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I have recently developed feelings for my same sex friend who is gay, but I’ve never had feelings for the same sex before. What do I do?

6 Answers
Last Updated: 03/01/2021 at 12:06pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
November 8th, 2017 7:26pm
Treat it as you would any other crush. Just because you've never had feelings for the same sex before and may not ever have any others again doesn't make your feelings now any less real! Good luck!
November 13th, 2017 7:51pm
Are you scared of having feelings for them? It is completely natural to have a crush or fall in love, not matter what gender you or them is. It just happens random. So if you really feel like you might like them , then go for it!
November 14th, 2017 1:27am
This can be confusing! Just know that you do not need to label yourself. Love who you want to love! People use labels to help them feel a sense of community and identity- but that doesn't mean they're mandatory. You don't have to identify as gay or bisexual (or anywhere else on the spectrum) just because of this one crush- but you can if it feels right. Sexuality also is fluid! You might have only experienced one form of attraction before now, but it could be shifting- and it could change again in the future! Try not to worry too much about your sexuality. Though it sounds cheesy, just be yourself and accept your feelings.
November 15th, 2017 2:24am
Sometimes we are attracted to certain people simply because of their personality, or aura, or how they make us feel. There doesn't have to be a label placed on how you feel, and this person may very well be the only same-sex person you ever develop such feelings for. Or not. Time will tell. Try not to get caught up in the how and why, but simply enjoy their company for now and see how things play out. :)
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 5th, 2019 2:20am
It can surely be a bit confusing, but if he's gay and you have feelings for him, there's no reasons why you shouldn't give yourself this opportunity of love and happiness. Just follow your heart and do what makes you feel good, that's always the right path, even if it leads to unfamiliar roads!
March 1st, 2021 12:06pm
It's totally normal. I think the majority of people have had that feeling. And it's okay. You may not be sure about your sexuality, but that's normal. Just take time. Don't pressure yourself into labels, if you don't want to. Accept that you are a human and you cannot change feelings. Time will show. You will live with it. Remember, if you love that person, don't restrict yourself. If you feel you're meant to be together, don't panic. Love is important. Don't limit yourself. Let yourself love who you want to love and be confident about it. But the time will show. Be patient.