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How can I not lose my friends when coming out of the closet?

28 Answers
Last Updated: 01/27/2020 at 3:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
December 17th, 2014 10:09pm
You should learn about their views before coming out - are they homophobic/transophobic? And also, if someone does leave you because you came out that doesn't mean you lost a friend, that means you got rid of someone that didn't love you enough in order to support you with everything.
December 16th, 2014 3:37pm
Coming out can be a daunting task. Just remember that your true friends will always be there for you no matter who you love.
December 16th, 2014 4:42am
Just be yourself! They are your friends. Let them know that you are the same person you were yesterday and that you will be thw same person tomorrow. Stay true to yourself and stay strong!
December 24th, 2014 2:15am
Well... there is no guarantee that you won't lose friends... but if you do, they were never your friends in the first place. If they aren't ready to accept you for who you are, then ditch them. All they will do, is cause trouble. But before you come out to them, maybe you could try to drop hints here and there to see how they react to LGBTQ related subjects. For example, when I was trying to come out to my best friend, I asked her, "what would you do if one of your friends told you that he/she was gay?" and her answer was, "nothing, they should be who they wish to be... it's nothing they can control... I'll love them even more for being honest with me actually...". Also, if you guys are really close, and they know how amazing you are, it's unlikely that just because you identify as something other than "straight" will cause them to ditch you. And if you think about it, being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, gender-queer, etc. isn't a bad thing at all. It's just something that makes you, you. But whatever happens, just be aware that there are many other people out there who are LGBTQ and are willing to help you out! Also you could gain friends by coming out... so... Well, best of luck!
December 15th, 2014 11:28pm
When you come out of the closet people might not support you. That's what they do. But if your friends don't. Then they aren't true friends
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
September 30th, 2019 1:19am
When coming out, it's very important to be as open and honest as possible, and encourage people to ask their questions if they don't seem to understand you, so they'll have a chance to listen and learn, and widen their horizons if they need to. However, those who won't accept you and welcome you for who you are, are simply intolerant to the point that they don't deserve your friendship. True friends don't abandon each other because of this, and even if they were brought up in a close-minded environment, they should give you at least a chance to be listened and understood if they truly care for you!
December 15th, 2014 9:11pm
IF they are really considered friends, they will accept your sexual orientation and love you for you. After all, it wouldn't change who you are.
October 14th, 2015 7:02pm
Although there is no 100% guarantee that you won't lose your friends, you could try to find out their standing on this, and if they seem to be somewhat closed off to the idea of lgbtq I would try to see if I could open their eyes a little bit. However, if you do still end up losing them, you'll be okay, you will one day find friends who will accept you for who you are and if they can't accept you then they weren't your friends in the first place.
December 21st, 2015 7:06pm
Sexuality can be confusing and not just for the person who has discovered they're LGBTQ. Sometimes it can confuse or upset their friends too. Personally I don't think there's a way to "prevent" losing friends except being honest and hoping they're willing to look through it and accept you and if they can't, then it's their loss. Sexuality shouldn't have to define a person or who their friends are.
June 27th, 2016 11:07pm
Honestly, this is my opinion and my experiences.... Coming out is something that no matter how you try to sugar coat it, will not change the reaction (again, my personal experience). But don't do it unless you're sure you want them to know, and you should be prepared for it to go either way. I don't think you should come out until you know their stance on LGBTQ+ people and explain that you know its not our choice who we fall in love with and such. Coming out is terrifying that's true but honestly, your real friends will be there with you no matter what happens and no matter who you are. Do not try to change yourself to make someone else happy. The best person you can be is yourself. And if you ever need someone to talk to then I'm here for you. Lots of love and best wishes coming out xx
September 12th, 2016 9:08pm
If you didn't want to lose your friends, you can talk to them about your situation, telling them you are no different than you were before. I am glad you have decided to come out of the closet! Have a good day!
September 13th, 2016 10:04am
If they are true friends, they will love you for whatever choice you make in lfe. Don't hide who you really are just because you're afriad of what others might think.
September 19th, 2016 9:55am
True friends should be willing to support you. They will know that it doesn't change who you have been or your friendship. You are just sharing a new part of yourself.
November 8th, 2016 7:07pm
If you're worried about losing your friends when coming out and thinking that they are going to "disown" you then they aren't worth it. The truth is that they likely will not mind, its the 21st century. Maybe to clarify for your sense of mind ask them what they think about people liking the same sex etc, and see what their opinions are. If they are okay then that should be okay for you to come out, and if you are still scared, you may not even need to tell them. You could just keep it private. I wish you all the best, and good look if you decide to go through with it xx
December 16th, 2014 2:41am
I didn't lose any when I did! The best mindset to have is to know that your true friends will stick by your side regardless of your sexual orientation. If they leave, they aren't real friends anyway.
December 24th, 2014 2:42pm
If they are truly your friends, your sexuality shouldn't matter to them!! Just do what you think is best and even if you don't tell all of your friends together it's always great to be able to get it out
January 3rd, 2015 2:58am
If your friends are true, they will accept you whether you are gay, straight or bi. Those are merely labels. You are the same you as they have always known.
March 29th, 2015 5:06am
Don't give them the option of losing you. Don't let them push you away. Stick to those suckers like glue. It's hard to not eventually accept someone who's a relevant part of your life.
April 8th, 2015 3:45pm
Well, I would submit to you that if your sexuality is a requirement for friendship, perhaps they are not good friends to have in the first place. I wish we lived in a world where it was your friend saying how do I help my friend come out of the closet, but I suppose we are not there yet. Your friends will stay with you. Your "friends" who are not really friends will fade away, which is really not such a bad thing if you think about it.
May 23rd, 2015 3:20am
Well if your friends arent supportive they are not true friends, me being the liberal I am i'm very open-minded. If it goes against their religion thats tough, just try bringing it up an lgbt topic and see how they react. If positive tell them, if negative, maybe wait c:
May 28th, 2015 12:29am
To lose friends, those who understand can be a devastating experience... but if you loose them when trying to find yourself, then i guess they're not the friends worth keeping.
June 7th, 2015 10:34am
There's no guaranteed way. You just have to come out, and those who are truly your friends will stay with you through this milestone of self-discovery.
January 25th, 2016 8:13pm
Explain to them that you are still you in essence; all that is happening is they are learning more about you, but you are still the same person as you were before. Nothing about you has changed.
March 15th, 2016 11:34pm
I would first recommend to see if it is safe to come out. Make sure they are okay with LGBT+ people. If they are, great! If they are not, try to convince them otherwise. Tell them hypothetical situations such as "What would you say if I was *Insert identity*?" I would say start there.
December 5th, 2016 7:22pm
If they are really your friends they wouldn't care, they would like you all the same, you don't have to worry about it. And if they leave you then it's their loss.
May 15th, 2017 2:15am
When it comes to coming out to your friends and not losing them, it can be pretty difficult!! Especially as a person who is in the LGBTQIA+ community and identifies as a nonbinary who is attracted to women. What I would recommend would be to mention something about the LGBT+ community. For example, bringing up someone like Ellen Degeneres. Ask your friend what they think about her, and then bring up the LGBT+ community, and see how they respond. If they respond well, then great! Now you know what they might take you coming out well. Although, if they respond badly, then you might want to be a little more cautious with coming out to them, or not even come out at all, and that's okay! Also, if you want to make friends who you already know support the LGBT+ community, then think about joining a Pride Club, Pride Alliance, Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA), or something along the lines of showing your pride and respecting others.
June 19th, 2017 6:54pm
This depends on your friends, not you. If they are friends, true friends, then coming out is not going to affect that at all. If they are not helpful friends, they are going to have a bad impact on your emotional life, anyhow, and therefore you should find people who make you feel good about yourself. If that's your friends already, don't worry. If not - there are great people out there.
January 27th, 2020 3:26am
Hi thank you for your question. I'm so pleased for you, that you've grown to accept who you are and that you're proud. Unfortunately there's no solid way of securing your friends. The fact is; if they stay it's because they choose to stay. Those who stay are the ones who you can truly count on as being friends, ones where you feel confident that they're supporting you for being you. For those who don't support you, sadly I'd say it's a case of them managing accepting it overtime or re-considering your friendship. Make the decisions that make you happy. Stay strong and stay proud