how do i stop being trans, it makes me so unhappy and my family hate me for it, i just feel like such a burden to everyone, i just want to know if there is anything i can do?
Last Updated: 12/21/2021 at 4:11am
Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.
Top Rated Answers
You are you. You will always be you. Whether or not you identify as trans will not change who you are at your core. And being trans doesn't make you any less worthy of affection and support. I'm sorry your family isn't accepting of you. It's their loss. The first thing I would do in your position is find support - whether in your personal life or online (the 7cups LGBTQ+/MOGII subcommunity is full of wonderful folks!) is entirely up to you and what you're comfortable with. It sounds like you need to do some "soul searching" before you move forward. A few questions you may want to consider asking yourself are: What made me realize I was trans in the first place? If that is still something that holds true, would I actually be any more happy if I pretended to be cisgender? Am I unhappy because of something within myself or is it all due to external factors (i.e. your family)? Are there people in my life who might support me? Is there any way I can start spending more time with them and less time with people who won't accept me for who I am? If you don't have anyone who you feel would support you in your personal life, you are more than welcome to join us in the LGBTQ+/MOGII subcommunity. You will be welcomed as you are with wide open arms!
As a trans person i have to tell you you can't stop being trans at all, it's just a part of yourself that you have to embrace. Try to educate your family about the topic (they may not understand, is hard for them to accept you just as it is for you) and most importantly: love yourself.
Being trans is not something that can be changed. What can change is how you deal with it. I know it's hard, with such an intolerant family. But there's nothing wrong in being a different gender than the one assigned at birth. Is there any logical reason why it would make you a bad person? Your personality doesn't change, your pronouns and your body may change, but why would it be bad? You deserve to be accepted and loved for who you are. If your family won't accept you, you can look for support elsewhere. Trusted friends, or the closest LGBT circle you can find - you can google search the one closest to you, you're sure to find support there, and other trans people can help you by sharing their experiences with you. Don't neglect your identity because of someone else's close-mindedness. Their hate defines who they are, not who you are.
Being trans is nothing you can help, no one can. If you think that your family hate you for it then you need to sit down and talk to them about it, allow all opinions to be discussed in a positive safe environment. Make sure to fully understand that it's who you are and you cannot change that, grow to understand everything together and learn that it is not a burden just apart of who you are, for example some people are naturally always smiling that is who they are. Find ways to make being trans positive because it isn't a negative thing. No matter what there will always be someone close to you willing to support you, don't worry things can only get better from this point.
You can never stop being yourself. Life can be difficult and seems harder then it should be. You are not alone in this. Do what makes you happy, and keep being you. Right now, you feel alone, I do understand. But you are strong and caring individual, and whatever you decide to do in your life. I want you to know that I am proud of you! You will get through this, these situations and negative feelings do go away. It just takes some time. Keep rocking it at life, it'll be okay. You can find happiness. I know, I'm trans.
You shouldn't stop being yourself. Being trans is a bittersweet journey. You aren't a burden for coming to terms with your real identity. Accept and grow accordingly. You shouldn't invalidate your existence due to someone else hating you for it. You aren't doing anything wrong here. Give awareness to your family about it and tell them that this is what you are. If they dont wish to cooperate, just ignore. You can't just stop being a person due to external influence. All the best in your future endeavours
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