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How do I come out to my parents?

289 Answers
Last Updated: 01/16/2022 at 1:23am
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
September 3rd, 2016 3:39pm
You could write them a letter explaining how you feel and how they could support you. If it's easier you could also send a text, if you don't like speaking in person.
September 11th, 2016 11:46am
Do it at your own pace. Start by telling them that who you like makes you happy. and that should be all that matters
September 11th, 2016 7:17pm
Talk to them about their opinions, your opinions, be honest with them and tell them how you feel. When/how you figured it out and that you love them. :) Honesty is the best way to go
September 25th, 2016 10:32am
The best way to come out to your parents would be to sit them down at a time which suits both of you. I. E not at a time where your parents are stressed or in a hurry. It may help if you judge how they feel about lgbt by asking them a harmless question about how they feel about it. Then from their answer you can judge if it would be safe to come out or not. If they are OK with it you can come out to them. If you need to talk we are here!
September 30th, 2016 1:28pm
Wait for the right time. First of all you should test the waters by dropping some hints to see thier reaction.
October 1st, 2016 8:43am
You wait for the appropriate time Make sure you can live with the decision you're making And then gave the talk with them
October 1st, 2016 8:58pm
Come out to parents when your completely ready to. Be yourself, your not changing, your sharing yourself with them, make it special or creative or basic, however you want. Do it your way :)
October 7th, 2016 6:53pm
Only come out when you feel ready and safe. You can either sit them down and tell them, or you can tell them and run out the room like I did
October 14th, 2016 2:58pm
First of all, you don't have to come out to your parents if you don't feel comfortable in doing so. If you do want to come out, do whatever feels comfortable for you. You could sit your parents down and just talk about it, or write a letter or email and tell them that way. Make sure you are prepared to answer any questions that they might have.
October 22nd, 2016 5:51am
Do it when your 100% comfortable with who you are, and do it when you feel safe. You may not know when that will be, but you need to hold on until you know when that point is. If your parents are homophobic/transphobic you might need to be able to support yourself and have somewhere else to stay in case things go very badly. But if you know your parents will be accepting, you can start the conversation with something like "Hey, there's something I need to tell you" And then, just say it.
November 3rd, 2016 8:25pm
You better think about their attitude towards whatever the reason you want to come out first. Then start giving them clues may be using a joke or telling them about some people who are in the same position as yours. After that you may come out to them depends upon their reactions.
November 16th, 2016 5:57am
Its different for everyone. Some parents are super supportive while others... not so much. It comes down to Timing, if they are supportive, and (the biggest one) YOU. When do YOU feel ready to do this, when do YOU feel is the right time? Most of this should be about you. Make sure you are ready for anything when coming out to your parents. Also, if possible, try to figure out if your parents are supportive of LGBT or not by asking about topics relating to LGBT+.
December 3rd, 2016 10:55am
Wait for the right time and the right situation. Become financially and emotionally independent, tell them, hope that they understand because if they love you, they will but yes give them time, you cant expect them to digest this big revelation in a second.
December 9th, 2016 12:01am
Always take the time to talk to yourself about how you feel about having this discussion with them. Making sure you are positive that you're ready for this is a helpful step. Getting your parents at a time when they are not doing multiple things at once, or under large amounts of stress may help in having a smoother conversation or approach. You can make it a more amusing situation/conversation if that's your kinda thing as.
December 10th, 2016 9:48pm
Firstly, if you are in any known danger such as the possibility of you being kicked out or the threat of physical harm DO NOT come out. It may be hard to keep it in but it is for your own personal well-being that you make sure you are in no danger before you tell your parents, if they are homophobic or transphobic then it is in your best interest not to do so. Next, when it comes to telling your parents, it is best to tell them face to face so that you can gauge the emotions they are expressing and if you feel uncomfortable doing it face to face then you can always write a letter expressing your feelings and give it to them!
December 18th, 2016 12:59pm
I planned on telling my parents one evening, my sister knew I was going to do it. It was terrifying, I was so anxious, not because I thought they would react badly, it was just such a personal thing. My sister eventually had to tell my parents to sit down because I had to speak to them. I was eventually just forced to say it, I kind of pushed myself into a corner because for me there was no other way to really say it.
January 1st, 2017 11:06pm
It depends for everyone. If you're in a dangerous situation or if you rely on your parents and you feel coming out will put you in danger, please avoid coming out until you know you will be safe coming out. Try sitting them down and having a discussion about it. Describe what you're going through and how you feel. They may feel angry or upset, or even invalidate you but if you give them time, the will hopefully understand.
January 18th, 2017 6:40am
I didn't come out for a long time—not until I knew I would be okay if they didn't accept me. I tested the waters for a long time by bringing up characters and people who were gay or lesbian. It wasn't until I was in college, financially independent, and had my first girlfriend that I told my dad via text message. He asked if I was sure, then took me and my girlfriend out to lunch. I waited forever to tell my mom, until one day I did it offhandedly in an email. She never mentioned it, and she called my girlfriends my "friend" for a long time. Even now, she talks about wishing she could find me a nice boy. But we just don't talk about it much, and we get along well besides that. The important thing is to put your safety first! You're never ever obligated to come out, and a loving partner will understand and respect your fears!
January 18th, 2017 9:35am
I think this is something you know best about. Are your parents open, accepting and loving in all circumstances or do they have strict beliefs and can't see beyond them? If you have accepting, loving parents, this is something you may feel comfortable talking to them about; and having lots of resources to answer their questions. Other people have to be prepared to have members of their family not accept them. In these cases, it helps to build 'family' from friends who are wholly accepting and supportive of everything you do.
January 25th, 2017 5:21am
First make sure you are coming out to them because you are ready and you want to. Coming out can be very hard, especially when you feel pressure to do so. Your top priority should be you. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable coming out to them. Your well-being is very important in the process of coming out to your parents.
January 26th, 2017 4:00pm
You talk to them, you explain who you are and what you want to be and if they don't like it or accept it then oh well, nothing you can do about it. They don't live YOUR life. One day maybe they'll accept and understand it. But, if you tell them and they already are okay with it and love you anyway then you have nothing to worry about. No matter what, they should love you anyway with the fact that you chose what you chose and you love who you love. This is your life, not theirs.
February 15th, 2017 5:05am
I would find a creative way to let them know, but if your not like that just come straight out with it they want to know you trust them
February 18th, 2017 12:27am
There are many ways to come out but it all depends on your relationship with your parents. If you feel comfortable enough to talk to them about it then go ahead, hopefully they will be understanding. Trust me, it may seem really daunting right now but it will be worth it!
February 19th, 2017 9:48am
If you want to come out to your parents, make sure that you are comfortable in your skin. Confidence within yourself is an important first step. Once you have that covered, make sure that you are prepared for any sort of reaction they may have. If you think they will react poorly enough to kick you out of your home, make sure you have a backup plan (such as going to a friend's house) in case things don't go too well. When you are ready, sit them down and tell them. Be prepared to explain things to them and be ready to have answers to any questions they may have. It is important that you keep a calm front. If your parents are homophobic and you cry at all, they may think that you are just going through a phase. You need to make sure they know it's not a phase, and you are sure. Afterwards, give them time to process things. Talking to them may be difficult, but if you talk to them about simple topics such as day to day events it may help them see that you are the same person you were before you came out.
February 25th, 2017 8:20pm
Try sitting them down, and slowly, taking deep breaths, tell them. If they react badly, give them some time to come to terms with it
March 5th, 2017 1:53pm
You have to explain your situation to them. Maybe they won't understand you right away, they will need some time to understand and accept you with your differences. But they are your parents and they care about you and love you no matter what. Even if they don't show it the way you want them to.
March 10th, 2017 4:15am
The most important thing is safety when coming out. If you are in an abusive situation with homophobic parents, it may not be the best time. You don't owe it to anyone to come out. Although hiding something that you feel like you should be proud of is difficult, it can sometimes be the safest thing to do for yourself. If you are sure you are safe, and this is something you want to do, perhaps writing a letter or simply telling your parents you have something you need to tell them is a good place to start. Best of luck -- coming out is a big step.
March 12th, 2017 10:26am
The most important thing is your safety. If you do not feel that your parents would give you a supportive environment, I think it would be best to wait until you can provide a safer environment for yourself. For many people, this means waiting until you can move out.
March 16th, 2017 11:31am
This is something lot's of people have to go. through. It's all in the way you perceive it! If you speak confidently and clear, explain to them that it doesn't change you as a person and this is who you are and they'll just have to accept it maybe it'll be easier on them with tough love.
March 24th, 2017 6:00pm
The way I came out to my parents was by creating this booklet about what I identify as and the definition of it. I included how it made me feel and information on how to respect a person who identifies with what I do. I feel like this is a good way to come out if you can't get yourself to actually say it out loud.