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I am romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women. I am in love with a guy but am not sexually attracted to him. What do I do?

3 Answers
Last Updated: 09/07/2020 at 4:43am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
November 12th, 2018 9:11pm
Hi. This is very very normal. Romantic attraction involves who you have romantic feelings for, like who you would fall in love with. Sexual attraction is about who you prefer yo have sexual experiences with. Your romantic attraction and sexual attraction don't have to be the same, this is totally normal and nothing to worry about or be ashamed of. If you feel comfortable enough you could tell the guy how you feel. You don't have to want to have sex with someone the love and care about them, there are many ways to express romantic feelings. You don't have to do anything sexually you are not comfortable with, so if anyone ever pressures you to have sex this is not ok. So you could explain to this guy how you feel, that you have romantic feelings for him but not sexual feelings, and if he has an issue with that, then maybe he isn't the person for you. Don't worry, there are many people out there who feel the same way as you do, there are people who are willing to be in s loving relationship with little to no sex, and there are people who are willing to engage in sex without having a romantic relationship, There are other people out there whose sexual preference and romantic preference do not match up, and if that if you cone to the conclusion that this is the way you feel that is totally ok. But you don't need to feel pressured to put any label on yourself, you can take as much tin to figure things out as you need.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
July 2nd, 2019 9:09pm
It can be a very tough situation, I know! In these cases, it's important to be very honest with the person you have feelings for. You have the right to go for it and tell him about your feelings, but it's also important to be clear about what you can or cannot offer in a relationship. There are people who are ok in not having sex in a relationship, or people who can accept to be in an open relationship - you can find your own balance, something that works for both of you, as it happened for many couples. I know you might feel a bit discouraged about opening up about your feelings, but if there's a chance he could return your feelings, you can consider giving it a chance, trying to see how he feels about you, and if you can find some sort of balance that works for both.
September 7th, 2020 4:43am
In a relationship, both partners need to be on the same page. If you enter into a relationship with anyone, identify what you need most from him/her. Ask yourself how you would prioritize your sexual satisfaction, and your need to feel love and a deeper connection with a partner. Knowing your priorities will help you understand whether you should pursue the guy or not. Also, in case you start a relationship with him, understand that he will probably need to satisfy his sexual needs from you. In such a case, how will you do this? Hence, it is important to identify our own needs and understand what our partner needs from us as well. Being aware, and being considerate will help you a lot in life.