How can I come out to my parents?
Last Updated: 08/26/2019 at 7:23pm
Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Well. first of all it is very important that you are ok with your sexual identity and sexual orientation. Once you are fine you can move on the the next level: to talk about it with other people. And your parents know you much more than you think they do. Therefore, when you go talk with them..well..they already KNOW !So you just.. say it ! Hard? Yes ! Rewarding? VERY ! ! To be yourself with the ones you love is priceless ! ! Just remember : they have their own timing. Let them work on it. And it will be all right.
You can try to explain things clearly and honestly, expressing how you feel and what it means to be who you are and how you realized what your identity was. You can reassure them that nothing changes in who you are as a person, and you can encourage them to ask you questions about things they don't understand and discuss it together. If you feel too uncomfortable, you can even consider writing a coming out letter.
Firstly if they are your parents I assume they will have an idea that you are gay/lesbian/bi but come out when you are ready and comfortable with yourself and who you are. Never tell them when you are angry or in an argument but instead find a time where you are calm and can tell them at your own pace :)
I suggest that first you should come to terms with who you are and accept yourself. Once you believe in yourself you can start to feel a bit more confident. The best way, I feel, to come out to your parents is with honesty. Do not plant evidence of your life hoping they will find it, this will only confuse them also do not become aggressive, instead be prepared to listen, as they should listen to you.. Perhaps you could have a very frank discussion about your feelings and emotions, you could also bring some literature with you to help your parents understand how your feeling and also, how they could be feeling. There are lots of orgnisations for parents of LBGTQ children where they can find help and support - as to how best help and support you. With mutual respect and trust, you and your parents can accept ech other in love/
Do it when you're most comfortable and feel safest, never come out if you feel like it would endanger yourself. Seek help if you feel in danger if you came out.
This is never an easy thing to do and I can imagine that you feel a level of anxiety regarding this situation. I am wondering if your parents have an inkling of how you are feeling. Sometimes our parents know us better then we realise
this will all come in good time for you, no one can tell you how to come out to your parents, only you can do this and you need to do whats best for you and what makes you happy
Think about what you're going to say, plan your words first and take a deep breath. If you know that your parents are verbally and/or physically abusive, then reach out to others instead: other family members, friends, teachers etc.
Unless your parents surprise you with the hand-wavy, "Oh honey, we've known for years," there's no way to make it easier. It's like taking off a bandaid: how to do it is up to your personal preference. Some people prefer to do it slowly and agonizingly and indirectly, and some people like to rip it off fast. Things will not go the way you expect them to, and words will come out of your mouth that will surprise you. Your parents' worst reaction will probably come right then, and in fact a year later they will indignantly deny ever having said what they will say right at this moment. I'm pretty sure they literally will not remember. I recommend planning out a time and having a queer friend or two available to decompress with afterwards. Anyway, it will probably be awful (unless your parents are genuinely cool with it) but the worst will be over and they will slowly get more accepting from there. Sometimes VERY slowly, but hey, old dogs new tricks. :)
Coming out to parents can be one of the hardest things you do. The trick is to just say it, but only if you're ready. Don't sit there and procrastinate, that makes you seem less confident in your sexuality, so they could say that you don't really know. If you just straight up say "Hey mom, dad, I'm gay." Or bi, or whatever you are, you'll most likely get a better reaction. Good luck!
take your time , don't rush things and if you are unsure about all of it , make sure you stay safe and maybe wait until you can fully sustain yourself
Well, you could do it a variety of ways. But I would be prepared for their reaction. They could potentially even harm you or throw you out of the house. So I would be prepared for this first. If you think they would be supportive then it's not an issue.
You have to realize that they will love you no matter what. Even if they may judge you initially, a parent's love is an assurance that they will embrace you. Coming out to the people who care about you the most is the most liberating feeling in the world.
First, find out if they're homophobic or not. If they're homophobic or its not safe to come out to them, don't. Safety is your number 1 priority. I suggest if they're homophobic to come out to them when you can live on your own. If they're not homophobic, you can come home with a lover if you're homosexual, or have anybody of the same sex. You can bring it up during a car ride or dinner. I suggest during a dinner or a movie or whenever they're in a happy place.
If you feel like they might not accept you, try to remind yourself of how much they love you and how they've helped you in the past. Try reading a pamphlet on this. Also, if you need, try talking to a trusted friend or sibling first. They might offer you some advice that a piece of paper couldn't.
It's a very scare thing to come out to parents, I understand that. I think it's mostly because of the fear that your parents will think differently of you. My suggestion is that, when you confront them, you tell them that you're still the same child that they care for.
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