Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do you know if your bisexual?

299 Answers
Last Updated: 08/02/2020 at 3:48am
How do you know if your bisexual?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Danielle Johnson, MSED, Community mental Health Counseling, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Sometime situations and feelings can be so strong that we struggle to function. You are not alone! My practice is flexible and open-minded and tailored to your personal needs.

Top Rated Answers
omfgy46
November 15th, 2019 3:58pm
I remember the emotions I went through when I first looked at another boy and felt attracted to them. It was confusing, and I had no idea how I was supposed to feel. I got through it by reaching out online and listening to other people's stories. It was a huge help to know that I was not alone, and that it was OK to feel that way. When I finally worked up the nerve to act on my feelings, I had a great experience! Of course, I have had bad experiences also, but I am definitely a stronger person for not being afraid to express my emotions with others.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2019 8:43pm
If when you watch porn you tend to look at both genders in the same light and can watch separate videos of both genders get it on. I hate to be so blunt about it but this was how I discovered my sexuality as a bi woman. The thing with me is that I only connect emotionally and can be in relationships with men, but I am sexually attracted to both genders. That's where some people get confused about their sexuality. Always know that its okay to be bi, for me it took me some time to accept that fact about myself.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2019 7:43am
I’m attracted to both genders. I find both genders good looking and i’d have no problem dating either one. There’s no reason why you should be scared of coming out like i get it you’re scared but don’t be because if people really love you they’ll accept you the way you are. if you’re having any problems at home please solve them by talking it out in the good. But besides that, I’m attracted to both actual genders, female and male and im proud of it, never be embarrassed to show the real you and u mean that in so many ways.
LisaCap
December 29th, 2019 8:41pm
I knew I was bisexual when I realized I was crying over both men and women. For me, it isn't about sex. If I can connect on an emotional level, then the rest comes easy. Consider whether or not you can see yourself living with a person for the rest of your life, regardless of their sex or gender. Sexuality is as much about love as it is about sex. Feel free to simply "be" for a while. Labels can be too restrictive, so live your life freely and figure the rest out later. I hope this helps you!
bluesparkle5
January 2nd, 2020 3:08am
I think that this is something you dive deep within to find out. It's ok to take some time figuring out what sexuality you identify with the most, everyone has their own individual journey of finding this. Personally what helped me was to read up about the LGBTQIA+ community and the more I read, the less alone I felt. When I found out about Pansexuality everything just clicked for me and I knew that this is what I identified with the most. Another thing that helped me a lot was joining an LGBTQIA+ community group and having that support while I was working things out was really great!
Anonymous
February 9th, 2020 8:47pm
Being bisexual is an umbrella term for many other sexuality's such as pan.I am bisexual,and though I cannot give my own advice I recommend you research what it means to be bisexual an see what category you fall under.You should remember that nothing is wrong with being LGBT,and once you figure out what your sexual orientation is OWN IT,never be ashamed of who you are,the LGBT community is a welcoming place,and will always support you.Knowing your bisexual,is something to be proud of however,I can't answer your question because I don't believe there is any specific thing to define your sexuality.
Hedwiglovegood
February 15th, 2020 3:47am
if you can imagine yourself feeling love for both genders, if your love stories in dreams and imaginary worlds give you partners of both genders, if you felt atleast once that your heart would skip a beat for both genders, there is a high chance you are bisexual. Being sure if we are bisexual is a tough thing to make sure and find out. at the end it might require a little bit of exploring and curiosity. for me, i was mostly bicurious before i found out i am bi. be open minded and ready to check out your thoughts but you don't have to label yourself until you feel sure and comfortable with it. if you really really want to, you can take the sexuality assessment tests that are always around online but don't depend on their accuracy completely. Lastly, you are who you are comfortable with, so if you are bi...enjoy the processof finding out and if you are not, well you tried out something new!! its great to explore out of the box :)
neverendingSeal9445
February 20th, 2020 12:34am
For years I struggled with this question. I knew that I had some attraction to women but I was more attracted to men and I had only dated men. I was so afraid of stealing someones identity or belittling the experience of people who were bi. It took a friend in college telling me that I was bi for me to finally feel like I wasn't hurting anyone by claiming that label. If you are attracted to more than one gender you are probably bisexual. If you later discover that your feelings have changed or you were wrong, that is perfectly okay. Sexuality is fluid and changing and it's okay to be wrong. My biggest advice is to just identify with whatever you are most comfortable with. Be true to yourself and don't feel like whatever label you choose needs to be a life sentence.
AloofRhombus117
February 25th, 2020 4:33am
I'm not really sure how to explain this, but I know I'm bisexual because I have crushes on girls sometimes. I usually have multiple crushes at once and some are boys and some are girls. I became bisexual because a friend of mine told me she liked me and I agreed to be in a relationship with her just to see what it was like. It was my first serious relationship and my first kiss, and since then, I've been bi. I'm not sure how it happened, at first I had my girlfriend but I still only had crushes on guys, but I just kind of slowly made the transition, and I'm happy with the way I am now, although the girl and I aren't together anymore. I hope others can have more comfortable experiences on their path to being themselves.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2020 1:13pm
I guess it’s different for everybody. As a female myself, a part of me has always known I wasn’t only attracted to guys, but girls too. For me it was confirmed when I fell head over heels in love with my female best friend when I was 15. I got my heart completely broken but I learnt that I have the capacity to love another girls, and I have dated both genders since then. It’s important to note that you don’t have to know who or what you are right now, everyone takes time in figuring it out. My advice would be to not label it if you’re not sure, just like who you like, love who you love and don’t worry about labels. Just be who you are my loves
Anonymous
March 14th, 2020 7:56pm
Identity formation is a difficult time in development (a lot of it happens when we're young, but it still takes place over the course of our while life!) Sexuality is an important part of identity, and I understand how it can be difficult to ask questions that can only be answered by yourself. But consider: who am I attracted to (romantically, sexually, or both)? Take notice of who the people you find yourself attracted to (anyone from people you see in passing to celebrities). If you feel comfortable, experiment; try going on a few dates with people of all genders and assess with whom you found most enjoyable.
Livn
March 19th, 2020 2:53pm
It’s not something you’ll know right away. Being bisexual is being attracted to males and females. You should judge your sexuality by how you feel. Just be sure not to label yourself too quickly, but if you do, it’s still okay. What we identify as can change a lot through the course of our lifetime. If you have feelings for men, but also experience similar feelings for women, you might start to think you’re bi. This isn’t always the case, because after having some experience with one gender, you might decide that you aren’t into it. Basically, give yourself time. Experiment, and see what you prefer. Whatever you are, it’s completely fine to be that way, and don’t let people judge you because of it.
WildflowerHeather
April 10th, 2020 3:42pm
Coming from a bisexuaI, I learned after I saw a social media post, and realized that I was attracted to the person, and not just in a “wow I wish I was like her” way, but a crush. I thought that was really weird, because I thought I was straight, but then I thought about it, and I realized that was not the first time I was attracted to the same sex. I remember seeing a girl, and saying, “If I was gay I would kiss her” and I got really nervous around her. That should’ve been the first sign, but I don’t realize it until later. To answer your question, no matter what gender you thought you were mainly attracted to, if you find yourself attracted other genders too, even if it’s not very often, you fall somewhere on the bisexual spectrum.
Anonymous
April 11th, 2020 12:54am
Sexuality is the kind of thing that you will figure out more and more over time. Exploring your sexuality can be fun and can help you find what you’re preferences are, so if you’re comfortable with it and are safe to do so, date around and try what it feels like to be in relationships with different genders. It might take time and several relationships to figure it out, but eventually you’ll get a feel for which genders you have a preference towards. Remember, labels aren’t that important. They can sometimes help you feel more secure in you’re identity, but if you’re struggling to find one that fits, keep in mind that you don’t need to find it right away. Also remember that being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you feel the same way about different genders. A lot of bisexual people prefer more than one gender, but their attraction to each feels different. It’s also okay to like different genders, but lean towards a greater preference for one over another. Good luck, don’t try to rush it! Discovering yourself takes time.
mollyviolet12
April 18th, 2020 12:38am
i had a really long difficult time trying to figure out my sexuality. it can be hard to sort out when you've been under pressure to be straight your whole life. it was hard for me too because past the age of 11 i never was really close to anyone besides my sister. so i couldn't get to know someone enough to develop deep crushes on them. i also doubted myself very much. but i eventually figured it out. it helped to watch videos or read about how other people discovered their sexual orientation. it also helped to think about who i could see myself actually dating or being intimate with. romantic attraction can be tougher to figure out than sexual attraction. Have you ever felt a spark with someone, like you just want to be around them all the time? or seen a person of the same gender and felt a really emotional pull to them? these questions might help. if you're very confused about it, there's a pretty good chance that you aren't straight. i don't think straight people question very much, since their identity is the default. the most important thing is that you don't have to have it all figured out this instant. you don't owe anybody a label unless you want one.
richyShiny39
April 24th, 2020 8:49am
If you do not know whether or not you are bisexual then maybe you're not had the experience . The first question is why would you want to know this because if you want to know something then ask yourself do I like men or b do I like women and if you answered yes to the both of those questions I want to sleep then I believe that you could be bisexual. However this is coming from a person who has never had anyting but a heterosexual relationship so I'm just giving an opinion to the question you asked and hopefully this help.
SpoonTheory
April 26th, 2020 1:07pm
It is something that you will have to determine on your own, and it may take time and soul searching to figure that out. For me, it took some exploration before I knew for sure, but these are things that I've noticed now in hindsight: 1. I felt my heart beat really fast when other girls looked at me and smiled in a public place, in the same way that I felt fluttery when a cute boy did the same. 2. In my private time, I found myself enjoying images and videos of both boys and girls. 3. I would sometimes get jealous when my female friends would start dating someone, even though we still spent lots of time together, and especially when they talked about romantic things they were doing together. 4. In truth or dare games at sleepovers, I enjoyed kissing my female friends more than a straight person would. 5. In video games that had romance options, I found myself really enjoying the female romanceable characters, and would often play privately in my room so no one caught me doing it Only you will be able to determine this for yourself, but if this sounds like you, you might be bisexual.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2020 12:44am
Ultimately, you are the only person who can know that. It takes time to understand your sexuality, and you shouldn't rush it - I wasn't fully comfortable with identifying as bisexual for years. Introspection about your feelings in the past and thinking about how you'd feel with partners of different genders may help you. Surround yourself with accepting people, if you can, and don't come out unless you want to. It is okay to go through a couple of labels until you find one that fits, or to use no label at all. Lastly, finding a community can be very rewarding and make the acceptance process easier. Best of luck on your self-discovery journey!
Rainyday24
May 3rd, 2020 2:56am
I am bisexual, it was something that took time to fully realize. I knew that I was bisexual when I took time to understand that being straight wasn’t the only thing there there was to be. I knew the moment when I started look at both guys and girls in the same eyes, so it’s really how you want to look at it. The moment you realize that being anything like bi, gay, trans, pan, or any other orientation there is in this world, is something you have to decide is what you are, no one else can tell you who you can love. Love is love, don’t hide away from it.
graceful0417
May 14th, 2020 7:52pm
Well, unfortunately, there is no test you can take to confirm whether or not you are bisexual. If you are bisexual, then you are someone who is attracted to more than one gender. It may take you some time to properly identify your sexual orientation, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! There is no wrong sexual orientation. Bisexual or not, you are amazing. Talking to someone you trust, someone who is going through the same thing as you, or has gone through it in the past, can help you to figure out how you identify. This is about you, nobody else (:
Aidisnotapotato
May 16th, 2020 2:43am
Many people across the world have questioned their sexuality at one point or another. With nothing to compare your experience to, finding the right label can be frustrating and tiresome. For some, it can take years. The most commonly identified with sexualities are heterosexual (attraction to the opposite sex), homosexual (attraction to the same sex), asexual (no sexual attraction), and bisexual (attraction to both sexes). It is essential while questioning to make the distinction between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Sexuality is based around who you would want to have intimate relations with. Orientation focuses on sexuality, but also who you would just feel comfortable dating. You can be asexual and biromantic, for example. You wouldn't feel sexual attraction to anyone but could see yourself dating someone of any gender. Knowing if you're bisexual can be tricky, but here are some questions to help. Would you feel comfortable kissing or participating in intimate behavior with someone of the same gender? What about a different gender? If you answered yes to both, you might be bisexual. If you answered no to one, you might be heterosexual or homosexual. If you said no to both, you might be asexual. Ask yourself the same questions, but this time with dating, or holding hands. Perhaps getting married? This will help you determine romantic attraction.
Anonymous
May 17th, 2020 8:37pm
You have an attraction to men and women and want to act upon it. It is something you do more than once and you would or are pursuing a relationship with men or women. It is completely natural and more common than it appears. There are all sorts of support groups and people to talk to including us here at 7 cups. We are here to talk about challenges, struggles or we are here to just listen and support. The best I can say is that for someone to answer this question they have to do a lot of reflection and might have to ask tough questions of themselves. But we are here to help.
Anonymous
May 24th, 2020 10:23am
It's okay to be confused. There is no absolute method of knowing. It's more about what feels right... If you feel like you're sexually attracted to two or more genders, you could be bisexual. You don't have to put a label on what you feel yet, take some time to reflect and think about it. You might be bisexual if you always felt attracted to the same gender the same way you felt attracted to the opposite. Or if you feel like the label "straight" doesn't describe you. Or if you have fantasised about/ imagined sexual encounters with both genders (or more than two genders). Regardless of what you identify as, you are valid :)
Frostedflake
June 21st, 2020 3:19pm
Bisexual means being attracted to more than one gender. If that's how you're feeling, you might be bisexual, and that's totally cool! The important thing to remember is that there's nothing wrong with any sexual orientation. For some people, their sexual orientation might stay the same throughout their life.No matter what, there’s nothing wrong with changing the labels you use to describe your own sexual orientation during your lifetime. Talking with someone you trust, someone who’s going through the same thing as you, or has gone through it in the past, can really help you in figuring out how you identify.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2020 6:43pm
Only you can answer that. But if you have an attraction to males and females then you could be bisexual. You could even prefer one over the other and still be bisexual. You can be married and be bisexual. If you feel attracted to males and females you may want to evaluate yourself and try to learn more about yourself. You may want to be called bi-curious at first to try to find where you fix. But know matter what be true to yourself. Asking questions is normal and love is love. Remember there is nothing wrong with being bisexual.
DaffyDillFlowers
July 12th, 2020 10:22pm
Thank's for reaching out to the community for answers! I wish you the best of luck in your personal journey. As a bisexual myself, I know its a difficult question. Questioning your sexuality is often scary, just know that you have a community (us!) prepared to listen to you every step of the way! Bisexuality is, definitively, simply being attracted to two or more genders. That may be a complex question definition to place yourself into. In my own personal experience, I asked myself whether I would be happy (independently of societal influence) in a sexual relationship with a person of my own gender identity or any other. Spend some time reading bisexual literature ('The Bisexual Guide to the Universe' by Nicole Kristal and Mike Szymanski helped me out a lot) and listening to youtube videos about other people's experience. 7 Cups was a great start! I also want to note that there are many micro-labels (bisexual vs biromantic) and similar identities (pansexual vs bisexual). Don't feel afraid to mess around and figure out which best fits you! There's no shame in learning more about yourself as you develop. Good luck! If you (or anyone reading) has any questions, feel free to message me and I'd love to help however possible.
Anonymous
July 25th, 2020 12:40am
I, a bisexual know how this feels. Finding out if you are bisexual can be sometimes tough. Some people find out about being bisexual by falling in love with a person the same gender as them. Some find out by the want to kiss a person the same gender as them. it can be hard to know, as sometimes neither of these happen and you simply don't feel heterosexual. But, just remember, you know yourself best. If you believe you may be bisexual, then you may just be. I am not one to give advice, but it is also possible that you have always deep down knew or predicted that you weren't completely straight.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2020 1:27am
for me, it was a pretty long process of slowly realizing that my feelings for girls were not always platonic. what really helped was when one of my friends came out and i was able to basically just discuss it with her, and i did a lot of research about various queer identities. i think, at the end of the day it's just looking up stuff and thinking about your feelings and figuring out stuff for yourself. questioning is the first step, and then you just have to give it thought, talking to people who identify as bisexual can definitely help
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2020 3:48am
Begin by accepting that attraction is very fluid. There is no litmus test for bisexuality. The most general definition is that if you are sexually attracted to two genders (since most people think of binaries, we'll go with men and women) you may fit that sexual identity. It is up to you if you want to further explore and act on that identity through sexual activity or romantic attraction. Not everyone who identifies as bisexual has had a sexual encounter of the same-sex, but their attraction is still valid and does not erase then sexual identity. The best thing about fluidity is that if you actually find in time that you recognize attractiveness in a gender, but are not sexually attracted to them, no harm done. You just now have more experiences that inform you of who you are.