How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?
Last Updated: 11/30/2021 at 8:37am
Penny Dahlen, Ed.D., LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I am committed to helping you find your passion, heal old wounds, and flow smoother in all aspects of your life path! I use a compassionate listening approach.
Top Rated Answers
Well, this is a tough one. Been there, done that. I think it depends on how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. If your friend is supportive, it might feel good to get your secret off your chest and simply be honest with them. Who knows? They could be questioning their sexuality. Sometimes a person in this situation will later realize that their friend was bisexual. It never hurts to ask. A safer strategy is to find out how your best friend feels about the LGBTQ community. Next, come out to them if you feel safe and comfortable doing so. Finally, if that reaction is positive, you could ask them if they have ever had feelings for the same gender, to flush out whether they could also possibly have a crush on you. I hope this helps.
I can totally relate right now. I'm like in the same exact position. But what hurts the most for me is that he is already in a relationship. But tbh I don't like his girlfriend and it's not just because I like him. She's really not serious about him but anyways getting back to the point, I would strongly advice you to tell him. Not just straight out go and drop the bomb. But start casually and tell him . It's for the best. You'll never know. Maybe he even reciprocates your feelings? Maybe you're even in for a heartbreak. But anyhow, regret i something that you'd ever experience. You'll never think of the what if's and you'll at least have an answer. In fact I'm going to do this too. I know I would regret it, him being my first crush and all. Let me know how it goes. -Nikki
Talk to them about it. They may be closeted and it's always best to be able to talk to your best friend, they're there to talk. They care about you.
Its perfectly okay for you to feel this way, just as if you were straight and had a crush on your best friend of the opposite sex. Just understand the boundaries with your friend.
If you are in the situation, it's best to be upfront with them and tell them, just be careful when doing this though as it can backfire for some people. Also, if you can, do something to distract yourself or be away from the your friend until the crush feeling subsides
It is hard, but try and talk about it with your friend. Most of the time you really just have to get over them. This may take a lot of time
Distract yourself by looking for relationships with others- don't dwell on it and try finding someone else to fulfil your needs.
I have somewhat experienced this, and I can only say that you should do what feels best for you. In certain cases it could be a great opportunity to grow as a person. But, try to talk to someone about it and manage to find distractions, because you must understand that a romantic relationship with this person is not going to last or perhaps not even have a happy ending (if it would even exist at all)
The best thing might be being honest with them. Make sure it’s clear that you don’t plan on acting on your feelings (if you’re sure they don’t reciprocate them), but communication is key in any relationship.
Love is such a big thing that can be over a big spectrum. Whether this is romantically or just loving a friend or a sibling. Therefore is this love for your best friend definitely romantic or is it a mixture of friendship and possible lust for their love of yourself? If it's hurting you then take some time out to think about your feelings. Think about if you're feelings are making you feel bad or you're struggling. If you are maybe you should decide how to possibly get over them or just work your way through them. However, if it is affecting how you are around them then this is a struggle. It is definitely difficult because sometimes you want to tell them but you're unsure of the outcome. And if you know they're straight then that's even tougher. Maybe, if you can talk to another close friend who knows them, and someone you can trust, about these feelings. Opening up to someone who won't judge will help yourself. But sometimes it is too hard and easier to just hide them.
Being honest about your feelings with yourself and your friend, life's too short. It could be the start of something amazing.
It's rough. I went through it the hard way, with heartbreak and healing. It's not always easy if you're truly in love. It can require the whole process of going through this. If you're able to reflect and stop yourself from getting deeply entrenched, then this would be ideal. However, it is difficult to stop your feelings. If you know that it is impossible to be with your best friend who is straight, you will have to get over the feelings eventually, and this happens over different periods of time for different people. It is painful and hard, but always remember to love yourself and surround yourself with supportive friends (or Listeners).
This is always hard falling in love with a friend, especially when they are straight. The best thing to do, from my experience, is to be forward and tell your friend how you feel. If they truly care about you, they will tell you if they resiprocate, and if they don't they will try to continue the friendship with you. If you tell them how you feel, and they aren't willing to make things work, then they were most likely not a true friend in the first place.
Remember to respect that they can’t choose who they do and don’t like. If it is something that’s taking up a lot of your thoughts, then try and speak with them about these feelings you’re getting. If they’re your best friend then they’ll understand that you can’t help how you feel either, and perhaps together you can work something out. Sometimes focusing your efforts elsewhere can help, such as on your schoolwork or on your own mental health. It might be a case of spending a little less time together, just so you have a chance to work around these feelings. Love can change a lot over time, so try not to worry too much that this is how you’ll feel for the rest of your life. There’ll definitely be other people out there that you’ll have the same kind of feelings for, just remember to take this kind of thing one step at a time.
Well, it's never going away if you do not admit it in the first place. Otherwise it'll stick in you until, God knows when. If you're not getting it out, then it won't get out by itself. On the other hand, you can try to point out the flaws of that best friend to yourself, see if there is anything that can make you take your mind off them. Remember to keep it to yourself, though. Just between you and yourself about these flaws. Besides, we might all feel a little sparkle with our best friends someday. But it's just a crush. If you don't want to "ruin" it, trust me, the crush will eventually go away.
It will be hard, but just be a good friend. The root of friendship is love. Even though your love is in a different form than may be appropriate, you can use that to strengthen your friendship. Feed all of your love into just being the best friend you can be. And for you, it will be difficult, but eventually the feelings you have will be replaced or focused on someone new who ,maybe, will love you back. You will get through this.
Remember that they are straight but don't let that inhibit you. Be friends with them, but don't make them uncomfortable. Hang out with them but don't get too close. I have a crush on one of my best friends, who is straight. I really love him as more then a friend but I know he doesn't love me back, and it's hard. I really wish we could be together but I know that's not going to happen. I want to be with him. This kind of thing affects everyone and is one of the harder things in life to get over. Be their friend without making them uncomfortable. It just might work.
It's a very tricky situation. I know i fell in love with my best friend. At that moment, i had to question myself. What do i really want? What Matters to me? When you know your best friend so well, you know what your best friend wants in life too. Then if there is no way that you have a space in your best friends life in that manner, there is no point in hurting both. I had to tell myself, that being together as best friends makes much more sense than being lovers. It's a conscious conversation that you have to have with your self and weigh what's more important. I am not saying that the scenario i went through is the same as yours, so circumstance might be different. But i am sure you would know deep down what your friend wants! so listen to that voice, which thinks from the brain and not from the heart .. for once. it will do good to both .. It helped me..
The main thing you can do to make things easier is just be grateful for the friendship. Theres always going to be more opportunities for future relationships and love out there in the world as limited as you may feel right now. Even though the best case scenario seems like it would be for your best friend to be attracted to you and want you back, it's still pretty great to have proof you can fall in love with someone because it shows you can probably be capable of falling in love again. Something to be mindful of is that your attitude about them only viewing you as a friend will determine a lot about your level of maturity and general character. If you can do your best to be genuinely happy for them and mind your boundaries then things will probably work out and the friendship will be more likely to stay strong. Lastly, although the question assumes the hypothetical best friend is straight, there's a chance they're not but haven't come out of the closet or confessed their feelings yet. What you can do about this is be patient and try to test the waters about their opinions about LGBT+ topics, maybe suggest they watch shows with gay characters and ask them their opinions of them. What matters is that they make an effort to accept you whether they do want to be with you or not and this'll help show if that's the case. Good luck!
First of all, tell them the truth about how are you feeling when you are with them. Next, respect their feeling and your friendship. Because it doesnt matter your friend having feeling with you or not, you still dont want to lose that person especially you both being friend for awhile. Lets think this way, sometime you need to know that friendship is more way romantic than a relationship. Why? because being best friend can help you share with them everything you want without any barriers or uncomfortable thoughts. Same to that person, sometime he/she feels more comfortable when sharing a secret with best friend than with boyfriend/girlfriend or even with family. So just in case if your best friend just want to keep the friendship between you and him/her, then just happy and continue to be a best friend to each other.
Try to differentiate what you like and what you love about him, what he/she thinks about you (not in front of you ) while talking to others. Don't prioritize always what he/she feels always, sometimes friendships are a lot precious to loose . Be honest. If you think he/she feels something more than friendship to you, honestly acknowledge your feelings. Make sure to be alone with him/her and prepare yourself for all possible outcomes. Warn him/her to be honest too, and that you don't want to destroy your friendship, but you think you fell in love. Normally with friends, one person begins to have feelings earlier than the other.
Exploring feelings further to understand/differentiate between love and lust. Once feelings have been able to be distinguished, ask yourself what you can possibly do to express those feelings safely. If no impacts and situation is friendly, confide in friend... only if you want to :) It is okay to fall in love and it is also okay if your friend to feel a different way than you. Most of times, they will feel happy and appreciated that someone fell in love with them. Don't worry if a relationship doesn't bloom out of it, take the happiness that you have given them and love it :)
hi! this is definitely a difficult situation that you are in and I want to say that I genuinely feel for you in your predicament. I would first before you do anything ask yourself if these are truly feeling of love or feeling in the sexual sense, opposed to say an extreme sense of familiarity and level of comfort. this is the first thing that I would do. before you change anything in a friendship whether straight or not this is something to think about. how does the person make you feel? how would your life change if the other person were to say they were falling in love with you too? but on the other side of thing play devils advocate and ask whether you would be ok if your friendship turns sour because of your attraction. think inwardly first and then outward would be best.
If it's too obvious or too hard to handle, then a talk could help. Communication and telling the truth should be the right move. It would be hard to understand it through text if you want to share your feelings with them so it is better to do it upfront, one on one. Saying the best about them, complimenting them, saying how you really love what you have with them but honesty isn't something to be ashamed, saying that you can't control what you feel doesn't make you a bad guy here. It may seem awkward for them but they wouldn't do anything radical as long as they understand.
Be gentle with yourself, your human! This is a really tricky situation, being honest is always great, but can be really hard to navigate. Take your time and try to gauge how they might react. You could try a story about a similar scenario and see how they react. Your feels are authentic and there is nothing wrong with feeling this type of attraction. You must be proud of reaching out for help to navigate a tricky situation. It takes a lot of strength to ask for support. Remember to be gentle with yourself!
Let them know you like them so then you don’t have to stress over everything. If you don’t let them know that you don’t like them you are just bottling up your emotions and feelings for your best friend and you wouldn’t know if they like you back or not. Give it a try and see if they confess back. If they don’t return the feelings, hopefully you guys can still stay as best friends. It’s okay to fear rejection, it’s a great way to move on and experience what rejection is like. Everything will be okay in the end.
If you can be open about it, that would be great ; it's even better if they know already about your preferences. Considering it's your best friend, I don't think they would be offended. Now, I understand if you want to be more low key about the whole situation. Once you've realized that you're in love, you should try to distance yourself (enhance why I think it's better to tell them what's going on first, you don't want to lose your best friend). Falling out of love is always possible, it takes time. There is also the possibility of you still being in love with them and staying friends, just learning how to turn this love into appreciation, and things should go smoothly from here!
there is no way to deal with falling in love. once the wheel has started moving, it will not stop. it will crush you head to toe. so if you want to experience being in love and take it forward, then take it in that direction but if you want to stop that wheel, i guess you should try staying away from that person for some time and stop magnifying whatever feeling you have for him/her in your head. our head is a great magnifier. i mean see how it magnifies the 2-3 mm image on retina into a full grown scene before your eyes. i dont know if it makes sense but hope it helps.
It's very hard to deal with having romantic feelings for someone who you feel would never be into you. I had very strong feelings for one of my best friends and it hurt to know that they didn't want to be with me. I finally realized that I couldn't let that get in my way of having a successful and happy relationship. It hurts in the beginning but you will eventually get through it. Even if they can't be with you the way you want it doesn't mean someone else won't. Hang in there
It can be very challenging in a friendship to suppress romantic feelings. I believe especially with your best friend you can be honest. Sit down and talk that there are feelings coming up that are beyond your friendship, figure out what you two can expect from one another and how to deal with it. Maybe you need space, maybe you need some distance, maybe you don't want anything to change after all is said. Allow yourself to feel, allow your best friend to feel differently (or maybe even the same - who knows ;) ). But opening up about it gives your friend the best chance at respecting your emotions and behaving adequately
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