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How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?

140 Answers
Last Updated: 10/07/2021 at 8:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
August 7th, 2016 7:23pm
You can show him pictures of you when you were little and tell him that you struggled through your childhood until you knew what your gender really is
October 5th, 2016 3:18am
Sit him down and tell him like he is a child that doesn't know anything. He will most likely have question so answer all of his questions to the best of your ability.
October 8th, 2016 6:26am
You just have to come out and tell him. It should feel un-judgmental if he truly loves/likes you. No matter what though, always feel comfortable with yourself.
October 12th, 2016 4:12am
Only you can truly answer this one. Sit him down in a safe, neutral location, in public Isle possible if you fear for your safety, and openly and honestly tell him. Answer his questions, and remember that it may come as quite shock. Remember that your safety is priority. If you feel it may be unsafe, perhaps a conversation over the phone would suffice.
November 4th, 2016 12:33am
Coming out to anyone in any form can be difficult, especially if it is to someone you care about and if you dont know how they will react. My recommendation is to sit them down and just have a very open, and frank talk with them about it, and make sure you have someone else on your side and supportive in case things go badly.
November 16th, 2016 4:01pm
How to tell something important, something serious? We often ask ourselves about it. It concerns about any important subject - sexuality, identity, relations, again relations...:) What i can say, from my experience in work with clients - the main goal is to stay sincere and honest. First of all, to yourself - to look directly on your fears and tough thoughts about it, probably to work with psychologist about any concerns in relations. We start from relations with ourselves, and after we are searching for relations outside. Be well and happy :)
November 24th, 2016 3:58pm
Know his thoughts and opinions first and only tell him when it is safe. You want to have the right timing, and I think you're the only one that can know when it's the right time. I don't know what else to say except just tell him. If you can think of a good way to ease into it, maybe do that, but also remember that if you go into it with a positive attitude, he will be more likely to respond positively, whereas if you make it sound negative or that you are embarrassed, he might be more likely to react negatively
December 22nd, 2016 12:46am
I think it has to be the right moment. Like no distractions or sharing this when both are busy. Be honest how you feel. And above all try and also be accepting to his reaction to your news. Affective communication is a must. Good luck
January 26th, 2017 3:34pm
Best thing to do is sit him down and start to speak about how you feel about your situation, ask him to listen if not to reply at first, when you're comfortable be open and honestly say it, it's the best thing to do. Don't expect everyone to be as accepting at first, but if it's who you are then don't let anything, even a relationship from holding you back.
January 27th, 2017 10:41pm
I would just tell them, explain to them how you feel about yourself and your reasoning and if they don't like that and don't want to be with you after that then don't make it that big of a deal. Sometimes you must love and accept yourself before you love and let others love you.
January 29th, 2017 6:56pm
First of all take a deep breath, you can do this. Remember that you get to choose when, were, and if you wish to tell them. No matter what your partners reaction is, you should be incredibly proud of yourself. Personally when I came out as Bi (not the same thing but still a coming out), I just literally came out at random times to random people. All that mattered was that I felt comfortable with the situation. Do what you need to do and take care of your self, and if you need more help and guidance please talk to a listener, we are here to help. :)
February 5th, 2017 10:04pm
You need to be yourself. It is really scary to come out to anyone, especially a romantic partner, but you need to trust him and just have a sit down chat to tell him how you are feeling. Maybe don't necessarily start with "I'm transgender" and say something more along the lines of "I've realized that these pronouns make me uncomfortable."
February 5th, 2017 11:28pm
Just tell him. If you trust him and he loves and respects you for who you are, he will understand.
March 30th, 2017 2:41pm
Hallo, so you want to find the right way to tell your boyfriend you are transgender and you are scared that he might not like it. That's a tough task you have but it's important to share our world with the loved ones. Maybe you could try before to write it down and read it once or twice, so it becomes a bit easier to talk to him about the way you were born.
April 5th, 2017 4:55am
You could explain to them how you feel exactly and why you are transgender. You should tell them how the relationship should go, either they would want to end things or keep things going.
April 5th, 2017 7:16pm
I'm so proud of you for being able to work this out, I know how hard it can be. It is going to be really scary, but if he really loves you, he'll love you no matter what. I think the best thing to do is find a good moment where you're both together and just come right out with it. It's going to be really hard, but no matter how he reacts, we love you.
May 5th, 2017 3:29am
You should tell him whenever YOU feel comfortable. Just explain to him as honestly and completely as you can trust that whatever response you receive you did the right thing. And as long as you can find happiness in yourself you don't need anyone else's approval of who you are.
June 9th, 2017 1:21pm
Just be honest and try to be as open and direct as possible. If he loves you for who you are, it shouldn't be any problem that you are transgender.
June 11th, 2017 2:06am
I think it's different for each relationship, but if you and your boyfriend have a very blunt, straightforward relationship, then you should just sit him down, ask for understanding and open-mindedness, and tell him. If he loves you for your heart and soul, I'm sure he'll understand. If he ditches you, then you know he wasn't the one.
June 11th, 2017 7:52pm
Maybe you should be honest and ask to talk to him and just be completely open about it. Trust him and explain to him how you feel. Just be honest
September 13th, 2017 4:00pm
Coming out to people close to you can be hard, especially when it's a significant other. However scary it may be, it's important to remember that this person cares about you! Coming out for me has been a long task, and while the build up is scary the relief I feel afterwards when I can start going by my name and pronouns around the people I care about is amazing! However, not everyone is immediately ready to come out when they realize themselves who they are. I still haven't come out to my parents, and I'm not sure if I ever will. Remember that coming out is first and foremost a personal choice, and if you aren't ready to come out you don't have to. You don't owe anybody anything, and as long as you're comfortable, your choices are what matter most!
October 28th, 2017 11:12am
Just open up, he will love you no matter what, sit him down and tell him, don’t be afraid as that’s the biggest fear to overcome. He will love you for you.
November 17th, 2017 2:56pm
There's no one answer that works for everyone. I would suggest by educating him on what transgender means, and making sure he knows being respected is important. He may not know exactly how to respond, but hopefully he'll be understanding. Accepting yourself first is key
November 19th, 2017 8:48pm
I came out as transgender to my partner about 3 years ago and I just remember sort of explaining about how I'd always sort of felt like I wasn't the gender I was assigned at birth and that I had found other people like me and I'd discovered that I finally felt like I fit in somewhere, in this online community of people who identified as trans. It wasn't an easy talk, and I think I might have led up to it for a few weeks by talking about the experiences of others (without naming anyone, just saying "my new friend...") and I think that sort of paved the way and I was able to gauge his reaction first and help him understand what it meant to be trans before I decided to tell him I was.
November 23rd, 2017 6:47am
Depends on the situation, you should come talk with me, I can help with that if you’d like,I can help
November 30th, 2017 6:11am
Start off by sitting down with him and basically explain it like you would to a child. begin to explain what it is and when you began to feel you are transgender. For more detail Miles Mckenna (Mileschronicles on youtube) explains in more depth
December 6th, 2017 7:53pm
It may sound like something you have heard many times before, but only you probably know how to tell him this... It is a really big step in your life, and you need be the one that is comfortable to tell him, right? You are you and only you know what the best thing is that YOU can do dear
December 17th, 2017 4:17am
Slowly ease into it. Drop hints here and there. See how he takes things and try to get his opinion anonymously about such things. I am sure you will get through this. All the very best!
January 13th, 2018 2:38am
Let them know you want to talk to them about something and tell them in a semi quiet place. Be confident and do not worry about anything, neither their reaction nor their actions. Your boyfriend must be in shock, so let it settle in. STAY STRONG AND PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE!!!
January 14th, 2018 7:13am
Coming out is never easy but be honest with the ones you love because honesty is the most important thing next to originality.