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I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?

177 Answers
Last Updated: 12/26/2021 at 4:51am
I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
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United States
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Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Life poses many challenges. Learning to face, cope with, and resolve these challenges can increase our resilience.

Top Rated Answers
April 5th, 2020 12:43am
Although it may be frustrating or sad that you like someone that doesn't like you back, it's important to remember that she is your best friend and that she would never want to hurt you on purpose. Of course, it is disappointing and feel s hopeless to be in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate the feelings but you should try your best to accept it since you cannot change someone's sexual orientation. If you have told her and she has told you that she doesn't feel the same way just tell her that you will still be her friend either way.
April 8th, 2020 2:21am
Well, you should respect your best friend's sexuality. Everybody has their own will to be of whatever sexuality they want to be. If you attempt to talk to her about the whole situation, and she does not seem like she is comfortable with it, then you should respect that and just ignore that in love feeling furthermore and stick to her as your best friend. If you truly care about your best friend, then you should respect her personal emotions and likings, and that includes sexuality. The answer to the situation is all based on respect for your best friend's sexuality. If she is of a different sexuality, then just respect that at all costs.
April 9th, 2020 7:19pm
Tell her how you feel. she may not feel the same, and it may be awkward, but things will get better, and i'm sure you will remain best friends. I feel the same way. I have liked my best friend for a while now but he is gay. i understand how you feel. maybe try writing her a letter, or sending a text if telling her in person is too difficult. just know you are not alone. 7cups is here to listen and support you 100%. Wish you the best of luck in fulfilling your wishes in 7cups.
April 23rd, 2020 10:01am
I know how this feels, you should follow your heart, but be cautious and careful with what you choose to do. Don't let anxiety get to you, and do not bottle up your feelings either. If you feel you need to talk more about it, you can reach out to an active listener here on 7 cups of tea, or get more advice from those who support you most! Also, sometimes things can seem really stressful when managing those feelings, but if you just take a deep breath and remind yourself it will be alright, then it really will be!
May 6th, 2020 9:23am
I'm sorry, this situation is so common but so painful. There's not much to do, if you're certain she's not interested then you just need to accept that and move on. You could decide to talk to her about it, to let her know how you feel, but I don't recommend that if you want to keep her as a friend. It might just end up causing unwanted tension. You could use the time alone of self-isolation to work on it. A bit of time separated from here will probably help. I hope this is helpful, and hope that you can get over this situation soon. Have a lovely day!
May 9th, 2020 8:00am
There's not a lot you can do. First, are you sure she's straight? If so, you have two options. You can confess to her and face the possibility of your friendship changing and becoming awkward. She might be really cool about it and could just strengthen your relationship. In the best case scenario, even if she's straight she realizes she like you or it turns out she was questions and maybe (hopefully) liked you back. There's a lot of possibilities that could occur if you tell her but if you don't, your friendships stays the same and you slowly move on. You now have to figure out what is more important to you.
June 6th, 2020 8:06am
I've been there, and I know how tough this can be. This will be hard to hear, but you have to force yourself to move on - she's still your best friend, straight or not, and the best chance of continuing to have a good friendship with her is if you don't let your romantic feeling overtake your platonic ones. Remind yourself why you became friends with her while also reminding yourself that she's straight and unavailable. If you need to, try and keep some distance between you for a week or two to help yourself move on. Best of luck! I know it's hard but you'll be okay
June 7th, 2020 8:52am
Before you act in any way, I would take time to reflect on what you want the outcome to be. If you decide you want to tell her how you feel, make sure you are prepared for her reaction. She may not take this well and it could change your friendship forever. If you decide to keep this to not tell her, then maybe talk to others to manage your emotions. Accept how you feel and then try to move on from the situation. These feelings can be difficult to deal with so i think it would be beneficial to talk them through. Warm wishes
July 5th, 2020 6:56am
You could always express your feelings and see if there is any chance that she might feel the same way. You will never know for sure unless you ask/express your feelings for her. If you already know for sure, you have your friendship with her and hopefully she is supportive of you looking for love in the LGBT community. A good friendship can be just as important as a good relationship though. It is difficult to decided what will be best to do in your situation, but you can always evaluate everything and decide on which direction is best to pursue.
July 17th, 2020 1:57am
Try to tell her that you are indeed having feelings towards her, however if you feel that this will strain your relationship possibly try to put yourself in her sure which could be a lot better. She would feel quite awkward and maybe slightly uncomfortable but trust yourself that the feelings will pass. You know your best friend better than anyone else so you will be able to judge how she will react to you telling her if you do like her. Just think and put yourself in her shoes before you say anything to make sure you are both comfortable.
July 30th, 2020 10:22pm
Realize that these emotions are completely normal and many people experience them. Process the emotions and find the best way for you to deal with them. The best way for you might be talking to your best friend about it and trying to get through this together. Or it could be distancing yourself from her until you get over her. It could be something completely different but just know that you will find a way to get through it. Try to imagine the best case scenario in each situation and know that whatever happens at the end of the day she is your best friend and will be understanding.
September 4th, 2020 4:57pm
Oh, it is okay. Let assume that the premise: "She is straight" is true. This mean two thing: 1. People mean different things when they talk about straight. There are biromantic heterosexual people, and on the other end there are heteroromantic bisexual people. You cannot assume that there is a big chance that she does not find you sexually or romantically attractive. 2. Respect her in the name of love. You might never know what her true feelings are, but remember that your crush might be asexual, pansexual,... Maybe she don't even know. The only thing you can ascertain is respect. Pay respect to her, and you would feel loved, regardless.
September 12th, 2020 11:06pm
I completely understand the conflicted feeling you might be suffering from. I know it is tough going through this situation but letting them know would allow you to pour out your feelings and make the best out of you guy's relationship. It doesn't matter whether if she is straight or now, just know that she appreciates you as a person and you guy's relationship. I honestly hope you will feel better after telling her in a way that won't make her feel bad. It is also okay to not tell her too! It's always up to you but remember to not bottle up all the feelings and hurt yourself. Remember that there are always people out there that will find the time to make you feel better and walk with you out of there.
October 16th, 2020 3:16am
I also developed feelings for my straight best friend when I was first discovering my sexuality. She was the prettiest girl and so amazingly funny. We seemed like the perfect match for each other as we were well, best friends. However, no matter how much I talked to her and tried to show her I was interested in, she never reciprocated. It took me awhile to realize that I could never change her sexuality, just how I would never want anyone to change mine. I was in love with her, but I had to realize that my romantic feelings would never be returned. Once I came to that realization, it did hurt, and I did cry many times late at night, but I was able to separate myself from those overwhelming feelings. Sometimes the best thing you can do is understand how she feels towards you, and realize that the best thing you can do is move on.
October 31st, 2020 6:55pm
Ah been there my friend. It’s hard because you love her but she is straight. When I went through this I kept telling myself there is someone that is out there for me even though I don’t know who it is or when I will meet them. It’s alright to feel sad or disappointed about your friend. Friendships are hard they come and go but things always get better. I still am in love with my friend but I have accepted that it isn’t going to happen and just to be glad that I have her as friend. I hope this helps - lion
November 26th, 2020 9:33am
Tell her and let her no that you don't want to ruin your friendship because of that and hope she doesn't find it awkward,she should know that you don't want your friendship to end because of this that you will always be freinds and it doesn't change anything, and if she accepts that and doesn't do anything shes an amazing best friend and u liking doesn't matter to her cause she loves you for you and sees you as her best friend forever and she is willing to ignore the fact that you liker and niy change anything at all
December 25th, 2020 5:22pm
Calm collected communication is always key. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. If they understand but want to stay friends that's great! It's okay to talk about emotions and how they make you feel, but don't confess your feelings like a love drunken sailor. It also depends on how long you've been friends. Remember that friends come and go, but the ones that are most important will find a way to stay in your life! Communication is always key, don't feel sorry for how you feel either. If you want to express your feelings and they don't feel the same way, but they want to continue be friends, then things will work themselves out and your friendship will grow stronger! Good luck out there!
January 27th, 2021 7:44pm
It can be difficult to know how to act or what to do with your feelings when you are in love with someone you have a close preexisting friendship with. If the two of you have not previously shared feelings about it, open communication might be a good place to start. However, if your friend has told you that she is straight or not interested in response to you communicating your feelings to her, it is best to respect her and her wishes. In that case, doing anything else to push your feelings on her could be considered a breach of consent.
January 29th, 2021 1:01am
It is important to respect her sexuality and not expect or pressure her to get with you. However, It can be helpful to tell her how you feel and get your emotions about her out. You never know how things work out so It's important to realize even if you don't get in a relationship things will turn out okay:) It can be hurtful to be rejected and thats okay, things will always get better.It is also hard to stay friends with someone you have more feelings for, and that could confuse your guys friendship. Good luck with whatever happens and at the end of the day I promise you'll be okay!:)
March 4th, 2021 10:38pm
Wait a bit. Sometimes you feel like your in love, but it’s really just a short term crush. If it doesn’t go away then confront her about it. She might have feelings for you, or she might not. If she doesn’t then she might not feel comfortable being your friend anymore, and make sure your willing to that risk before you tell her. She might not be comfortable with being your friend knowing you have feelings for her, and you could find that out a discreet way. You could ask her if she’s be comfortable with another one of her friends having feelings for her, whatever feels right to you!
March 21st, 2021 11:11pm
That is hard. If she isn't attracted to the same gender as you that would make things rather difficult. I imagine it would be a tough thing to go through. However, maybe try being honest. You never know- maybe she has some secrets as well! you never know, but please please make sure you are mentally prepared that she may not feel the same way, though it is always good, to be honest! don't jump right to telling them if you arent ready- only if you think you can accept her honest answer in return. in the end, it is all about how you are feeling about all of this, this is just my personal opinion.
May 12th, 2021 12:43am
Honesty is more important than anything else. If you feel like you are safe in telling her this, reach out and tell her, then decide together what the next best steps are for your friendship. Some friendships require distancing after information like that is shared, but others may still be okay with spending time together even though the news that has been shared can be overwhelming. It is also important to remember to give your friend grace through the time of revealing and making this decision because it is not an easy decision to make and sometimes it can be greatly overwhelming for a person. Regardless of the outcome, you should make sure to be honest and open with your friend about your feelings regardless of the outcome.
July 23rd, 2021 2:43pm
I would express those feelings in a calm manner, not approaching her so quick or hesitant. let her know and also letting her know that you respect her boundaries if she does not feel the same way. If you were to suppress your feelings then you will only feel miserable and trapped inside. Let your friend know that you respect her decision, her view points and also that you still want to be friends. It may be hard to be spending time with your best friend and also have feelings for her. That is where you decide if spending so much time will be healthy for you or not because I know deep within you, you want more than that.
August 26th, 2021 10:18am
If you like her, you wish her all the best, and friendship is one of the best gifts of life. If it's hard to be near your friend without feeling sad, perhaps you may want to share with her and explain why you can't be friends anymore. Or if she will help you and even find someone with you who can reciprocate your feelings, it's wonderful. Remember, she may be unique, but so are you, and someone who loves you romantically will appear too =) The most important is for you to know there's no blame on either party, and friendship may be as cherished as love ^^
September 23rd, 2021 4:14pm
how do you feel when thinking of expressing your feelings to her? not expressing your feelings is a guaranteed way of never being in relationship with her and will always end up making yourself feeling anxious, uncomfortable, sad, hurt when she is around. but there is at least a chance when you express it. a chance for an answer, a chance to finally feel free of anxious or fearful thoughts of her acceptance or rejection. What's most important is you to feel comfortable, happy and at ease, even when you are around her. an open and clear communication may lead to her acceptance or continuation of a good friendship with better understanding of each other. either way, expressing your feelings to her in an open and clear way seems to be the best first step one can take.
September 29th, 2021 11:40am
This is okay. Coming from personal experience it’s okay to express how you feel and to let everything out because what if she secretly feels the same way about you? Never hide your emotions or feelings because you don’t want to end up getting hurt in the process. This causes little, petty arguments, miscommunication, and sadness. You don’t want to loose your friend over something you can express to them. If she doesn’t feel the same way about you she’ll tell you the truth and not judge you. A real friend is understanding and will not make fun of you. You’ve got this! Just stay positive and express how you feel. You’ll feel a lot better, I know it!
December 26th, 2021 4:51am
Super excited to answer this question, as I was in the same situation as you. First, identify the possibilities of what happens if you were to tell her. It might lead to a relationship (a lasting one or one that ends in a broken heart), a broken friendship, her brushing it off, etc. Now think if you are willing to endure. If you are not willing to risk the friendship you have right now, then keeping it to yourself and figuring out how to move on might be best. Another thing that I forget to consider when I did this was how our friends would take this development. There is a possibility for drama there, because of jealousy and how you guys will choose and love each other over your friend. The relationship will change the dynamic of the friend group. If you are willing to risk it all for a chance to be with her, be straight up. Be vulnerable, confident, honest, and clear. Give her time and space to reflect. This might come as a shock to her and can be confusing. Try not to pressure her. Trust me if you take that risk, the relationship could be sooooo worth it. However, depending on friends, families, beliefs, and experiences, it could be a tough road to go down. Best of luck to you!