I'm a survivor of child physical and sexual abuse: how do I know if I'm really trans, or if these feelings are just something coming from my traumatic background?
Last Updated: 11/24/2020 at 6:18pm
Dominecaa White, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Emotional challenges take a toll on who we are and can limit us from being our best. My desire is to help all clients experience freedom from emotional bondage.
Top Rated Answers
No matter where the feelings come from, they are valid. There are hundreds of trans people who are not abuse survivors, and there are hundreds of abuse survivors who are not trans. Abuse does not cause gender issues, although feelings about gender can be tied to experiences that made you aware of your gender. The only true way to know if you are trans is to ask yourself if you would be happier as a member of whichever gender it is you're thinking about. If the answer to that question is yes, then it might be time to stop questioning if you are trans and start asking yourself what specifically you should be doing to accommodate your feelings.
Experiment with clothes, make up, hairstyles and everythig else you can experiment with. Find out what you like, what makes you feel comfortable and this will help you to get more aware of your gender identity
Even if your feelings are just the result of your trauma that doesn't invalidate them. However, to discover whether you are "really" trans or are because of your traumatic background, I'd say that you should realize that either way it doesn't really matter.
That's something you have to figure out for yourself. What do you really feel Doing a simple self-discovery session with yourself should help. Think, "who am I inside?" Whatever response you get from your brain should tell you. Try talking to a therapist, as well.
Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your background as it sounds like you have had to deal with a lot. Be true to yourself and the answers will come. See what you like, who you like to hang out around, what you feel more like. Good luck!
This would be something that would be best discussed with a therapist who is trained in these things. On your own, it's about feeling it inside yourself and letting yourself just be open to possibilities.
You don't, and at this stage it doesn't matter. Explore and validate your feelings, and find a therapist whose style works well with your personality. If you are "really" experiencing trauma-based gender confusion, that will become clear with therapy and time. If it concerns you, don't make any big transition commitments (legal changes, hormone therapy, etc) and just concentrate on one day at a time.
There is no evidence within the psychological community that surviving physical or sexual abuse would lead to feelings associated with being a transgender individual. Oftentimes, survivors of abuse who are also members of the trans* community indicate that their gender dysphoria has extended throughout their lives, preceding any abuse. While abuse can certainly influence a person's personality and sexuality, it is unlikely that the feelings you are experiencing would be in some way due to your abuse history.
I suppose that's something you have to figure out for yourself. What do you really feel, deep down? Do a little self-discovery which should help. Think, who am I? And what your body tells you is what's true.
Being trans is something present at birth, and it's just recognized at different points in people's lives. I'm not sure it would matter much if you were abused, but I'll tell you that you are very strong regardless, and that just because it may be coming from your past experiences doesn't make you any less trans, and it doesn't make your gender identity any less valid. Stay strong, friend!
Children and adolescents who have been sexually abused can suffer a range of psychological and behavioral problems, from mild to severe, in both the short and long term. The initial or short-term effects of abuse usually occur within 2 years of the termination of the abuse. But the negative effects of child sexual abuse can affect the victim for many years and into adulthood. Some children may show symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, including agitated behavior, frightening dreams, and repetitive play in which aspects of the abuse are expressed. Children may also exhibit "regressive" behaviors (such as a return to thumb-sucking or bed-wetting), eating problems, and behavior or performance problems at school. Children may show sexual behavior or seductiveness that is inappropriate for their age. Some children, especially boys, tend to "act out" with behavior problems, such as cruelty to others and running away. Other children "act in" by becoming depressed or by withdrawing from friends or family, experiencing feelings of guilt and shame. Sometimes children may try to injure themselves or attempt suicide. If child sexual abuse is not effectively treated, long-term symptoms may persist into adulthood.
I would do some soul searching, ask yourself questions and allow your answers to be one that make cynical sense.
Figuring out one's identity can be a difficult and long process, and it's ok if you're not 100% sure of your gender identity right now. Even if you still have questions, you can choose to label (or not label) your gender identity in the way that makes you feel most comfortable and happy right now. It's ok if you change your pronouns and/or identity later: "changing your mind if proof that you have one." I would encourage you to talk to some trusted people in your life about how you're feeling and what they could do to respect your gender identity.
With this sort of doubts, getting support is generally the best option. A therapist can surely help you figuring things out, and distinguishes your true self-perception from any induced belief. The trans community can also help: sharing your experience and worries with them can not only make you feel less alone and more accepted for who you are, but it's also a chance to compare your experience with that of other people with traumatic background.
It is a complex question, and I think you can find out this question in the therapy process =) Childhood sexual abuse leaves deep emotional wounds in us, a lot of confusion about our self and our identity. I think you should not rush this question, if it is an option for you consider going into therapy, take your time to heal your childhood traumas, and then slowly think about his question. Maybe you need more time to explore yourself and understand your sexuality better. And even if you are trans or decide to be trans, it is absolutely okay to be transexual! There are a lot of transexual people in the world and also a lot of resources on this topic. https://www.belongto.org/how-do-i-know-if-i-am-trans/
It's one of those things where you have to have some time to sit and reflect on yourself. Don't necessarily do it alone either! Gender therapists are very helpful and can give you resources in tips. My gender therapist helped me realize that I was indeed what I thought I was, and she's been a huge support. Search for therapists in your area and research them a bit. Don't be afraid to tell them generally why you're second-guessing yourself. They care for you and they'll help you realize if you're actually transgendered!!
My advice would be to just do what makes you comfortable. Want to dress in fancy clothes? Do that. Want to buy a binder/breast forms? Go for it! Every day is a new choice what you want to do. Like, if you're in therapy and figure out that you thought you were trans but it was really just trauma, and then you don't want to do that stuff anymore, you can just stop. And if you figure out that it's because of trauma, but it still makes you feel good, why not keep doing it? I recommend being careful about more permanent changes (such as surgeries or hormones) if you're not sure what you want yet. The most important tip: you don't have to know everything now. If you need time, give yourself time.
Related Questions: I'm a survivor of child physical and sexual abuse: how do I know if I'm really trans, or if these feelings are just something coming from my traumatic background?
How do I come out as nonbinary?I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?Is there any chats/groups/forums specifically for Transgender teens 18 and under?What does it mean to be Queer? I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?How do I come out to my parents?How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?How can I explain homosexuality to my parents?Hi. I’ve had trouble with my family lately. My mom says she supports me-being an enby but won’t call me by my pronouns. And got angry at me now I’m in trouble. Please help?