I have just accepted the fact that i am transgender. How do i tell the man i love that i want to be a man?
Last Updated: 10/21/2019 at 11:27pm
Lisa Groesz, PhD
With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.
Top Rated Answers
You can choose a moment when you're both feeling good and you are unlikely to get distracted or interrupted. Then, you can tell him how and why you started questioning, what you felt, what you still feel now. You can try to explain him what it means to tell like you, what you need to be happy. Make sure he knows you'll be there to answer any question and help him understand. It's surely not gonna be easy, but nobody knows how it will go, you mustn't lose hope!
I would start off by telling him that you've been doing some self discovery and you found something out about yourself. Then if you experience dysphoria I'd go into that, talk about how you want to be identified and your personal feelings about your identity. Then be adamant that you still love him and that you just feel like like you aren't fem. Telling a S.O. that you are already in a relationship in is hard but stay calm and keep in your mind that you are putting your entire self out there for him to see, that a beautiful and powerful thing to do. Either way, do it as naturally as your brain tells you and let him ask questions. Good Luck!
First, thumbs up with accepting the fact that you're a trans guy. It's not always easy with all the social pressure and stigma. I may be wrong, but I think you don't want to be a man. I think you ARE a man. You're already a man. Just because your ID papers don't say so, or just because people think of you as a woman doesn't mean your gender is not legitimate. You're already a man, that's why you may want to do things about it (like socially and/or medically and/or legally). If that's not how you feel, I don't want to impose anything on you. But presenting things like that can actually be a more positive way of explaining to your partner what's happening. The more casual you'll be when telling him, the easier it will be for him to take it. Why ? Because when we present ourselves as ashame, ridiculous, broken, sick, stupid, with doubt etc, people will see that and get that idea too. You're just a trans man, which me you were assigned a woman instead of a man. You came to realize that (and it took the time it took, because of the lack of information, social pressure and stigma, education, society transphobia etc) and now you're expressing HUGE trust toward your loved one : that's a real sign of trust that he could be honored of :) It may be a bit difficult for him to deal with all the apprenhensions and misconceptions he could have, but most of the time, I found that partners have common "sort of fears" : - that you will be someone different -> you won't, only your look will change (if you take hormons) but it'll be rather slow and he'll still recognize you :) Your personnality won't change and isn't it what's he's in love with ? - that he won't desire your body anymore if it changes -> well, only time will tell you both about it. he may be surprised (sex tend to be far better when you're happy being yourself en enjoying life more !) - that it will "change" his sexual orientation (and mean he's gay) -> it won't necessarily if he doesn't identify as so : the only thing that will change is the label of your relationship (a gay one) and the way it will be perceived by others... It's not always easy, but it's not you the problem or the one responsible, it's the people who hate, insult, get violent and discriminate gay couples..! Good luck, and well, if every relationship is a work in progress, yours could be deeply reinforce by that, because it's a journey you'll both indulge in, and you'll learn to know yourselves and each others deeper. And if it doesn't stand, well... relationships end... :/ You can have several relationships in your life. But you just have one life.
Unfortunately, there's no easy way to do this. It's probably going to be a hard conversation - especially if he doesn't have any idea you feel this way. If I were in your shoes, I would do my best to be completely honest about what you want for yourself and also make it really clear that if he's willing to try to make it work, then you'd like to stay together (if that is, in fact, what you want - which it sounds like it is). From that point, it's in his court. Offer to answer any questions he has, but don't try to flood him with information about being transgender. If he doesn't really know much about it, you can give him a few basic tidbits, but he'll probably already be experiencing strong emotions and a lot of information probably wouldn't get processed. He will likely need time to think about everything and let him know that's okay and you understand. In short, try to be open, but also be mindful of his feelings - you've had a long time to sort this all out, but he'll be getting hit with it all at once.
Related Questions: I have just accepted the fact that i am transgender. How do i tell the man i love that i want to be a man?
How do I come out as nonbinary?I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?Is there any chats/groups/forums specifically for Transgender teens 18 and under?What does it mean to be Queer? I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?How do I come out to my parents?How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?How can I explain homosexuality to my parents?Hi. I’ve had trouble with my family lately. My mom says she supports me-being an enby but won’t call me by my pronouns. And got angry at me now I’m in trouble. Please help?