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How do I come out to my parents?

284 Answers
Last Updated: 11/19/2021 at 5:51am
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
April 1st, 2017 6:39pm
There is no one way to come out to your parents. Some people choose to write letters or emails, some choose to sit down together and just say it. None of the options are right or wrong, you just have to choose what makes you feel safe and most comfortable.
April 5th, 2017 12:06pm
There is no other way to come out to parents but to straight up confront them. There are many kinds of parents in the world and the common thing is the love they have for their children. Some parents may be extremely understanding but some might take time but it is always better to confront them sooner than later. Parents always understand, it might take time but they do.
April 9th, 2017 8:24am
Remember that your safety is priority! If it will be unsafe for you to come out, you don't have to. But, as long as it's safe, and you want to, go for it! Just start a conversation on the topic and go from there. Maybe start with "Have you ever thought you were anything other than straight?" Good luck!!
April 14th, 2017 5:22pm
Only come out to your parents once you have fully come out to yourself. Only come out when you accept yourself and cant be shaken by what anyone else thinks. Own it when you come out sit them down, (do it after dinner people are more accepting then) and just tell them that your attracted to the sex your attracted to. Let them know that you love them but that this is who you are.
April 15th, 2017 6:05am
Only ever come out if you're sure that you would be safe to do so. If you're positive that it's safe to come out, do so in a calm and simple manner. Sit them down and tell them your sexuality or gender, and explain it to them if needed.
April 20th, 2017 6:52am
If you're still living with your parents or relying on them for financial support, you might want to make sure your parents are accepting of LGBTQ+ people. You can do this by talking about LGBTQ+ people in the media. (Ex: did you hear that Ellen and her Portia...........) (Hey did you know that the other day, Caitlyn Jenner............) this could help you see how they might react. If you think your parents will not be accepting and you still rely on them, either refrain from coming out yet, or be sure to have a safe place to go after coming out. Your security is the #1 priority. If you have trouble facing your parents one on one or if you feel they will cut you off with questions before you've explained, a letter can be very effective. It makes sure your message gets across uninterrupted, and it gives your reader time to think of a good reply. That's what I did with my parents, and I think it stopped them from making some comments in the moment that they would've regretted later on.
April 22nd, 2017 5:48pm
Coming out is always a difficult thing, first thing; be sure you'll be safe if you're come out, if you think your parents will be angry and will reject you, maybe you wait. if you're safe, then it is great! So to tell them, the easiest way is basically to say "I'm gay" in the middle of the dinner or something like that. Sure you can have some complicated strategy to tell them but.... In my opinion just tell them like that. Good luck ♥
April 28th, 2017 9:28am
I came out just like that straight forward with no strings attached. I explained and they understood. But don't feel rushed the only one rushing you is yourself. So tell them in your own time and keep it simple.
May 23rd, 2017 9:35pm
It is entirely dependant on your relationship with them and how understanding you feel they will be. Many people come out and find their families are supportive and embrace them. It is important to remember there is no pressure to 'come out' and you can do it in your own time when you feel ready. If you think your parents would react negatively remember you are not alone and many people will be here to support you.
May 24th, 2017 12:08am
Personally, I came out by writing a letter. I'm a writer, so it was easiest for me to get everything across the way I wanted that way. But do whatever seems right for you.
June 3rd, 2017 3:55pm
Start by telling them how you are feeling right now. Tell them about how your significant other make you feel and how much they mean to you. If they're not familiar with sexuality, educate them by doing research and present your findings. If they're not ready to accept it, give them some time and space, but let them know that you're still there and cares about them, as well as how they feel about you. Understand that it might be something new to them, and don't be afraid to guide them through this.
June 16th, 2017 6:27am
Tell them "I'm ___" and make sure they know what that means. A lot of people don't know what being bi or pan or trans or ace means. You could come out using a gay joke if it makes things easier for you. Just make sure you're being clear. Take safety procautions if needed and mentally prepare for all types of reactions.
June 18th, 2017 12:16pm
It all depends on your reason(s) behind coming out to them. First, you test the waters by asking them how they feel about the LGBT+ community and only advance if you receive a positive reply. You can ask your siblings or friends who understand you,of course, to give off little hints towards your parents about how you might be anything but straight. You also need to be sure how you might take care of yourself(financially) incase they don't accept you and cut you of. Remember, this is a decision you will never be able to undo so weigh in your pros and cons before diving in. All the best :)
June 21st, 2017 5:53am
Coming out when the time is right is a good idea, if you know you are in an unsafe enviorment, or a situation where you know it's unsafe to come out it may not be a good idea.
June 30th, 2017 6:27am
This varies on your parents for a few reasons, the biggest being how accepting and open minded they are. If you already know that they do not support lgbtq+ people, then this might be a very hard thing. If you do not know their opinions on the matter, try asking them sometime, either very obviously or more discreet. If you know they at least have a fair chance of beig accepting of you, then coming out should be a little easier. Try asking to talk to them- either one at a time or both at the same time- maybe somewhere private like a bedroom. And explain who you are. Be prepared for any questions and just in case, any backlash and anger. If they are less accepting, you need to allow time for them to adjust.
June 30th, 2017 12:23pm
There is not a set way to come out, but the best thing to do is wait until you are ready. Don't force yourself to come out if you aren't comfortable with it. It's better to wait until you are ready rather than desperately throw it into the open. Trust yourself, and you'll know when the time comes.
July 1st, 2017 12:45am
Sit them down calmly and tell them straight and honestly. But it is different for all families. Not everyone has a family that will support LGBT+ so it's important to put your safety above all else
July 2nd, 2017 3:15pm
Well, consider the timing. Determine whether this is the right time. Be in a good place in your life, comfortable and confident. Be realistic and anticipate their reaction. Arm yourself with answers ahead of time. Stay calm, even if they aren't. Their approval is not required. When all of these things are considered, I recommend starting the conversation with, "can I tell you something?". That way, they know you're serious and you also can't chicken out last minute (although There is no shame in doing so). Let them know that it is not an attack on their heritage or parentage, and that you just want to continue to be loved by your family, and the fear of losing that love is strong. That your coming out doesn't be mean you don't love them, rather the opposite.
July 13th, 2017 7:32am
There's no happier feeling in life than getting to come out and be happy with who you are. All you can do is tell your parents, and if they don't accept you, then it's their loss. If they really loved you, they would accept your happiness.
July 23rd, 2017 12:24am
There is no right way to come out. Not everyone has the most supportive parents, and not everyone is ready to be open about their sexuality or gender identity with their family. It's important to realize when you are ready, safe and confident to take this very big step. Don't rush yourself, take your time.
September 10th, 2017 11:50pm
Don't make some huge scene of it; it'll make them more likely to do the same. Try to figure out their thoughts on the matter beforehand, and when the time seems right, just say those words, loud and proud. Do not apologize. If they are not accepting, give yourself all the love they are wrongly withholding from you.
September 14th, 2017 2:03pm
It will probably be best to handle it depending on your situation. Analyze your parents. I find it helps when you casually slip in the general topic into a conversation to gauge how they will react. If they are accepting and caring, as parents should be, they will accept you. In that situation, just tell them. If you feel uncomfortable then wait until you are alone and tell them.
September 16th, 2017 10:59am
There is no right way to come out to anyone. For me I was sitting with my mam and I just felt it was right to tell her so I searched up a poem on my phone and told her, with my dad I texted him a dad joke about being gay
October 15th, 2017 12:30am
Congratulations on wanting to come out to some of the most important people in a person's life! Its a huge step and it takes courage!! :) Sometimes the "how" is not as important as the "when". You want to make sure that when you come out to your parents (or anyone) that you can do so safely. Is the time appropriate in your life? Are you in a safe place? Your safety is priority number 1! If you feel you are in a safe time/place, then coming out is totally your own choice and so is how you do it! I came out to my mom casually and just told her I was a lesbian. Some people can't do that and that is okay! You can give them a song, write a note, just sit them down and explain things or whatever you feel! Don't feel pressured to come out in some spectacular gesture if that doesnt make you comfortable :)
November 10th, 2017 9:20pm
I didn't have to come out because I'm straight, but I have lots of friends who aren't and based on their experiences I'd say the best way is to just state it in a clear and forward manner, but gently too, and if that person really cares for you, it shouldn't make a difference. You're still the same person you always were.
November 11th, 2017 2:39am
Be humble; not apologetic. I cannot say that I have come out to my parents, but I have made it very clear that I don't care much for guys (I am perceived as cisgender/ heteroxesual female) and I cannot fit my gender expression or sexual orientation into a pigeonhole. It just doesn't align with who I am.
November 22nd, 2017 4:34pm
Talk about it and actually make conversation and answer their questions. Understand that they are worried about your safety and life, and however whatever you are coming out as will effect it. They will also be shocked, so don't be surprised if you have to come back to them later about it.
November 23rd, 2017 6:46am
That depends on the situation, i can help with that if you want. I’m always here to talk whenever...
November 25th, 2017 3:42am
The answer to this question is always going to depend heavily on the asker, and their parents. Some people have a lot of luck just talking to their parents, explaining themselves, and answering their questions. Sometimes all the parent wants to know is that their child is happy, and well. But it does not always go that way. Some times it's not safe for a person to come out because of their living situation. Some times no matter how much a person talks and tries to connect, the parents can't hear it. What any person does to come out to their family is not going to be helpful to any other person. Relationships come in infinite variety. You will need to modify your plan to fit your family. But absolutely know this: No matter what they say or do, you are not alone. You are worthy of love.
November 29th, 2017 3:29pm
Start out slow and start by telling close friends and trusted adults so that way you have the courage to tell people and then prepare yourself to tell your parents by writing out what your going to say and then one day get both of them together and tell them