How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?
Last Updated: 11/30/2021 at 8:37am
Penny Dahlen, Ed.D., LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I am committed to helping you find your passion, heal old wounds, and flow smoother in all aspects of your life path! I use a compassionate listening approach.
Top Rated Answers
Just love and accept your friends preference, True friends accept and love each other no matter what. You may tell what you feel but you have to be ready for how he/she will feel about you.
Tell them how you really feel so you both can work to get past it and understand that it is better to have them in your life at all if not in a sexual way
I'm actually in this situation right now. I've been in love with my best friend of six years for three, and I'm still figuring out how to deal with it. I encourage you to let him/her know about it, even though I'm to scared to do so. It'll help, really. If he/she is really your friend, he/she will accept you, and consider your feelings. You say that he/she is straight, but even so, nobody knows him/her better than him/herself. Who knows, maybe he/she is trying to figure him/herself out? I don't want to give you false hope, but it's possible that there is still a chance of him/her being able to return your affection.
Don't tell them right at first... Give them an example of how you feel with two completely different people... See how they respond to your imaginary situation, and take it from there.
I love this question! Sexuality isn't so strict, however, I appreciate the concern. I have had personal experience being on the other side of this, being the "straight" friend. Two years ago, I married my gay best friend after being together for 10 years. I know not every story turns out like ours but if he would have never told me, then we would have never started a relationship. There's no way to know how your best friend will react, but as your best friend at the least they should respect your feelings and have a dialogue with you about what to do next. It's not worth spending years in love with this person you have no chance with when you can move on and meet someone else. It's also not worth spending years keeping a secret when you could be spending that time together. It's not easy but it's worth being honest with your best friend, so together you can go forward as friends or more. You're not the only person to have been in this situation and whichever way it goes you will have support her on 7cups.
Best friends are people who you love and sometimes, that love can change. Stay calm and do what you think is right.
This can be a very difficult situation because it seems as though you are stuck in a hopeless love. There are different ways to deal with this, and it just depends on what you think is right for you. You could tell your friend that you like them and say that even though they are straight you still want to be good friends (although if you do this, just make sure you are prepared for their reaction - it could be very good, it could be very bad). You could also try to meet up with some other people so you don't always feel like you are hopelessly in love with somebody you will never be with. Or you could always just settle for being friends and ride it out. What you do is up to you, just go through the pros and cons for all of your options and decide which one you think will work best :)
I suggest you tell them and let the weight of it fall off your shoulders. It helps with moving on as well, unless you're worried about "ruining" your friendship. Make sure that the other person would seem chill towards the situation and go for it. The sooner you can let it out the sooner you can move on, and you'll feel so much better afterwards. If you feel like you will need some time off from them in order to move on, then do so. It's hard, it sucks, but reality is that they won't feel the same way (assuming they're straight for sure). Should you choose to stay with them after you tell them, make sure you let them know (if they exist) of the certain things they do that make you feel things towards them (something silly like if they get too close, or teasingly flirt because they believe you won't go any further than that) and set some boundaries if needs be. Whatever the case, if they're truly your best friend, they should understand and support you in all cases. Otherwise the friendship itself was probably not that strong in the first place, and you're better off without them. Good luck.
If you are sure that they are straight and there's no chance of romantic love, it all depends on how you feel about your friend. If you think it would be better for you to distance yourself for while as you try to move on, you can do it. If you tell your friend you need some time for yourself, I'm sure they'll respect your choice and let you do what's best for you - after, friends only want to see us happy! You could also decide to tell your friend about these feelings, if keeping them for yourself feels to hard. If your friendship is deep and true, I'm sure it won't break because of this, and you can work together on finding a balance that feels good for both.
This happened to me, I just realised that if she was really my friend then she wouldn't care, which she didnt. It was upsetting as I knew my love for her wouldn't go anywhere but over time I learnt to use that love in a friendly kind of way. Hope this helps x
That's hard because it happened to me before. Our friendship ended when I told her. But everybody is different. I'd say be honest and tell them how you feel.
Ask yourself: wouldn’t this relatioships break my whole entire friendship? Write me, I’ll try to help you)
Oh wow. Let me begin my saying that it is not a rollercoaster I ever want to ride again. I love my friends, I really do. And sometimes that love tends to wander into other forms of love. I did fall in love with my best and straight friend. And I did tell him. I already knew how it was going to turn out, but telling him was necessary. It brought up what I was feeling and what he felt about it and we were able to talk about it. When it comes to topics like theses, communication is always the most important thing. I am still in love with him, but I also know that nothing will come of it. It took a while for me to accept that, but now that I have, there isn't anything awkward between us. He still is and will always be my best friend.
Having been in this situation before, I can say that it’s not an easy place to be. Often times we feel safest with our closest friends and strong bonds begin to form. These feelings can often times be misconstrued, but In the event they are real for you, it’s important to decide one of two things: either express your feelings in hopes of getting them off your chest or allow enough time and space for these emotions to fade. There is no right answer and every situation is different but know that this person Loves you for exactly who you are. It may take time for this person to give you an answer that often times it’s important to express such feelings.
Rejection can be really hard (even if it's not really said), if you feel like it's hurting you too much you can try and explain it to your best friend and take some time for yourself...
It is always a tricky situation. But you must be true to your heart. The worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings and let them eat away at you. You don't have to speak to your straight friend, directly, but you should speak to someone. A problem shared is a problem halved.
This is a tough situation. I have encountered in once while taking a college class. I liked this girl alot, and my "gaydar" kind of starting pinging. However, she was not gay. I did put it out there that I was attracted to her, because I was just going out on a whim. I think that it's ultimately your decision and each situation is completely different. If you are trying to come to a conclusion on whether or not you will disclose your attraction, I would say that you should evaluate your relationship. Do you think it will make things awkward, or will you be able to be open and move on?
I’m in the same situation currently, but I’m slowly learning to cope with it. It’s hard, it hurts, but eventually the pain and hurt get easier.
Well its easier for you to cope with the feelings by actually talking to them about it. If they're your best friend, they will support and love you (as a friend) despite your feelings for them.
Falling for your best friend is certainty tough. Unfortunately if your friend is straight there is nothing you can do. You need to ask yourself what is important to you. The situation is different for everyone. You need to take time to work out how much you value your friendship with this person, and how much the feelings are negatively impacting your life/harming you. Moving on is the only thing you can do if they are straight. It is hard but you will manage. You need to evaluate what would be best for you. You may need to cut the person of or just slightly distance yourself. Just make sure you keep track of your emotional wellbeing. Often the best thing you can do is remain friends but set yourself boundaries that stop you from ending up in situations that can hurt you. In the end only time will help you deal with these feelings. Goodluck
I’ve actually been through this and I knew she wouldn’t like me but I told her anyways just to get it off my chest. It was awkward for a while but that’ll go away. We’re still best friends and we even joke about it to this day. But what worked for me may not work for you. I say asses the situation and think about your options and do what’s best for you. Make sure you’ll be safe and make sure what you do will make you happy and feel better. Try talking it out with yourself before anything else.
This is probably one of the hardest parts about being part of the LGBTQ+ community and single. Falling in love with someone who is as straight as an arrow. What I'd recommend (since this is what I did) is tell them about your feelings. You will most likely be rejected, but it doesn't mean this is the last person you'll ever love. There are many fish in the sea. You just need to find the right one. You will. I promise. It will be a hard journey, and will probably be depressing as you get over the straight crush, but you will get over them... eventually.
Be honest, they might be less straight than you think, they were just more nervous than you. I opened that can with one friend & it turned out he wasn't as straight as he said. At my party senior year a straight friend and I were drunk and it turned out we were both at least a little bi-curious. Won't go into it, though while it didn't last and it was part love part lust, it was a positive and pleasant experience while it lasted. So sure you can delve deeper into someone if you think you love them.
Feelings can be difficult, especially when they are not reciprocated. If you are sure there is no chance you could be together, the best thing you can do for both you and your friend is to move on. If you need distance from this person to do that, then you should take it. If your friend cares about you they'll understand.
This is a hard one. But, it’s impossible to stop falling in love with people, but just tell them how you feel. You never know what they might say.
I know how you feel. Trust me when I say you should tell them. If you don't you will always wonder if you two had a chance. For all you know they may feel the same. Don't feel bad if they don't feel the same. At least you where honest. Maybe you two can move past it.
I have been in this situation a few times and the best ways that I found to deal with it were to end the friendship depending on how strong your feelings are or to just ride it out until you learn to cope with it. I generally went with the second option because I always valued the friendships.
I can totally relate because I am the same. I didnt tell them though because i didn’t want to ruin the relationship.
If so, I’d evaluate what sort of impact dating would have on his life. His family could be VERY aggressive towards him. His family could isolate him. His family could kick him out. You’d have to establish that if dating him would be worth it, despite the risks. If it’s not worth the risk for him, just be mutual snuggle buddies and then some If you are snuggling together, my suspicion is that your friend might not be so “straight.” Straight men don’t snuggle with other men. Maybe you should have an honest discussion. Maybe he is trying to tell you that he’s open to something other than friendship. But please, talk before you do anything physical. If he’s ambivalent, you don’t want to traumatize him. Tell him you’re just wanting to know the boundaries of your relationship and if he’d prefer you to put your feelings aside. I think it’s important to talk about it so that he is able to explore his feelings, otherwise you risk harming the friendship. Good luck!
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. You can't force someone's sexual or romantic orientation, so if your friend is straight it won't go anywhere. If you think your friendship is a solid one, and you trust that friend with this sort of thing, you could let them know about your feelings for them. If you think it would be easier on your friendship, however, it might be better to keep this to yourself. It can be helpful to talk it out with a neutral friend instead. Good luck (I know it can be hard, but you'll fall for a non-straight person eventually).
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