Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Can I know my sexual orientation without having any romantic or sexual experiences?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 06/02/2020 at 7:09am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
May 31st, 2015 3:45pm
Absolutely. Sexuality is a part of you, no experience required. The only experience needed to know is experience you already have. Just like you can tell if you like apples by trying them, you can look at and be around a certain gender and know if you're attracted to it or not. You don't need to sleep with someone or be in a relationship with someone to know if you want to.
April 29th, 2015 5:46am
Yes. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with sexual experiences. If you're bi for example you do not have to have had intimate relations with a boy and a girl to know that you're attracted to both sexs. If you're attracted to them then you're attracted to them, simple as that.
April 6th, 2015 12:19pm
Change the term "orientation" to "attraction". What attract you most? If you is a teenager, believe me, you don't know yet and have no reason to accelerate this "decision". Someday you will figure it out.
July 10th, 2015 1:03am
I figure since I see romance as a boy part and a girl part no matter what (with or without dominance), I'm very unfortunately, plain flavor hetero. Even if having not been sexually attracted ever. Knowing what you find attractive on any level, is usually the bigger thing. You can also check out porn and supermodels if wanting to be super realistic and uh, practical. All the bare flesh might enlighten you to your aesthetic preferences. This is only the surface though and only works if you are either a straight (het or gay) or non-sexual. Maybe you are bi, maybe you are based in emotion, feeling, circumstance, years. Have you liked someone? What gender were they? Straight? Gay? Non? Pan? Did you like them straight away? What did you like about them particularly? Wanting to kiss, hug, spend time together isn't sexual but its attraction and telling enough. Their orientation is nothing to yours but what they appear to be - Is what you like. As for a name to your sexuality - There are plenty of resources, some of them questionable. Remember though, a label is just that. It is prone to change. You can decide you're one thing and find out you're another or a sub-type of your intended or believed type. You can figure out you're one thing then find out, depending on the person or situation, you wouldn't mind being another. It's only another question of self and like our our thoughts, we choose what we want to be and what comes into being tomorrow, may not necessary be what was of yesterday.
May 21st, 2015 10:28am
Yes, you can know your sexual orientation without having any romantic and/or sexual experiences. It's not so much about the physical attraction, to some it is to be honest, but for most people it's about getting to know someone for their personality and how they make you feel on the inside. Don't get me wrong sexual chemistry is something that may have to take place in order for you to know how you feel about someone, but that's for any sexual preference. Some people are able to connect mentally without having to have sex or a romantic encounter. After all it's not the sex that brings you closer together it's the laughs, things you have in common with one another, getting to know each other for what's in the heart and the mind.
April 5th, 2016 8:36am
Yes you can, u know urself well enough to know what and which sexual orientation you are. You have to trust yourself in the decision you make and most importantly accept urself for your decision.
May 15th, 2015 11:45am
Yes! You don't have to have sexual experiences to know who you're sexually attracted to, although sometimes it does help you realize you're not attracted to just one gender. It's hard to explain; it's just something you know in your head. You know that you'd date a certain gender and you know that under the right circumstances that you would have sex with someone of that gender.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
May 14th, 2019 4:43pm
Of course you can! Orientations are not based on personal experience. They are based on your attraction, feelings, desires. You don't need to have experimented in order to know how you feel. If you feel attracted towards one or more genders, then it is enough to identify with an orientation. Some people find that experimenting helps them understanding their sensations better, but it's not a necessary step. If you already know what your sensations and feelings are, then you are free to identify with the corresponding sexual and/or romantic orientation, and have your experiences whenever you will feel like.
October 17th, 2016 3:34am
Of course you can! For me, it was very hard because I had identified as asexual, so of course I had no romantic or sexual experiences. The best way I figured it out (though this doesn't need to apply to you) was asking myself questions like "when I was younger, did I like a girl/boy?" And things like that to help figure it out. It definitely takes a lot of trial and error
May 17th, 2015 2:46pm
I think that it is up to you. Who do you think you are? Experimenting can help aid the process, but you don't necessarily need to have experiences before knowing what your sexual orientation is.
December 21st, 2015 4:43am
Absolutely! You know you better than anyone. If you feel like you fit under a specific sexuality, even without experience, then that's it. It's what you feel, not what you've experienced.
November 28th, 2016 1:09am
Often times, yes. sexual orientation is an intimate part of someones self, that they are typically able to accept and understand without romantic/sexual experiences but this will guide them in their pursuit of these experiences in life.
August 6th, 2018 6:28am
Yes you can, sexual orientation is about sexual and romantic attraction, whether you can feel sexual or/and romantic attraction to a certain gender.
March 12th, 2019 3:18am
Sexual orientation can be a very hard thing to discover for most people. People seem to think that once you say it, that's you. The truth is, your 'label' can change as you grow more comfortable with yourself. We are discovering more and more each day about ourselves and we can learn new aspects of our sexuality that we didn't even acknowledge before. Just know that labels are not needed, as you do not need to define yourself to anyone. If you want to discover your sexuality, don't rush it. If you feel the need to label things, then you can define yourself as the Q in LGBTQ+ (queer or questioning). You may even want to look up different sexualities and what they mean. You may never experience sexual attraction, you might even be on the asexual spectrum. Whatever you may be, don't rush it, putting a label on things doesn't do a whole lot for you.
July 7th, 2015 5:51am
Yes, you can . By the way you feel about someone and the thought you have with them or just attraction, you can definitely know.
February 1st, 2016 10:48pm
Of course! Not as well as you would if you did have experience, but you can definitely still know. For more information, you should google sexual orientations and try to find what you feel suits you best.
February 16th, 2016 6:21pm
Your sexual orientation is assigned at birth. You will naturally be inclined to one or both genders without being with one and experience will only confirm what you always knew
August 30th, 2016 1:56am
Of course you can. Its how your brain is wired. Thats what love is ... a mixture of lovely chemicals in your brain. You've no choice in the matter.
January 9th, 2017 3:12pm
Of course you can. Sexual orientation is dependant on how you *feel*. You don't need experiences to back up a feeling that you have. Your sexuality is who you really are and you can know that without experiences (although it may help).
June 5th, 2017 2:51am
It is possible to know or have an inclination of your sexual orientation without having any romantic or sexual experiences. Sexuality can be fluid, and if you do have a future romantic or sexual experience that makes you question your sexual orientation, that is perfectly fine, too.
June 2nd, 2020 7:09am
You can know your sexual orientation from what you feel. Sometimes we are use to seeing sexual orientation as what culture want it to be but we also explore how we feel as well. From talking to people, I have heard that sometimes having that connection helps you. Sometimes it just a learning experience that you have to go through in life. That is a lot of doing in life is just seeing what fits and going from there. The path to finding our true self is not sitting back and letting the world come to us. It's us exploring the world and seeing what is out there.