How can I explain to my friends that me being attracted to girls (without sounding rude or mean) doesn't necesarily mean I like them?
Last Updated: 07/20/2021 at 8:34pm
Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.
Top Rated Answers
You could explain it in terms of the opposite way around. If I am a girl and I have a boyfriend, I still have guy friends without liking them like that. So if I am a girl who has a girl friend, I can have girl friends who I do not like like that.
"just like you can be friends with boys & not want to be with them romantically, i'm interested in girls but i'm not purely focused on being with someone" might be an appropriate way.
Simply tell them that you are, simply, gay. Just like heterosexual people do not fall in love with every person of the opposite gender they see, you do not either. The important thing to explain to them is that being gay does not make you a different person, and you are the same as heterosexual people, just with different romantic tastes.
One way to do this is to take whatever your friend is attracted to as an example (let's call it 'X') and ask, "are you attracted to every single 'X' you meet?" Most likely, the answer will be "Of course not". If they aren't compulsively attracted to every single example of 'X' (whether that refers to their preferred gender, or some other vague category, like jazz musicians), then why should you be attracted to every girl you know?
Explain to them that just as they were your friends before you came out, they are still your friends. Even if you are attracted to girls, doesn't mean you are attracted to ALL girls. The same way they aren't attracted to ALL boys.
Just tell them that they're not your type, and that being attracted to women doesn't necessarily mean that you're attracted to all women- everyone has their types.
I explain to my guy friends (i am gay), that i like them as a friend, but i am not attracted to them. I tell them that just like they aren't attracted to their opposite sex friends, you aren't attracted to your same sex friends.
Explain to them that just like they are not attracted to all males you are not attracted to all females
I suppose I look at it back the same way, if you were attracted to guys would you be attracted to all your guy friends? Being interested in something doesn't mean it's an interest in a specific person that happens to match that.
"You know how you're attracted to guys, but you're not attracted to EVERY SINGLE GUY in the world? It's like that."
Just because they like boys doesn't mean they're automatically attracted to every one of those that they see.
Try saying "you like boys, and do you like every boy you see"
You could say that you love your friends platonically, but you may not want to be in a relationship with them.
Explain it to them as if you are in their shoes. Examples like "Well you're attracted to *gender*, but you don't like every one of that gender. Same for me. It's like having a type. Though you are my friend, I am not romantically attracted to you." If they have any friends of the same gender as the gender their attracted to, use them as an example.
Use a comparison that will nake it easier for them to understand. Just as they aren't attracted to every man they meet, you aren't attracted to every woman.
Give them an example from their point of view, just because they're straight (assuming they are) doesn't mean they're attracted to all people of the opposite gender
I have noticed for some time that I am attracted to girls, I can guarantee that my sexuality will not affect our friendship, me being attractive to girls doesn't mean that I physically attracted to any of you
Explain that in the same way that they're not attracted to everyone of the gender they are usually attracted to, you don't like every girl you see. This idea that you like all girls usually stems from people thinking orientation is all about sex. It may also be useful for you to explain to them that you don't want just anyone, you want a romantic partner who you can have a connection with.
You can make a comparison between your friendship with them and the friendship that you, or them, or anyone can have with boys. If straight boys and girls can be friends, why couldn't you be just friends with them? Or you could express your feelings to them in terms of seeing them like sisters.
I would explain that sexual identity is unique to every individual, like our personality. Sexuality is fluid and can't be put into a neat box. Sexual orientation is very personal and you don't have to justify who you like or don't like or why to anyone if you don't want to.
It’s difficult to predict how others may interpret or react to what you might say, but I can see how someone would be offended if you stated that you found a girl attractive but didn’t like her. It would be more diplomatic to say, “She’s attractive, but I don’t really know her,” or “I’ Not sure we have much in common,” or something along those lines.
I know it can be really annoying. If they are straight ask then whether they are attracted to every boy they see/meet.
You should start by explaining what it means to be attracted to girls. Tell them that you are upset by what they have said to you.My friends joked about the same exact thing but it was a light joke but jokes can hurt a lot and cause us to be sad.Im always here to help if you need to talk about your issues with your friends or any LGBT problems you might go through. there are lots of people in this lovely community of people willing to help you through this.Youbare not alone.I hope you know that.Thank you for contacting me today :)
When other girls assume my attraction to girls means I'm romantically attracted to every girl, including them, I ask them if they're attracted to boys with brown hair. When they say yes, I ask if that means they want to date every brown haired boy that they see. They inevitably say that of course they don't. I tell them it's the same way with my attraction to girls. Just because I have been attracted to girls, and have the potential to be romantically interested in them, doesn't mean I'm attracted to any given girl. I also say that just because I'm compatible with or like them as a friend, I wouldn't want to date them (after all, most girls don't want to date all of their male friends either).
"Just as you aren't attracted to every [person of their preferred gender] you meet, I am not attracted to every girl I meet either. I've known you for long enough that I view you more as a cousin/brother/sister/etc than a potential romantic interest. So don't worry about me being attracted to you." This lets them know that you really are just like them and the fact you feel attraction towards different people doesn't necessarily mean you experience that attraction any different than they do. It just means it's aimed at someone else. Tell them you value them but don't see them that way.
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