I don't like being a girl, but I don't want to be a guy, the idea of having a gender itself is terrifying to me. I've had crushes on girls, and I've been attracted to some guys. What's with me?
Last Updated: 01/13/2020 at 10:07pm
Monique Bivins, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have a real passion for helping my clients to overcome life's obstacles . My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive, and interactive.
Top Rated Answers
It seems you're questioning two distinct aspects of yourself: your gender identity, and your sexual orientation. You're gender identity is what gender you identify as. If you don't feel like you belong to any gender, then the identity that sounds the most like you is the agender one. Being agender means not identifying as any gender at all, and given what you say, it sounds like it could be your case! As for your sexual orientation, defined by the attraction you feel towards people, the fact that you've been attracted by girls and by guys suggests that you are bisexual.
If you feel as though you're not comfortable with the concept of gender, there are a few identities that might be helpful to look into :) things like agender, neutrois, gender-neutral, or genderless. They are all feelings for when "gender" just doesn't seem to fit. Maybe one of them relates to what you're feeling? As for your attraction, I think there's nothing wrong with feeling attracted to girl and some guys! And it can be completely independent of your gender identity. You're welcome to look into different sexual and romantic orientations, to see if any of them match what you're feeling :)
Don't label things then. Be what you want and be with who you want ignore gender pronouns if your not comfortable with them
There's nothing "with you". Sometimes it takes people time to figure out who they are. It's okay to not know yet! I have a friend who is in a similar situation and doesn't know how to name who they are so they don't. They choose to describe themselves to friends so everyone has an idea of who they are. It's always complicated and troubling to figure out who you truly are but in the end, that's how you were born and you're beautiful for it. Don't worry about figuring out a name right away. You don't need to name your sexuality or gender to feel any better! I'm so proud of you though! I know it can be hard to talk about these things!
If you feel as though you don’t belong with either gender, there’s a plethora of different identities you may resonate with, but it is likely they fall under the nonbinary spectrum. Non-binary is an umbrella term housing identities such as agender, bigender, gender neutral, or gender non-conforming. As far as attraction goes, you may have opposing orientations, and that’s okay. You might identify as gynesexual/gyneromantic, androsexual/androromantic, or a mix of the two. These terms signify attraction to girls or guys (respectively) without attaching this attraction to a particular gender, making them more inclusive for an identity outside the binary.
Well sometimes these things happen. And no, you do not necessarily need to be confined to a single label (either female or male). If you want a label you can always go with non-binary which seems to fit your situation perfectly. This then allows you to figure out how you feel and explore the possibilities more
You may be non-binary and bisexual. Those feeling are very common with people hoe sexually identify as non-binary.
You are non-Binary and are Bisexual. i Can get how you are feeling but be proud of what you are! You can love girl or guys and it doesnt matter because if you feel that way then you feel that way and no one can tell you otherwise. Yeah some people are homophobic but thats because they are rude heartless creatures and your a light. Dont let anyone get you down for what you are and who you love beacuse you are you and no one can tell you to be a a way your not
There is an identity within, or rather outside, the gender spectrum called agender. People under this label feel little or no gender, but if you still feel large amounts of gender(regardless of how much it scares you), you could be non-binary, or part of a gender spectrum that lies between female and male. In terms of who you’ve had crushes are, the majority of LGBTQ+ sexualities encompass attractions to more than one gender. Depending on the level of attraction you feel to males and females(I will assume it’s the same, but otherwise you’d be homoromantic heterosexual or the other way round), you are likely biromantic(romantic attraction to two genders) or bisexual(sexual attraction to two genders). It is possible to be both at the same time, and it is possible to only feel one of those types of attraction(whether sexual or romantic). All of these identities are perfectly acceptable, and you don’t have to label yourself if you don’t want to.
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