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I’m bisexual, but not out to my parents. My boyfriend wants me to tell them, but I’m not ready. Is it bad that I don’t want to come out yet?

9 Answers
Last Updated: 02/22/2022 at 2:59pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tanyia Hughes, Adv Dip Psy


I have been through a lot in life too, which helps me to be able to empathize with situations, thoughts and feelings that we have. Sometimes, it's not easy just being human.

Top Rated Answers
June 15th, 2019 12:27pm
Of course it's not bad, coming out is entirely your decision and it's up to you when you're ready, or if you even want to come out at all. You have no obligation to come out and there's no time limit: if you don't want to, you don't have to. There's no reason to force yourself if you're not ready yet. I'm sure your boyfriend feels like it would be a relief for you, to not have to hide that part of yourself, but in the end this is your journey and you can take it at whatever pace you're comfortable with. Coming out is such a personal thing, you don't have to feel bad about not wanting to yet.
October 14th, 2019 9:13pm
Hi also a bisexual so i understand how you feel. It's perfectly okay to not want to tell them yet and you should only tell them when you feel comfortable and safe talking to them about your sexuality. If your boyfriend is pressuring you to tell them then you explain to him that you are simply not ready and you will tell them when you want to not when he wants you too. Do not feel bad or guilty about not being ready its perfectly normal and I'm sure that one day you will be ready. Good luck and I hope that everything goes great for you now and in the future!
October 15th, 2019 10:54pm
Coming out is something that can take time and courage. You should never force yourself to come out; you can even never do it, or only come out to some people (only your friends, only people on the internet, only your family). If you're not ready, it's perfectly okay. Remember to always respect your boundaries. If you feel like the moment isn't right to do it, if you feel unsafe or if you don't want to come out, you don't have to! It doesn't make you any less bisexual, or any less you! Never force yourself to do things you don't want to :)
December 3rd, 2019 5:48pm
No its not his choice its your first off and its not a bad thing you will tell them when you are ready its a big choice to make and you have to tell them at the right time. You will tell them some day but today is not that day be happy and just tell him that your not ready and you will tell them later in life they can wait a little longer to know and love life the way it is be very happy you have him and make sure he knows you need him be happy
May 5th, 2020 11:03am
Pick a good time and place. There may never be "the perfect time," and if there is one, you might lose your nerve and let the opportunity pass — that's ok, don't sweat it. However, do not tell them in the midst of an argument or a family crisis.Parents need time to deal with their self-blame, mourning, guilt, and worry. Sometimes when we come out, we expect our parents to go from 0 to 60 with lightning speed. that things will get better with time — even with parents who initially say those hateful things. In the meantime, stay optimistic and take good care of yourself — and give yourself credit for having the courage to take the risks necessary to live your life honestly and openly.
May 12th, 2020 1:49am
It's a big step, I would nervous to put myself in such a vulnerable place, do it at your own pace. There's not rush, it's your journey. Maybe it could be helpful to talk more about it with one of our listeners. I think feeling pressured to do such a delicate move is not good. Maybe talk about it with your boyfriend. What makes him so eager for you to tell your parents? What could happen if you do tell? pros and cons of it and the same if you don't tell. I would ask myself how would I feel in the future with doing x?
September 29th, 2020 2:39am
This is perfectly normal. Your sexual orientation and your identity is yours to define and announce. Do not feel that others are entitled to control this aspect of your life. If you are not ready to come out to your parents, I understand. This is a struggle many people face; you are not alone. Awaiting your parents' reaction can be really scary. Is there any reason for you to be rushing? Your boyfriend might have your interests at heart, but it is ultimately your choice and you should take your time. It is not bad at all that you don't want to come out :)
January 12th, 2021 2:58am
When you deal with coming out to family, friends, or basically anyone, it should always be on your own terms. Coming out when you're not ready is not worth it, and you shouldn't need to do it simply because someone else wants you to (not even if that someone is a partner who is openly out). It's not selfish or cowardly to not want to come out; the best thing to do is to wait until you are 100% comfortable with yourself. You are the expert on you, and the only one who can say when you should come out.
February 22nd, 2022 2:59pm
Hey! Choosing when and how you want to come out to your parents and the people in your life is a decision that only you should be making. Being in a 'secret' relationship where one partner is closeted definitely presents its struggles, but it's still important to make sure you feel comfortable coming out to your parents first. If you're not ready, then you shouldn't allow your boyfriend to try and pressure you into something that will make you uncomfortable or scared. Do what's best for you, not him! Try talking to him and get him to understand how you feel, and that you don't feel ready yet. - A fellow bisexual