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How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?

114 Answers
Last Updated: 11/30/2021 at 8:37am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Top Rated Answers
JayBird1917
March 20th, 2020 7:41pm
This is one of the hardest things!! I know in my life I’ve come across this hurdle more times than I can count. But most often, I find it best to be honest, as commutation is key in a healthy relationship, whether it’s platonic or not. Let them know the truth, but be willing to work through your feelings if the situation arises. I’ve found that the more honest I am with my friends, then the easier it becomes to work through the unreciprocated feelings I may have. Just know that you’re not alone! Not by a long shot.
mindovermatter101
April 8th, 2020 2:58am
Remember to take it slow. Remember no one has control over your feelings besides you. No one deserves that power. Remember your purpose is to get to know them, not let them know you. Remember to treat others how you want to be treated. Also remember that people need personal space. Some more than others and you need to respect that. Remember everyone has an entire life that they have lived, and do not have social anxiety, because they are a person just like you. There are many questions to ask to get to know someone. Start with what experiences have influenced them the most as of today. Also ask who they look up to.
Nyte20
April 8th, 2020 4:58pm
Be honest with them, sometimes keeping it inside is more harmful then helpful. Continuing to interact with them as if nothing has changed can be very stressful and space can help. Telling them how you feel but also letting them know that you don’t want to make them uncomfortable is a nice way to ease into the conversation. Ask them to give you some space so you can have some time to yourself to think about things. If your friend reacts in a bad way they may just need some time to think about things too, this is a lot to take in. Give it something time and things should work out for the best. Just remember that communication is key.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2020 1:39am
I've been in this situation before, and it certainly is an emotional rollercoaster! You feel a whole host of emotions but likely can't share them with your crush for a number of reasons. What helped me was sitting down and looking at all the traits I was attracted to, then going from there. Was is just a physical attraction to my friend, or was this something deeper? Sometimes straight friends check all the "boxes" we look for in partners, and that can make separating our friendship and our intimate emotions far more difficult. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we can't choose who we're attracted to!
Anonymous
July 1st, 2020 12:46pm
Remember that you can't change who they are more than anyone can change who you are. I know that this is a very difficult situation to be in, and many people go through this type of thing, especially as teenagers. It is not your fault, nor is it your friend's fault. However, if you aren't able to be friends with them without feeling bad yourself, you may need to consider taking some distance from your friend. Perhaps this time will enable you to move on from them, which may allow you to be friends with them again one day in a way that is healthy for you. Remember that this happens to a lot of people, so don't think that you are alone in this!
khwaab
August 5th, 2020 7:41am
You just have to focus on what’s important. You can be in love with someone without pushing them to feel the same way and a friendship can survive romantic feelings, and can sometimes grown to incorporate those feelings into it. Anyway, it's complex territory and the fear of losing a friend because of feelings is terrifying. Just be calm and don't push them. If you love them, you should be capable of putting her feelings and her needs before yours in every possible way. That's what love is, in a way. If they don’t want it back off, try to maintain the friendship, and live with the friendship. On the other hand, instincts are very powerful. If you have feelings for a friend, at least talk them out. You never know what might happen.
Anonymous
October 1st, 2020 8:23pm
Well, falling in love with a best friend is hard. It's especially harder if they are straight, and if you know they will not like you back. I fell in love with my best friend and they never knew. I couldn't bear to tell them. The easiest way to deal with this, is to try and focus on other things that make you happy. Yeah, that will be hard. I know that. You might not WANT to do anything else that makes you happy except be around them, but the more you are around them, the stronger the feelings will get. Now that doesn't mean to stop seeing them, just reason with your heart, and reason with your mind, and hopefully things will get better.
JoelA
October 8th, 2020 1:12am
I think the best way to go about it is being honest with your best friend and expressing your feelings you have for your friend. Talking about it with your friend might be the best solution. Most at times we are scared to express our feelings because we are scared of being rejected. Things start getting awkward and the friendship is affected as a result of that. I have always believed expressing yourself and feelings and dealing with the outcome. It is always good to know how your friend also feels. If the feeling is not mutual there are alternate ways to move forward.
Anonymous
October 9th, 2020 4:49am
Ouch, I've done this before. The best thing for me was distance; don't be mean, but focus on other friends besides this one. I also questioned my feelings, as in - thought about the hard reasons I fell for her. Once you've liked someone for a while, it feels natural and you begin to forget what made you feel so strongly. Reach inside you and find those reasons, and if you have to, disprove them. It felt wrong to do, but I deeply considered her flaws and found that maybe we wouldn't be the best match after all. I would also say completely let go of the idea of you two being together. You will never be anything other than a friend to her, it's harsh but it's what you need to realize. Once you've given up on the thought, it becomes a little easier. Best of luck to you.
glowingTruth228
October 21st, 2020 5:05pm
If I fell in love with my best friend, it would probably be extremely difficult for me to come to terms with. In all honesty, I probably would not be able tod encipher my emotions in that given moment in time. It would more than likely take me a while to understand my feelings for them and where they came from. It would be scary, of course, but I would have to tell them at the end of the day. It wouldn’t be fair to myself, for one, to continually allow my feelings for him to grow when there is so much uncertainty as to how he truly feels about me. And second, it would be unfair to him to hold in those feelings from him because he would be completely oblivious to the situation from the start.
Beauty05
November 21st, 2020 12:21pm
First of all, I would check if falling in love with her won't spoil our relationship as friends. Being friends is something that would be very important to me and I wouldn't want to lose that for anything even if it's to get with her romantically. Secondly, as a Christian, I would tell God to help me with my feelings. I wouldn't want to sin against God and fall in love with someone of the same sex. Thirdly, I would talk to her about how I am feeling and I would pay attention to what she says. As a friend she is to talk and understand me
CanadianGladiator
January 4th, 2021 12:14am
I’m assuming that you’re talking about sexual love. My best friend is straight, and I love him dearly, but I do not want to get naked with him. Eww. I’m also out, and have been for a long time. My answer, therefore, will be different than that of a closeted person. I’ve dealt with crushes on my friends when I was younger by dissecting the crush. What is it about this man that flips my switch? Is it physical? Is it social? Is it emotional? My next step was looking at his responses to me. Are they significantly different than his responses to other friends, or are they more special and more lover-like? Does this have a chance of going anywhere? (Most likely not, but the question should be asked.) Ultimately, I would step back a bit from this friend until the crush fever passes. If he is my best friend, I love him and care for him, and I don’t want him to be uncomfortable around me.
belladgreys
February 17th, 2021 2:06pm
Oh my gosh, I've done this three or four times before. I made the mistake of trying to convince the first girl to date me, even though she kept insisting she was straight. It ended up messing up our relationship, and we don't really talk anymore because everything got super awkward and she thought I was trying to push myself onto her. You can't help falling in love. You fall in love like you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once. You can't control who you love, so it's very hard to let someone go, but you just have to find a way to. It's not your fault that they are straight and you aren't. If you give it time, you'll be okay. It might not seem like it, but it gets better.
wonderfullLove7900
March 31st, 2021 9:51pm
It’s hard, I won’t lie, but it’s manageable. I know that it feels as if they’re perfect, but you have to try and focus on the not-so-good things. Think about parts of them that you don’t like- hopefully you’ll start to go off them. Talk to them about it if you feel that they’ll understand, because it’s always better to have things out in the open, no matter how hard it seems. Take a step back and try to think about how important the friendship is to you. Is it worth risking your friendship to tell them how you feel? Just remember, it’s not your fault you’re falling in love with them.
Lou73
May 2nd, 2021 7:41pm
This is a really difficult situation and one that always has a different answer because each situation is so unique. Keeping those feelings secret can really take a toll on your mental health, especially if the situation goes on for a long time. A common fear is that confessing these feelings will lead to your friend becoming more distant, or judging you or reacting badly. But if they are a true friend, (they might be shocked at first) but they would continue to support you and love you in a platonic way if you are happy to keep that friendship. Only you know you and your best friend best to make a decision on what to do. Wishing you all the best
richHeart4998
May 20th, 2021 5:56am
First think about is it truly love or fondliness because you talk everything to your friend...share your feelings. Think about if that friend thinks about you the same. If he/she has the same feelings or express it then talk about it to them. But first thinking is important because if you decide hastily it may affect your friendship with that person. Then tell the person about how you feel. If it is positive well and good. If not move on because atleast you tried. You won’t have any regrets later. What is the worst that can happen. In the end everything happens for a reason
Anonymous
July 21st, 2021 12:50pm
This was difficult for me. The more i tried to ignore my feelings, the heavier the felt. It grew from a "butterfly feeling" to a stone in my stomach. Eventually I sat them down and opened up. I told them how long it's been a feeling for me. I told them how it was difficult to ignore it, how it was causing me pain to not address it. The listened, and were supportive. They didn't feel the same way about me, but that is not what mattered. They had noticed that i was drifting away from them, and thought they had done something wrong. They didn't want to bring it up with me, because they were worries it was something i was not comfortable speaking about. We never dated, but are still friends today.
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2021 3:14pm
This is such a tough thing to experience because not only are they straight they also happen to be your best friend. If it was just a crush, maybe (hopefully) it would go away eventually, but "falling in love" with them is harder, because you can't suddenly stop loving them. If you feel like they might not have a hugely negative reaction if they learnt about your feelings, it might be best to let them know. Accordingly, you two can sort out what the next best move for you is. Varies from case-to-case; maybe it's taking some time away from each other, for you to process your feelings and for them to process what they've just learnt about you. If you feel like they would have a negative reaction, it's best not to say anything. Since you've fallen in love with them, it's obvious that you care a lot about them. You could try your best to be there for them as a friend. But please remember that your feelings are important too and if the whole situation ever gets too overwhelming take some time to make yourself feel better.
Anonymous
September 24th, 2021 4:28pm
We've all been there. You know it. I know it. Falling for someone who's straight is always tough. Especially if they're your best friend. I have experience dealing with falling for someone with a different sexuality. It's not always fun. But, ya know, maybe you could get them to make an exception *smirks* However, that's not super likely. Just as you would support queer people, it's important to support someone for being straight. If they're your best friend and don't share the same feelings for you, it's best to work on moving on. The relationship you two have is very special. Unless it's becoming damaging for you, try to keep that friendship and learn to find romantic love in others. Good luck, my love birds!
Anonymous
October 14th, 2021 1:09pm
It can be incredibly difficult to deal with having feelings for someone who is close to you, especially when you know that they don't feel the same way. Almost all queer individuals have been in that situation at one time or another, and it can be very painful emotionally. There's not just one way to deal with those feelings, nor is there a right or wrong way. You should do whatever you think is best while you work on acknowledging and accepting your feelings, as you know yourself best. The most important thing is to remember that this will pass. It may hurt like hell right now, but it will get easier. I wish you the best of luck!
Anonymous
October 30th, 2021 9:39am
This can be a very confusing thing to experience. You go through a myriad of emotions and thoughts all at once - and it can be very stressful. But there are at least few things we can do to try and figure out what we are thinking. We can list literally anything we feel - writing down thoughts helps us gain clarity on a particular subject. The next step is trying to figure out WHY we feel a particular way. Then we can go about figuring out where we stand, and really observe ourselves minutely. Once we are sure what we feel, we might consider talking to that friend. This may seem daunting, but if that person is your best friend, there is a high chance that he/she/they will understand your situation. While doing all this, we must remember that this is a completely normal thing to feel and there is no need to feel any kind of guilt about it. Good day, guys :)
Anonymous
November 19th, 2021 5:55am
Ohhh this is a tough one… I’ve been there. If it gets too overwhelming, understand that you may need to set boundaries while you go through the grieving process. Being open and honest with how you feel may be helpful too - if you feel like they would be cool with hearing how you feel. It might help them understand the situation that’s going on for you. It may then be easier to communicate boundaries after you explain what’s going on. If this is your best friend, I’m sure you two can get through this. Eventually your feelings for them will start to fade and you can go back to being platonic without needing to process your feelings, because they’ll have all been processed.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2021 6:37am
Falling for someone who you are not only closely bonded to, but who also does not share your sexual orientation, can be frustrating and confusing. If you know for a fact that you are not a member of their preferred sex, it is best to first acknowledge that a relationship is not feasible. Secondly, you should approach the situation in a way which best meets your needs as a person. If you have platonic love for them, and can cope with these feeling without verbalizing them or acting on them, then you can maintain the friendship. This route is also more manageable by opening up to another LGBTQIA+ member who can keep your feelings in confidentiality, and perhaps relate to you. Alternatively, if you feel that it is nearly unbearable to continue with these unspoken feelings while being so close with them, perhaps talking with them about your feelings and your need for distance would be helpful. Only do this if they can be trusted to not have a negative reaction.
ImHereToHelp109
November 30th, 2021 8:37am
Hi, I am from New Zealand, I am 12 years of age, and I am bisexual, I have struggled with this problem for around 1 and a half years. The key is to control your feelings for that person, and this is a very hard task for everyone. But that's the only way to get around it and move on in life potentially with another person who likes you the way you do. You might want to avoid their surroundings a little bit, don't back out too much, as this will tear up your relationship, be open to them about it and lower the awkwardness. Try to focus on someone else and develop close relationships with them. The more time you spend with your crush/friend, the more your feelings start to take control over you. Don't think about sexual references of any sort with them, as this will effect your sexual behavior towards them and bring down your friendship. Take your mind off of this person, and focus on the future, because you need to understand that this relationship that's on your mind will not happen. This is an unfortunate situation for people and there is pretty much nothing you can do to quickly avoid it. I hope you find this response supportive, and I wish you good luck with this person :)