I am a girl who wants to be a boy but my dad hates women and physically, sexually, and emotionally abused me into hating women and myself. Should I listen to my wanting to be trans or not?
Last Updated: 05/13/2019 at 3:30pm
Graham Barrone, Adip ICHP, MCBT
If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat.
Top Rated Answers
It seems important to unravel things here, since your situation is particularly complex. If you're deciding to seek professional help, try to find a transfriendly therapist (one who won't discard automatically the trans hypothesis). Being trans isn't about "wanting to be of an other gender than the one assigned at birth", it's about being of an other gender than the one assigned at birth. So I would say that you may need to 1) try (with a therapist ?) to heal the self-hate induced by your father and the one toward women, and from that, 2) figure out how YOU feel, about your body, the way people talk to you (the gender, pronoun, name they use with you), the way you feel about being, you, a girl or a boy (from what you're saying), etc, without the shadow of your father behaviour/influence. Don't rush into invasive stuff if you're not sure about what's what, but I really wish you'll trust yourself to figure out what way is yours to follow :) It'll help you heal and grow as a human being, and that's a good thing I guess ^^
You have to understand that whatever decision you make will be a lifelong decision. And you cannot fight what happens naturally to you. I think you should seek help and decide such a major life decision.
You should not neglect what your heart is telling you, whatever it is. However, understanding ourselves can be difficult. If you went through this sort of abuse, the first step in order to understand yourself and make free, mindful decisions is to address your trauma. Therapy can be of incredible help in this. After a therapy path, not only you can find yourself stronger than you were before, but also more aware of yourself. It's the greatest gift you can do to yourself. And if you truly feel you're a boy, if that is how you identify yourself, than this is the path to follow. Once we feel like we've reached our self-awareness, whatever our heart tells us should be listened. I wish you the best!
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