How can I determine my sexuality without having had any romantic attraction yet?
Last Updated: 04/14/2020 at 7:22pm
Graham Barrone, Adip ICHP, MCBT
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Top Rated Answers
It's all about your attraction rather than your experience, so even if you haven't had romantic feelings yet, you can still try to imagine yourself with different people and see how those scenarios make you feel. Be honest with yourself and pay attention to your physical and emotional response to those fantasies, they will help you find out who you really are.
This one is difficult. There's always the possibility that you're aromantic and/or asexual, but that's not necessarily the case. There are a few possibilities available to you. You can either stick with trying to imagine different romantic scenarios with different genders and see if any of those appeal to you. You can also just be bold and ask someone out on a date just to see how it goes. I'm shy, so I'd err towards the side of imagination, but it's really up to you! Good luck!
You don't need to rush it, you can take your time and experience things when you are comfortable with it. One day you will figure it out. And if you never feel anything, that is okay too... Labels are not meant to be taken so seriously, feelings are something very particular. Self-knowledge is a path that takes the whole life until you actually figure you what you like, how you feel, and how would you like to be perceived by the world. But also remember, you don't have to prove anything to the world. You will never be seen as you are exactly, only you know yourself.
Your sexuality is about you, for you, more than it is for anybody else. You don't always have to have had any romantic attraction in your past to understand yourself. As someone of the lgbqt+ member myself, I feel like this is something most people think about. It's just a feeling, and you know. If you feel you're never going to have a romantic attraction, you could be "aromatic", or maybe you're not. It doesn't matter. Sexuality is fluid. It changes over time. It's important to not pressurise yourself to come to a conclusion about a specific 'label'. You come first. Hope this cleared your question.
Imagine what you want in a relationship. Take a moment to think about the activities and emotions you want to feel in a relationship. For me, the moment I realized I was gay was when I realized that my emotional connection to other guys was greater than the emotional connection I felt towards girls. Yes, I have many strong female friendships, however, when I thought about what I wanted from a relationship and how I wanted to be treated by a significant other is when I embraced my sexuality. The important part was not the sexual component, rather the important part was the emotional component. I felt satiated emotionally when I came into physical contact with a guy I had an emotional connection with (even just a hug from a friend). Ultiamtely the best way I found to determine my sexuality was being mindful of my emotional connections to different genders, and choosing behaviors from those emotions!
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