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I adore my boyfriend and don’t want to leave him, but I also think I’m a lesbian. What do I do?

4 Answers
Last Updated: 10/19/2020 at 2:41pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 26th, 2019 7:09pm
If you are lesbian, you have to consider if you can really be happy with him, because if you can't, with time this will make him unhappy too. Sometimes it's best for everyone to just let go, and give each other a chance to be happy in a different way. Unless both of you are happy with a purely romantic/platonic and non physical relationship. But if you can't, letting him go is the biggest act of love for him and for yourself. And nothing stops you from staying close as friends, now or later once you've moved on, if you think you can manage it.
January 30th, 2018 7:49pm
Unfortunately, the only person who can answer this is you. However, I think there are some questions you can ask yourself that may help you come to a decision. If you are not sexually interested in your boyfriend, what kind of interest do you have in him? Are you still romantically interested or do you see him more as a best friend? Do you see a future with your boyfriend? If not, do you think it would be cruel to maintain your relationship if you expect it to end anyway?
January 31st, 2018 3:24pm
I'm sorry you are going through this. If he loves you, he will want you to be happy. And if you love him, you will want him to be happy. I know it won't be easy for either of you, but you can't change your sexuality. I think eventually you'll have to tell him so that both of you can be happy.Do this in your own time and in your own way.
October 19th, 2020 2:41pm
That does sound like a difficult and confusing position for you to be in. If you've never been involved with a woman before, it may play on your mind constantly whilst in this relationship with your boyfriend. This can start to form cracks within your relationship and how you feel because you may feel you're not being true to who you feel you really are, and so you're presenting a false sense to yourself and to your boyfriend. This is why it's important to communicate how you're feeling to your boyfriend, so that you can work through them together. If your boyfriend isn't willing to work through these feelings with you and instead becomes defensive and upset, then this may not be a great relationship to be in to begin with. Good communication without instantly reacting on emotions is imperative to a healthy relationship. If you have been with a woman before, but you're still drawn to women and also sexually attracted to your boyfriend, then it's possible that you're bisexual. If you disagree with that statement and feel you're indeed lesbian, it's possible to still love your boyfriend as you've spent time with him, fallen in love with who he is and there's nothing wrong with that. So a good starting point would be to communicate with your boyfriend about your feelings.