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Does not coming out as bisexual mean that I'm ashamed of it even though I don't think I feel that way?

36 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 2:52pm
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Top Rated Answers
bubblegumForest98
September 14th, 2015 5:45am
Not necessarily! Some people find that in their current time of life (for example, if they're already in a committed relationship with someone and aren't looking for anything), it simply isn't relevant information to anyone they know whether they are bisexual. This is a healthy way to feel and does not necessarily mean that you are ashamed.
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2015 12:20am
No! Coming out is not something that can reliably used as a tool to measure how proud a person is about his sexuality. Many times, despite being very sure about your gender identity you have to keep it to yourself. Reasons can be many, from a conservative background to family and friends who just might not be ready to take you as you are. Some people simply wait because they aint yet sure about what they want or like and want to wait till they are really sure. Its completely okay if you dont want to come out now or never. Sexuality is private matter. Cheers! Have a good day!
Anonymous
February 24th, 2015 4:33am
Of course it doesn't! You should only come out if you believe it's in your best interest to do so. If you're comfortable with yourself, in the end that's all that matters.
Truthfulmusings
November 30th, 2015 2:06pm
No it doesn't. There are various factors that affect this choice- family, your society, your job, the law of the land etc. And sometimes being practical is of utmost importance. As long as you found someone to be happy with and you are happy with that person, nothing else really matters.
melodyowl130
April 3rd, 2015 4:05pm
No! It's completely okay - you do not have to come out as a bisexual in order to be valid. Whatever you say your orientation is, your orientation is.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
May 21st, 2019 11:40pm
Coming out is something extremely personal. You are totally free to decide if, when and to whom you want to come out. There's no universal rule, and there may be hundreds of reasons for your decision, all equally valid. Maybe you just don't feel ready or you don't think it's the best moment, and it doesn't mean you're ashamed of you are. And of course, you can always change your mind whenever you want, when you'll feel like coming out will benefit you more than not doing it. But your bisexual pride does not depend on coming out.
Waterbear
August 4th, 2015 1:35am
No, it could just mean you don't think it's safe and comfortable for you to come out in this place and time.
OrangeLover
December 29th, 2015 2:09pm
It doesn't. Your feelings matter, and if you aren't ashamed of it, then you aren't. Coming out is a choice, not a burden. Remember that :)
sereneWriting16
January 31st, 2017 12:21am
No, coming out is a personal choice as to when you do it, nothing and no one should force you. It doesn't mean that you are ashamed unless you feel that way, but if you don't then you are not ashamed.
ZeddMikuMCR
October 10th, 2016 12:49am
No, definitely not! You don't have to come out coming out isn't an obligation and it's definitely not something that makes you less bi, or ashamed of who you are. Just embrace who you are, regardless if you tell others or not.
Anonymous
February 5th, 2017 7:11pm
I don't feel ashamed that I recently figured out I am bisexual. But I keep this to myself because of the people I am around all the time, I would be called fag left and right. But I mean I'm glad I finally know my sexuality and the things I like :)
FrantasticTea
February 6th, 2017 5:29am
Not at all. You said it yourself, you don't think you feel that way, so that's that. When it comes to coming out and figuring out who you are, the most important aspect of it is what you think and how you have accepted yourself. You not coming out might just simply mean you are not ready yet, and that's okay.
Shelby94
May 15th, 2017 12:52am
No. It just means that you as a person are not yet ready to come out to those who hold important places in your life. This does not make you any less valid than someone who has come out already. You may never actually feel the need to come out, and that is totally okay as well; some of us feel like we shouldn't need to "come out". Whenever you come out (if you do), just make sure it's on your terms if possible, and have supports in place just in case your worst scenario outcome happens.
Anonymous
May 29th, 2017 1:52am
No it doesn't, not at all. There are lots of reasons not to come out as bi that don't involve shame. I, for example, know that my parents have a lot in their plates right now, and don't want to worry them, as well as thinking that my romantic or sexual partners and/ or interests arent anyone else's business. With me, I feel little to no reason to come out, and neither does my brother who's gay.
livewireraincoat
August 7th, 2017 8:34pm
You know how you feel, so if you're comfortable with your own sexuality, why should it matter whether or not other people know? When you feel the time is right, go ahead and tell whoever you want (e.g. friends and family), but if you don't want to you shouldn't feel that this means you're insecure within yourself. You can be confident AND closeted, providing you feel okay that way.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2017 9:44am
Not at all. You don't have to come out if you don't want to. Its no one else's business unless you feel they need to know!
FromDrewWithLove
February 26th, 2018 4:51am
Not at all! Coming out is a personal experience for some, and not everyone is rushing to come out of the closet. Being in the closet doesn't necessarily mean you're ashamed of your sexuality. It may just mean that coming out may be out of your comfort zone right now, or it doesn't feel like the right time to do it. Going at your own pace is totally normal. You don't have to come out if you don't want to, and that doesn't necessarily make you ashamed.
Anonymous
February 26th, 2018 7:02am
not in any way does it mean that you at ashamed about being bi. the only way of knowing if you are ashamed of being bi is if you personally are ashamed, which you shouldn't be
kylerj78
February 11th, 2019 12:38am
I wouldn't necessarily say that it means that you are ashamed of being bisexual. In my opinion, I think that it means that you are uncertain about being bisexual. For instance, growing up I felt like I was gay. I liked guys instead of liking girls, I actually could never picture myself with a girlfriend. The thought of it just didn't feel right. As I got a little older, me and my friend became a little more than just friends at one point and that's how I knew for sure that i was gay. Once I was sure and confident, that is when I became more comfortable coming out to my friends, and later on, my family
Courtney24683
August 10th, 2020 7:56am
Absolutely not! It is difficult to come out for many reasons. For example, a person may not come out due to knowing that it may be perceived in a negative way by those who love them. Or the person may just fear that it could be perceived negatively, when in reality they do not actually know that. Not only that, sometimes it takes the person time to understand it themselves and they may need time to process it. Coming out is something that should be done when the person feels comfortable but in no way means they are ashamed if they do not come out.
Evertonest
April 13th, 2021 3:22am
Deciding not to come out as bisexual does not necessarily mean you are ashamed of it. There may be other reasons why you do not want to come out. For example, if you are unsure how accepting your parents are of LGBTQI+ individuals like yourself, you fear that coming out to them might cause your parents to mistreat, reject, or in extreme circumstances, even disown you. If you know that your parents are not accepting of LGBTQI+ individuals, and you rely on your parents for financial support and accomodation, you may have a rational reason to not coming out to them. Perhaps you choose not to come out to your friends because although you are not ashamed of your bisexuality, you fear rejection or humiliation. Therefore, not coming out as bisexual does not necessarily mean you are ashamed of your bisexuality.
musicalSea1214
June 28th, 2021 2:52pm
I do not think it means that. We still live in a world that is not very accepting of members of the community therefore if you feel like you do not have to tell people about it in order to protect yourself then so be it. You should always prioritize what feels best and most comfortable to you and then everything else can come second. I think at the end of the day as long as you are okay with it then that is all you need to be happy. You should never allow yourself to be pressured into coming out.
Anonymous
January 30th, 2017 7:23pm
No, staying silent about personal information does not mean that you are ashamed of it. And less if you don't feel ashamed of it. That's good, because you can accept who and what you are. Others can't even accept it to themselves, but you can. And maybe that's a start
CoinFountain
January 17th, 2017 8:25pm
It doesn't mean people are ashamed if they don't come out to everyone saying "I'm straight" so why would it mean being ashamed when people don't specify at all? Usually if I'm not talking about my sexuality it's because I don't feel people have the business knowing what happens behind my bedroom door either way whether it's being straight, bi, gay, pan, lesbian, omni-sexual, asexual, etc. If asked by someone who's close family about whether or not I'm straight I feel inclined to counter that question with, "Why do you ask? Does it matter? Do you have someone in mind you'd want to set me up with?" There's also dates with someone who is trans which may bring on questions like, "Do you identify as trans also?" (regardless of what the gender or orientation the person asking happens to be) and I wonder if it comes from a standpoint of wanting to know if it's a thing in common or if they think that straight people can't be attracted to people that are trans without themselves being it. I wish for more non-binary thinkers.
Anonymous
January 17th, 2017 1:20am
Absolutely not!! The process of coming out is different for everyone, and there are lots of different factors that play into when and how it happens for any one individual. In some situations it might be unsafe for an individual to come out because of unaccepting views or laws. Sometimes someone just might not be ready. In any case, it is totally valid to be completely proud of your identity internally without sharing it externally!! You do you
Anonymous
October 4th, 2016 8:07pm
You don't have to come out. It's your personal life. You have no obligation to share it if you simply don't feel like doing it, or view it's a bad idea.
peacefultree99
July 18th, 2016 5:43pm
Not at all! If you aren't ashamed, than you aren't ashamed; no need to read into it any further. Some people never "come out", others are out and proud 24/7. It is all about what You are comfortable with!
XxXShoulderXxX
June 7th, 2016 1:22pm
Not coming out can be a sensible move, if you are living in a situation where you are not comfortable coming out the family members etc... you shouldn't feel guilty for taking your time,- Best wishes :) XxXShoulderXxX
Anonymous
March 28th, 2016 5:47pm
Of course not. Don't be ashamed- there is a huge community of people waiting to accept you. There are many other reasons people chose not to come out.
DonnieHarth
November 23rd, 2015 2:09am
No, it does not. Although, it would be healthy to come out eventually, it could be a number of things. If could be you are not, or do not think your family is prepared, it could be a sense of fear or rejection, it could be you're not too sure and don't want to falsely identify yourself until you're positive. There are many reasons, and even as feeling ashamed could be one, that does not mean it is your case.