I rather have sex with a girl rather than a boy but I still think guys are cute or whatever i don’t understand what I am... what do I do?
Last Updated: 11/01/2021 at 10:51pm
Brenda King, PsyD
I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.
Top Rated Answers
It's okay to feel confused about attraction because society have very strict guidelines on who is supposed to be attracted to whom. Just remember that sexual attraction and romantic or aesthetic attractions exist. Relax and go with the flow!
(The wording will depend on your personal gender identity) but, I think that it's perfectly normal to have different romantic and sexual attractions! So, it could be that your sexual orientation would be towards girls, but your romantic attraction is towards guys (as well as girls?). Or, maybe if you feel like you might still be okay with intimacy with guys, you could be bisexual/pansexual with a preference for girls. OR, another option all together, you may just like to appreciate beauty in people :) and so can find guys cute. It all depends on what your feelings mean to you, if you think it means you would want to be in a romantic and/or relationship with guys too, or if it's just a surface appreciation.
You might be bisexual. You should not be in a rush to figure it out. Eventually you will know and it will be fine. You should just focus on how you are feeling and you will figure it out.
Understanding your own sexuality and how sexual orientation and romantic orientation can be the same or different. Looking up more about different romantic and sexual orientations there are in the world might be able to help you understand yourself better. Or a listener can help you figure it out also.
I have a very similar experience, and I would do more research into sexualities and preferences to better understand yourself. While society commonly puts forth the presence of sexual orientations, they often neglect to talk about romantic orientations (which are also completely valid). For example, someone who is attracted to a gender but not in a sexual way may have a romantic orientation that differs from their sexual orientation. In the case of wanting to have sex with a girl but not a boy, that could indicate either homosexual or heterosexual orientation along with biromantic tendencies. -- you haven't said in the prompt, but it's also possible that the individual would be into sex with either gender but just leans towards sex with women more. That's totally okay too, and just means that they may have a bisexual orientation that leans more strongly towards women. -- What's important to remember is that gender and sexuality are hard to understand and there is nothing wrong with that :)
It might help to step back and first decide if you personally find this to be a problem. If it is, maybe you can move on to thinking about what makes it a problem. It could be that you just have some inner territory to explore by experimenting with different relations toward both boys and girls. This could be a good thing. Could be a fun thing even. As you go along, pay attention to whether something makes you feel better, worse, or even both. While this can all be confusing, it's something many people struggle with at some point, so you aren't alone. If you're looking to DO something. Finding a support group that specifically deals with sexuality could be helpful, if even just to see that these feelings are pretty common.
I have experienced similar feelings. It helped me to not worry about "what" I was and allow myself to explore. It can be very difficult to figure out these things, especially when, as a youth, love and sex is displayed to you in very heteronormative ways. Sexuality is very complex and it often takes time and different experiences to understand where you may fall on the sexual and/or romantic spectrum. It can be easy to let the pressure to find a label direct you into an answer that you may not truly identify with, but give yourself the time you deserve to live your life and connect with people who appeal to you regardless of gender. I hope you find this answer helpful and feel free to chat with me for support!
Considering someone cute is not the same as experiencing sexual or romantic attraction towards them. First of all, you might want to consider the sexual and the romantic attraction separately, since they do not always coincide. Then, you can try to picture yourself with girls and with guys in different contexts, sexual and romantic, and analyze the emotions that these scenarios give you. If after all your feelings towards guys just consist in finding them cute or likable, but sexually or romantically attractive, that would mean you're attracted to girls and that is what determines your orientation.
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