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How do you understand if you're gay or bisexual?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 08/03/2021 at 11:50am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Danielle Gonzales, PsyD


Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!

Top Rated Answers
February 16th, 2015 4:36pm
Having gone through this myself I can attest to the difficulty of the journey. Throughout high school I openly identified as bi-sexual although I generally preferred women to men. As a young adult, I was in a relationship that suffered because I believed I was gay. I came out to my entire family just before I married my husband. You can imagine the confusion! That said, I think it is important to understand that human sexuality is not fixed and that it can change or evolve along with you in life. I think sexuality is a lot more fluid and less black and white than people are willing to admit. The best way to navigate this is simply by dating. Building those interpersonal relationships will help you determine whether you're having your needs met and by whom. Above all, be gentle with yourself. Sometimes finding yourself is a long winding road. You deserve to be happy.
August 3rd, 2015 9:12am
It's hard. Really hard, at least for me. It all culminated with me realizing that I just wasn't interested in the opposite gender, or at least was more in interested in my same gender. I always knew it was a bit weird I wasn't into girls, or did the other things that guys usually did in relation to girls. During my teenage years, I realized that maybe I was gay and fell into a deep hole. I climbed out of it, and it was deifnitely for the better. I still find it hard to understand who I am or why I'm me, but I think I will eventually.
May 15th, 2015 8:46pm
I think that many times, people expect this to be a much more straightforward thing than it is. Sexuality is very fluid and varied in some people, and more straightforward in others. I know people have discovered that they are gay, bisexual, asexual, etc. through experimenting with their sexuality, or just through thinking about it and discovering themselves. I find that asking yourself questions about whether or not you would want to do something sexual with someone of a certain gender, or whether or not you can see yourself in a relationship with a member of a certain gender can help. Overall, it takes time for some people and it's okay to identify as one sexuality for a while and later realize that that label doesn't fit you anymore.
December 8th, 2015 9:53pm
I think that this topic seems very simple, I mean you either are or you aren't but when I actually went through I realised that it is not simple at all. It took me over four years to find out that I wasn't actually bisexual but that I was a lesbian. It is a very difficult process and I will admit is a very confusing time. If only we could be born with a piece of paper saying gay or straight or transgender on it because then we wouldn't have to figure it out. Things happen in your life which will make you question your sexuality. It's a path, you don't know how to get there or either where you are going but throughout the journey you will find sign posts and different things that will give you hints and help you understand. This is the only way I can really describe it. It's a journey. Hope this helped and I wish you luck on your journey.
December 2nd, 2015 2:17am
You understand when you are gay when you realize that you find the person from the same sex as you attractive. You would understand that you are bisexual when you find that you are attracted to the person from the opposite/same sex as you are.
December 11th, 2015 12:35am
Well I would say think of the people you feel romantically attracted to. Are they the same sex as you? The opposite sex of you? Or is it both genders/other genders as well? Also I would like to add that there is more than just heterosexual, bisexual and gay. There is also pansexual, demisexual, omnisexual, etc...
January 4th, 2016 12:23am
You are gay if youre only attracted to the same sex. You are bisexual if you are attracted to the opposite and to the same sex.
February 29th, 2016 11:33pm
Gay is sexual.physical attraction to the same gender. Bisexuality is attraction to both standard genders,
June 21st, 2016 2:28pm
Being bisexual means you find both genders attractive. Experiment, try new things. Trust me on this one.
September 5th, 2016 7:57pm
Sometimes it could be really confusing to understand yourself when you have same sex crush. But the biggest difference between bisexual and gay is that bi people finds both genders (male and female) attractive as gay finds interest only in same sex. So take your time and think if you have ever been into opposite sex or all your crushes was same sex. If yes, then it probably means you are gay but you will never know for sure, maybe one day you will find someone from opposite sex attractive. That's why it's so amazing, you never know what is waiting you in your life :)
February 20th, 2017 2:05am
It's really hard to understand stuff like this, I didn't figure it out until 5 years after I was questioning. Basically, the best thing is to just let it take its course. Date people you love, and maybe you'll find out that you like men and women, or just women, or just men. It's not something that's easy, but it's part of who you are.
June 27th, 2017 2:54am
It can take some time. Don't rush it. Don't listen to what people tell you about YOUR sexuality. It is about you not them. Evaluate what you like about each gender.
April 24th, 2018 6:20am
Do you feel attraction to the same gender and/or could imagine to have a relationship with them? Think about those things. I found out through a lot of procrastinating.
June 2nd, 2018 11:34am
It can be very confusing to understand yourself when you have a crush of the same sex. The difference between bisexual and gay is that bisexual people find both genders attractive, whereas, someone who is gay, they are attractive to one gender. Make sure that you take your time and think about if you are attracted to both sexes or the same sex.
July 13th, 2020 8:31am
There are many ways to tell if you think you're gay or bisexual. If the question is about distinguishing between the two, I would think about how happy you'd be seeing yourself with a future involving different genders, seeing if one would make you happier or more comfortable, and sometimes that helps to clear the air. To determine if you are gay or not, I would give similar advice, but don't rush things. Sexuality (and gender) are both fluid. Some people like labels and others don't, but changing the label you use as you continue to grow older shouldn't be something that stresses you out, if anything, you are just becoming more authentic.
August 3rd, 2021 11:50am
Hi! i am bisexual and the process of discovering myself was not at all easy. It was very frustating at first and even now i can't say i am not confused. I have always liked boys but recently i found out that i like [ and have liked] girls too. At first, when i read the word bisexuality, it seemed foreign to me. But then, one day, I realised that i like a girl and it was not easy then. I spent hours convincing myself about this and that, trying to figure out myself. One thing i learned was that, never try to define to act accordingly. Feel what you feel. If you like boys, cool, girls- also cool and both, cool. Just be yourself.