimes these feelings change through time – let's say yesterday you were attracted to boys and today you're attracted to girls – this doesn't mean that your attraction to girls is any less real than someone's who has only been only attracted to girls all their life! Basically, although some people's romantic and sexual orientation are clear cut, this isn't the case for everyone. There are so many variables! You don't have to put a label on the way you feel if none feels comfortable to you. Maybe one day it will be clearer for you, or maybe your orientation will always be tricky to put in a neat box. There are many shades of grey! But whatever they are, your feelings are real and valid! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise :)
Sexuality is confusing! I definitely empathize with you. There are a number of reasons, depending on your life experiences, that you might feel anxiety around boys. Nobody besides you can tell you what your identity is or should be; you may be bisexual with a preference for men, you might be attracted exclusively to men, or maybe your situation is something entirely different. From my personal experience, experimenting with labels (or the lack thereof) is a good way to see what feels most comfortable to you. Casual dating can also help you figure things out. Ultimately, how you define yourself is completely up to you, and there's nothing wrong with being unsure.
Your anxiety about boys may be due to past experiences, to your upbringing or many other things. But this anxiety is something you can work on and come to terms with! Your orientation is not defined by your anxiety, but rather by who attracts you. If you're attracted to both boys and girls, it's likely that you are bisexual. You don't have to be attracted 50% to boys and 50% to girls in order to be bi. You can lean more towards one gender, even in a very significant way, but if you are attracted to more than one gender, even in a light way, that would still be part of the bisexual spectrum. However, your orientation ultimately is nothing more than what you feel you are. You can choose whatever label you're more comfortable with, or no label at all, if you prefer! You're the only one who can determine for sure who you are.
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