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How do I come out to my parents?

284 Answers
Last Updated: 11/19/2021 at 5:51am
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
May 25th, 2018 2:13am
I would write down exactly what you will say to them and rehearse it. Also plan how you will respond to the different reactions you may get. You know your parents well and probably can guess how this may go. Preparation means you won’t be stuck for something to say. Plan when and where as well. Acknowledge you will feel anxious which is to be expected. Have a plan of what to do after depending on the response. You may feel like going elsewhere to have some space or you may remain at home. Also have friends to contact after.
May 30th, 2018 7:02pm
Sit them down and say you need to tell them something important and make sure there is no distractions. Tell them the truth and I’m sure they’ll listen, I promise.
June 1st, 2018 6:09am
Coming out to your parents can be a really scary thing to do, so you should be proud of yourself for thinking of stepping in that direction. First, you should make sure you have friends or family that will support you if you think your parents could react badly. Personally, I came out to my parents last month by writing a letter and leaving the house for the afternoon. This may be ideal if you don't want to have to talk in person quite yet, or again are unsure of how they'll react. Other people I know have simply just sat their parents down and explained, but I know that can be intimidating. No matter how you actually end up coming out, it's important to remember that it will likely take time for your parents to think through. Maybe also have some resources in mind if they have questions, or just think of some questions they might have in advance. Most importantly, only come out when you're ready, and you know you'll be safe doing so. Don't let anyone pressure you if you're not ready. Good luck, and we're here at 7 Cups to listen if you ever need us :)
June 6th, 2018 3:10am
coming out can definitely be a hard thing to do, especially with religious family members. sometimes, what you need most to come out is strength. you might feel scared or nervous, and that’s completely normal. first, it’s good to start off the conversation with what they think about the topic of your sexuality without telling them that it’s what you are. get their insight on it. if they seem pretty calm with the topic, take that as a chance to tell them that you were curious what they thought because that’s what you are. if they were cool with the topic of the sexuality, then they most likely will be cool with your confession. make sure to be open with their opinions. on the other hand, if your family members aren’t very accepting, it might be a better idea to just let other people you trust know, and wait until you are older to tell your family members.
June 6th, 2018 10:41pm
Don’t come out in an inviroment you don’t feel safe in, next just try to have a calm talk with them which in my opinion works best from experience. Just explain to them how you feel and hope they understand, hope this helped and good luck :)
June 8th, 2018 5:14pm
To come out to your parents, make sure you're doing it at the right time. Ensure it's a calm time, where nobody is particularly busy or occupied. Try sitting your parents down so they're comfortable; explain that its a topic that means a lot to you and that you want them to understand. Only come out when your time is right. Don't force yourself, or you might not feel okay doing so. You've got this!
June 13th, 2018 5:48pm
The best way to come out to your parents is whenever you are ready and on your own time. Make sure you feel comfortable and that you are safe in your home.
July 8th, 2018 10:36am
You can ask them for a chat then you can talk about whatever you are going to say but say it like you mean it so they understand.
July 10th, 2018 1:37pm
Take your time, don't rush into it, and if you feel as if you aren't in a safe environment to come out in, then don't!
July 13th, 2018 5:11pm
First of all, you must make sure you're in a safe and welcoming environment. Also, ensure that they are accepting of the sexuality or gender you are coming out as. Then, it's whatever way feels right. Personally, i wrote a letter because i didn't believe i was going to be able to say it to them face to face but different things work for different people. Good luck!
July 21st, 2018 7:58pm
The best way to come out to parents is usually to just tell them, don’t go crazy and do anything weird, just having a sit down conversation with your parents is usually the way to go.
July 25th, 2018 11:18am
Just tell them. As hard as it is you'll just have to come out and tell them, Theres no easy way out of this particular situation unfortunately.
July 25th, 2018 11:08pm
Congrats on wanting your parents to know on this. I do know it is very hard and scary thing to do as even parents can be against this. Communication is the best thing, but also writing a letter if you feel you can't share on this the way you want to. Be honest of how you feel on this. Share that you may feel scared of their reaction to this. Also allow some time for them to understand and take this news in. Be open to feedback. Mostly know your parents love you.
July 26th, 2018 6:12am
There's literally no set way you should do this, because every family situation is different. Try gauging how comfortable and safe you would feel if you came out, and if you need to do it when you aren't under your parent's immediate control.
July 28th, 2018 5:36pm
It depends on how your parents feel about what you will share. If you trust them, you should be able to share. I would say start with the parent you trust to handle he news best, and go from there. If you're not sure, perhaps start with another family member you can trust to be understanding, such as an Aunt or a sibling or cousin or grandparent. If you have no options outside your family and fear violence, seek you nearest community online or in your hometown to get advice and build a support network.
August 1st, 2018 12:20pm
Take your time. No hesitation. You don't have to come out, and you should do it when you are feeling 100% safe. There are many ways to come out, you should choose a way that fits you the best. :)
August 3rd, 2018 6:11pm
There isn't a right or wrong way to do it! The first thing you should remember is to make sure that it is SAFE to come out. Please don't put yourself in danger. If you are worried about their reaction, wait until you are sure enough in your identity to stand up to replies like "are you sure?" and "I don't know about this". Be prepared with information about your identity if they're confused- many people fear what they don't know, and if you're ready to help them learn about you, then it can help improve reactions. Good luck!
August 10th, 2018 3:36am
Well, I don't think there's like a right time or an easy way to do this. I guess you just have to tell them how you really feel about it, try to understand them as well, because it may take sometime for them to understand, accept it and get used to it, and also let them ask you questions (some of them might have a lot), and try to be open and answer them, because this is just them trying to understand.
August 11th, 2018 10:30pm
In my poison there is no set way to come out, its all about your personal preference. You could come out to your parent by writing them a note, sending them a text, or just talking to them about it. It can take a lot of nerve to come out, especially if you haven't come out to anyone else. My suggestion would be to have a sit down alone, and go through in your head the different ways you can think about coming out, perhaps write them down. Then go over each idea and see which one best suits you or feels more natural. Remember this is just a suggestion, so you don't have to follow what I said. How ever you come out, I wish you all the best.
August 17th, 2018 4:09am
Figure out a medium between your parents, for example what makes your parents more calm are there any areas in the house where they feel settled. Maybe an outing where everyone has fresh gear, location can often help when a stressful situation or environment is about to envelop. Be honest, speak from the heart, and sometimes having facts about yourself or what you are can help as well. Sometimes people don't understand things when they don't understand it. Hence having no knowledge about it, that can be scary for anyone. So maybe educating them on what you may be will help them understand more as well as the location.
August 17th, 2018 3:53pm
Keep in mind that it is best to come out if you know that it is, so to say, safe. If you know that your parents won't accept it for some reason and that it may generally not end too well, it may be better to stay in the closet for a little longer. If you know that their reaction will not be that bad and are just looking for a way to come out, then, relying on my experience, I highly recommend "not making it a big deal". I mean that you should probably just tell them randomly, for example, during a light conversation when the right moment occurs.
August 25th, 2018 7:32am
I think this depends on how supportive your parents are, or how safe your home is, so to speak. In my own experience, it was a pretty casual, no big deal kind of thing. I felt deep down that I was ready and comfortable to come out, no matter the consequence. Then, when my mom and I were alone, I just honestly told her I was bi. It wasn't a huge deal, and she was very supportive! But I think it depends. Also, I think it depends if you feel ready. If you feel ready and you think you're ready, I say do it when tensions aren't too high, and when you can get alone time with your parents, or parent you're closer to (like I did).
August 30th, 2018 12:51am
I came out to my mom using Ally Hill's coming out song. You definitely don't have to come out that way either, but it worked for me because I couldn't say it outloud without having a breakdown. I came out to my dad a year later and felt more comfortable telling him out loud. After that, things slowly started to get better but it was still very awkward with talking to them. It did get better afterwards, but it still is awkward. I would say come out however you feel comfortable and don't feel pressured to if you are not ready.
September 1st, 2018 10:40pm
You need to trust them to accept you. They raised you, they saw you in all of your weakest points so they’re bound to accept you for who you are. The lgbtq+ community is growing and is an everyday thing, so it won’t be too shocking. Also, if you’re close to your parents, they may already know. I know someone who was gay but afraid to come out, when they finally did, they were terrified but I could see the relieved look on their face when I said I already knew. Don’t be scared, trust them to love you for you😁
September 28th, 2018 4:13am
The first thing to remember is that no one needs to officially come out to their parents unless they want to. Many LGBT youth experience a level of pressure to out themselves to family and friends, sometimes before they are ready, in order to continue living a comfortable, authentic life. It certainly helps to go in that direction and receive validation from the outside. But accepting yourself first is equally important. Be prepared that it is possible to receive mixed reactions from few people- grow until you're strong enough to not let that stop you. As far as "how someone comes out" to their family goes, there really is no right or wrong way. It doesn't have to be an elaborate plan unless you'd like it to be. Feel out the situation, and open yourself to the ones who love you and they should meet you with support and praise.
October 21st, 2018 8:53am
Take your time with this. There is no rush to come out so make sure you wait until you feel comfortable and safe. You could sit them down or just casually tell them, whatever you are most comfortable with. The only wrong way to come out is to come out when you are not ready, or when you are in an unsafe environment. If you feel as though coming out could pose a threat to your safety, rethink whether it is the right time. And if you haven't already, maybe try coming out to low-risk people first before coming out to your parents, for example: very supportive friends, other LGBTQ+ people, people online etc. If you're very nervous about coming out to your parents, practicing may help you.
November 29th, 2018 5:55am
It’s important to realize that coming to terms with your sexuality is not an easy thing, however it gets better. Coming from experience, a bright future exists, but the most important thing is to accept yourself wholeheartedly. As far as coming out to friends and family, all you can do is stand in your truth and approach the situation with an open mind as scary as it might seem. You will experience rejection and you will experience acceptance but this is something that occurs in all aspects of life. At the end of the day, happiness is an inside job. Remember to honor yourself and respect everyone’s process involved.
December 5th, 2018 5:29pm
First of all only come out if you think it's safe. Okay if you've decided that it's safe to come out to think about your parents and what reaction you want them to have and the best place to do this. I think having a sit-down conversation with them is the best if you're going to have more of a formal discussion and get them to understand. However, it's all about you and how you feel you should do it. There are so many things that go into this such as how you want your parents to react and the family dynamic that you hold with your parents. There is not one way you should come out only do what's right for you.
January 13th, 2019 12:05pm
I've known many people that have faced similar situations. Myself being one of them. It can be a pinnacle moment in one's life. The bottling up of emotions can have negative effects on both your mental and physical health. That isn't to say that you should rush the conversation. Patience and confidence in yourself is already apparent as you've approached the idea with thought and question. Ultimately, you know your parents best and if your questioning the best way in which to approach them on this subject, then perhaps the next question might be 'when?'. Remember, what's most important is accepting yourself. We are here for you
March 27th, 2019 5:51pm
Only come out if you are sure you are in a safe position to do so. Coming out can be daunting. Pick a quiet time where your parents are in a good mood. When you tell them, be sure to let them know, especially if they are upset, that you are still the same person you always were. Be sure to include details like how long you have felt this way for, how you may have been worried they may have reacted and how long you have been aware of your orientation. This can help them understand more about the situation, whereas stating the fact only can cause confusion and questions. Speaking of questions - be ready for them. Your parents may not understand as much as you do, but as long as you are patient and honest with them, this should help them to understand. Be prepared for shock and sadness. Although this doesn't happen to all people, some parents can be upset by their kid's orientation - as unfortunate as this is. I hope coming out goes well for you, and remember you're not alone.