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Does not coming out as bisexual mean that I'm ashamed of it even though I don't think I feel that way?

37 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 2:52pm
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Top Rated Answers
September 14th, 2015 5:45am
Not necessarily! Some people find that in their current time of life (for example, if they're already in a committed relationship with someone and aren't looking for anything), it simply isn't relevant information to anyone they know whether they are bisexual. This is a healthy way to feel and does not necessarily mean that you are ashamed.
December 3rd, 2015 12:20am
No! Coming out is not something that can reliably used as a tool to measure how proud a person is about his sexuality. Many times, despite being very sure about your gender identity you have to keep it to yourself. Reasons can be many, from a conservative background to family and friends who just might not be ready to take you as you are. Some people simply wait because they aint yet sure about what they want or like and want to wait till they are really sure. Its completely okay if you dont want to come out now or never. Sexuality is private matter. Cheers! Have a good day!
February 24th, 2015 4:33am
Of course it doesn't! You should only come out if you believe it's in your best interest to do so. If you're comfortable with yourself, in the end that's all that matters.
November 30th, 2015 2:06pm
No it doesn't. There are various factors that affect this choice- family, your society, your job, the law of the land etc. And sometimes being practical is of utmost importance. As long as you found someone to be happy with and you are happy with that person, nothing else really matters.
April 3rd, 2015 4:05pm
No! It's completely okay - you do not have to come out as a bisexual in order to be valid. Whatever you say your orientation is, your orientation is.
August 4th, 2015 1:35am
No, it could just mean you don't think it's safe and comfortable for you to come out in this place and time.
December 29th, 2015 2:09pm
It doesn't. Your feelings matter, and if you aren't ashamed of it, then you aren't. Coming out is a choice, not a burden. Remember that :)
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
May 21st, 2019 11:40pm
Coming out is something extremely personal. You are totally free to decide if, when and to whom you want to come out. There's no universal rule, and there may be hundreds of reasons for your decision, all equally valid. Maybe you just don't feel ready or you don't think it's the best moment, and it doesn't mean you're ashamed of you are. And of course, you can always change your mind whenever you want, when you'll feel like coming out will benefit you more than not doing it. But your bisexual pride does not depend on coming out.
February 24th, 2015 11:19am
No, that is not true at all. You don't have to come out to anyone you are not comfortable coming out to. If you are unsure of your sexual orientation, you could think about it more. Even if you are bisexual, you do not need to come out as bisexual if you are not comfortable doing that.
April 10th, 2015 5:42pm
Not necessarily. It could be because you are afraid of the reactions people may have. There are a lot of homophobes in the world, and knowing that prevents so è people from coming out. You can completely embrace it and not tell anybody. When you do decide to come out, I'd recommend bringing the topic up to your friends/family, and making sure they're okay with it, then telling them. I told my my friends first.
April 18th, 2015 10:12am
Definitely not! You can be happy with who you are without feeling the need to share it with other people, just be who you want to be and tell people what you want them to know! You don't have to tell someone if your straight so why tell them if your not, it's entirely up to you who you want to tell and why :)
April 25th, 2015 2:29am
Not necessarily. Everyone coming out journey is specific to them. Maybe circumstances are not right in their environment and they cannot safely come out, or maybe they just decided that it's not time.
July 6th, 2015 9:33pm
Everyone processes things differently. I do not think it means you are ashamed but afraid of what others will think. Fortunately, today the LGBT community has so many resources available to them
July 28th, 2015 3:53pm
No! It just means that you are not comfortable in the environment you live in to let people know about a personal part of you.
November 23rd, 2015 2:09am
No, it does not. Although, it would be healthy to come out eventually, it could be a number of things. If could be you are not, or do not think your family is prepared, it could be a sense of fear or rejection, it could be you're not too sure and don't want to falsely identify yourself until you're positive. There are many reasons, and even as feeling ashamed could be one, that does not mean it is your case.
March 28th, 2016 5:47pm
Of course not. Don't be ashamed- there is a huge community of people waiting to accept you. There are many other reasons people chose not to come out.
June 7th, 2016 1:22pm
Not coming out can be a sensible move, if you are living in a situation where you are not comfortable coming out the family members etc... you shouldn't feel guilty for taking your time,- Best wishes :) XxXShoulderXxX
July 18th, 2016 5:43pm
Not at all! If you aren't ashamed, than you aren't ashamed; no need to read into it any further. Some people never "come out", others are out and proud 24/7. It is all about what You are comfortable with!
October 4th, 2016 8:07pm
You don't have to come out. It's your personal life. You have no obligation to share it if you simply don't feel like doing it, or view it's a bad idea.
October 10th, 2016 12:49am
No, definitely not! You don't have to come out coming out isn't an obligation and it's definitely not something that makes you less bi, or ashamed of who you are. Just embrace who you are, regardless if you tell others or not.
January 17th, 2017 1:20am
Absolutely not!! The process of coming out is different for everyone, and there are lots of different factors that play into when and how it happens for any one individual. In some situations it might be unsafe for an individual to come out because of unaccepting views or laws. Sometimes someone just might not be ready. In any case, it is totally valid to be completely proud of your identity internally without sharing it externally!! You do you
January 17th, 2017 8:25pm
It doesn't mean people are ashamed if they don't come out to everyone saying "I'm straight" so why would it mean being ashamed when people don't specify at all? Usually if I'm not talking about my sexuality it's because I don't feel people have the business knowing what happens behind my bedroom door either way whether it's being straight, bi, gay, pan, lesbian, omni-sexual, asexual, etc. If asked by someone who's close family about whether or not I'm straight I feel inclined to counter that question with, "Why do you ask? Does it matter? Do you have someone in mind you'd want to set me up with?" There's also dates with someone who is trans which may bring on questions like, "Do you identify as trans also?" (regardless of what the gender or orientation the person asking happens to be) and I wonder if it comes from a standpoint of wanting to know if it's a thing in common or if they think that straight people can't be attracted to people that are trans without themselves being it. I wish for more non-binary thinkers.
January 30th, 2017 7:23pm
No, staying silent about personal information does not mean that you are ashamed of it. And less if you don't feel ashamed of it. That's good, because you can accept who and what you are. Others can't even accept it to themselves, but you can. And maybe that's a start
January 31st, 2017 12:21am
No, coming out is a personal choice as to when you do it, nothing and no one should force you. It doesn't mean that you are ashamed unless you feel that way, but if you don't then you are not ashamed.
February 5th, 2017 7:11pm
I don't feel ashamed that I recently figured out I am bisexual. But I keep this to myself because of the people I am around all the time, I would be called fag left and right. But I mean I'm glad I finally know my sexuality and the things I like :)
February 6th, 2017 5:29am
Not at all. You said it yourself, you don't think you feel that way, so that's that. When it comes to coming out and figuring out who you are, the most important aspect of it is what you think and how you have accepted yourself. You not coming out might just simply mean you are not ready yet, and that's okay.
May 15th, 2017 12:52am
No. It just means that you as a person are not yet ready to come out to those who hold important places in your life. This does not make you any less valid than someone who has come out already. You may never actually feel the need to come out, and that is totally okay as well; some of us feel like we shouldn't need to "come out". Whenever you come out (if you do), just make sure it's on your terms if possible, and have supports in place just in case your worst scenario outcome happens.
May 29th, 2017 1:52am
No it doesn't, not at all. There are lots of reasons not to come out as bi that don't involve shame. I, for example, know that my parents have a lot in their plates right now, and don't want to worry them, as well as thinking that my romantic or sexual partners and/ or interests arent anyone else's business. With me, I feel little to no reason to come out, and neither does my brother who's gay.
August 7th, 2017 8:34pm
You know how you feel, so if you're comfortable with your own sexuality, why should it matter whether or not other people know? When you feel the time is right, go ahead and tell whoever you want (e.g. friends and family), but if you don't want to you shouldn't feel that this means you're insecure within yourself. You can be confident AND closeted, providing you feel okay that way.
November 21st, 2017 9:44am
Not at all. You don't have to come out if you don't want to. Its no one else's business unless you feel they need to know!