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How do I express my gender identity in a way that fits with other parts of myself?

11 Answers
Last Updated: 02/17/2020 at 9:01am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Caroline Middelsdorf, MSc.


I am a warm hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist. I am here to dedicate my expertises to my clients and their individual challenges, thoughts and feelings.

Top Rated Answers
January 13th, 2015 2:26am
Gender identity is unique to you! You get to make the decision on how you express your gender identity just like any part of your personality. If you want to dress a certain way, have your hair a certain way, or do certain things that you feel like do express who YOU are, then you can do it! Good luck in the journey of discovering and expressing yourself.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
October 21st, 2019 11:34pm
I'm not sure what you mean exactly, but in most cases, just following your heart and doing whatever feels good to you is the answer. There are socially constructed gender roles that tell us what we can or cannot be, so you may feel like your gender identity doesn't precisely fit one model or another. But your gender is not in contrast with any other part of yourself: whatever you like to do, however you like to express yourself, your gender identity is still valid. So you can express both your gender and other parts of you, without the one invalidating the other!
April 16th, 2015 2:38pm
Gender is something that humans came up with to make themselves happy. You don't have to fit into any gender. Do whatever makes you happy. If someone asks you about it, tell them. Maybe you can make other people understand that gender doesn't really matter. It's basically labeling people. But, if people refuse to understand that, ignore them. They're too self-centered to realized that happiness is what matters. Cut them out of your life if they wont see you as just another person. People really need to realize that things like cooking and cleaning, are NOT just for women. And building things is NOT just for men. Even having stuffed toys is NOT just for children. Happiness is what matters. Be happy with yourself.
February 26th, 2018 4:56am
Meet in the middle. Don't try to force yourself into something you're not, unless you want to try out new things. Trying new things, but keeping some of the old, is usually helpful. Try to find common ground between expression and the other parts of yourself
July 29th, 2019 1:58am
The short answer would be to express your gender identity however you want to and in whatever ways make you feel comfortable and happy in your own skin. If the way you express your identity doesn't match up with traditional ideas of the gender you identify as, that's more than okay. You're not obligated to conform to anything that doesn't fit who you want to be for the sole purpose of making other people feel more comfortable around you. If you need to, you can explain this kindly to the people you interact with, and they should respect this and you.
January 11th, 2015 7:58am
That all depends on what you're comfortable with and how you want the world to see you. Gender is essentially a man-made construct, and obviously everybody responds differently to it. Be whoever makes you feel most comfortable.
March 14th, 2015 6:04pm
It can be hard to admit to yourself and others that your gender identity does not match with the gender that you were assigned at birth and may not even exist in the eyes of a very male/female society. However, gender identity is a complex thing and exists on a spectrum. Expressing yourself can be a hard thing to do, especially as a teenager, and can alienate you from people in your society. When faced with such trying circumstances, I often think of Dr. Seuss's famous quote, "Be who you are, and say what you feel because those who mid don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." In short, don't be afraid of what others think when it gets in the way of your happiness. You can always find solace in our listeners here at 7 Cups of Tea and though it may seem impossible you will find a supportive group of friends one day. Express yourself in the way that feel most right to you.
May 13th, 2015 1:01pm
When I was confused on what gender or who I wanted to be, I totally felt the same way. I learned that it doesn't matter how you act, just do what makes you happy. As long as you aren't hurting anybody, it shouldn't matter. Have fun and do whatever you want! You are the boss of yourself.
November 9th, 2015 2:09am
Be true to yourself in any way that you can. With that being said you really have to look within yourself to see what fits your needs and wants. What are you comfortable with?
May 22nd, 2018 12:14pm
This can be difficult to navigate, especially because gender identity and expression are such personal issues! For myself, I had significant issues when I started to understand that I’m not cis and struggled to fit everything new I discovered about myself in with what I already was. First of all, I think it is important to try and let your experience come first, labels second. You are allowed to experiment and to try and see how something makes you feel. If it makes you feel good? keep it. If it doesn’t? Don’t worry about it and continue without it. Your experience and wellbeing comes first, describing it with labels second. I‘m saying this because I think expressing your gender identity and keeping a balance comes down very much to personal preference! You can try and experiment with clothing and your hair as obvious as you like, but also finding subtle ways to affirm your identity can sometimes go a long way. For example, if you‘re afab (assigned female at birth) and want to affirm your masculinity, you could wear a necklace or bracelets you associate with masculinity. Or as an amab (assigned male at birth) person trying to affirm your femininity, you could find pretty accessories to wear or put in your hair sometimes. Really, you can be as creative as you want! If you like, you can also look into differences of body language that people of different genders display. Please be careful, some of these resources tend to enforce a very binary interpretation of gender, but nonetheless it might help you to adjust your presentation according to your needs. It’s absolutely okay to take a step back sometimes and reasses how some changes you made make you feel. Keeping a balance and essentially finding yourself can be a very challenging task, but I‘m here to say that I really and honestly believe in you. You can find a way of being you that makes you comfortable and happy. Have fun!
February 17th, 2020 9:01am
express your gender the way you feel is right. don't be something you are not, listen to yourself not the others around you. do things that make you feel comfortable with your gender identity. dress a new way, get a wig, cut your hair, change your name in a game for a day. talk to people close to you about it. be strong, you've got this, you can do it, do what you feel is right for you, and not anyone else, put yourself first, nobody else. don't let others put you down for how you express yourself. you've got this, good luck finding and expressing yourself!