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I'm not sure if I'm straight but I don't want to come out if I take it back in the future. What should I do?

17 Answers
Last Updated: 06/21/2021 at 12:22am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, BSc Psychology (Honours)


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
December 5th, 2016 11:45pm
First, I believe that sexuality can be fluid, you may change in the future and with you your sexuality may change too. I don't think this is a bad thing or that it invalidates your past sexuality because it is a part of you and that makes it valid. Now, you are confused about your sexuality and this is completely okay. A lot of people are going through this right now, regardless their age, gender... You are not alone. I think you should try and give yourself some time to figure thing out, but don't rush it. Everyone has their own pace. And as for coming out, I believe that coming out is not something you should do to make your sexuality valid or if you feel unsafe, you should make it because you want it. So if you really want to do it, here's a tip: sexuality is something fluid (yes, again). Not only because it can change with time, but because you don't have to be 100% straight or gay or asexual or anything. You can tell people that you don't know if you're straight, you can tell people that you are confused and that is still coming out. For example, I know people someone that was straight, then bi and then gay, and other that was lesbian and then bi. What I'm trying to say is that being confused is part of your sexuality and you don't have to define 100% yourself to come out. You can do that whenever you want. I hope this helps you a little bit and regarless of you personal situation know that I support you. Lots of hugs xx
December 9th, 2016 2:42am
Sexuality is fluid, which means it can change over time. There is no shame in feeling not-straight now, and there is no shame in feeling straight in the future. Try to limit pressures on your future self to line up with your current self. How you feel right now is valid, and if coming out is safe and makes you more comfortable in your identity, you can do so if you would like, and you can also rest assured that you will be able to change in the future if that happens. Change is natural in all things, even when cultural norms suggest otherwise.
December 5th, 2016 2:25am
The thing about sexuality is that it's very fluid. If you come out as something now, but find that label doesn't fit you in the future, that doesn't make you any less valid. It's hard to figure out, because nobody can tell you what it's like to feel a certain way, but no matter how you identify, you are valid! Your sexuality is allowed to change overtime, and if you feel you want to come out now, then that decision is entirely up to you
December 6th, 2016 5:18pm
Every person's coming out experience is different. My best advice is from a YouTuber named Amanda. She says, "You shouldn't come out to people until you've fully come out to yourself". It's okay to question and be confused, it's a part of life! You may feel you're straight one day, and then the next day you realize you're totally bisexual. And that's okay! Coming out and finding your identity takes a long time, and you may grow and change out of certain things! Whatever happens, remember that labels and titles do not define you, and that no matter what, you are an incredible and valued person.
May 2nd, 2017 10:43am
There is no rush. Do it when you feel comfortable. Don't do it if you aren't comfortable yet. Take your time and figure yourself out and then take the decision.
October 17th, 2017 8:24pm
This Is a very tough but common question. In my opinion, what makes you happy now is the most important. If you come out as gay and you are happy, that's great. But if you are not happy, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from being straight again. Feel no shame for exploring your own happiness. Not trying is worse than trying. In any situation at all, trying something to improve your life and make yourself happy is a beautiful and exciting thing. Never be afraid to listen to yourself, and take no judgment on yourself if you make wrong decisions because that is what humans do. If you ever feel upset or confused about anything, I am here to listen and talk to you as a caring friend. You are never alone
May 22nd, 2018 1:24pm
Come out, if that's what you feel like you should do. That's who you are right now in the present. Identity can be fluid, and if whoever you come out to truly loves you for who you are, they won't mind you exploring your identity.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
June 17th, 2019 7:38pm
Our sexuality is, utlimately, simply what we feel we are. It's not always easy to find it out, but exploring our own feelings, picturing ourselves with people of different genders and paying attention to our emotions and sensations in response to those scenarios, can help us understanding. If this process leads you to identify with a certain orientation, that is who you are. People rarely take it back, because our orientation is something innate in us, and once we've found it out, it's not likely we'll feel differently about it in the future. However, whatever happens in the future, you have all the rights to share your identity with other people and tell them who you are right now. It's not wise to neglect who we are in the present because of assumptions we make about the future, that may or may not become true. Coming out is not mandatory, of course, but if you believe it would make you feel better to share your identity with other people, than it's the best thing to do. Feel free to live the present!
October 20th, 2020 3:37pm
you and only you can define you sexuality! If you want to come out as anything then perhaps the best thing to do would be to come out as "questioning". I've been there and I know that it can be confusing. If you don't think you're straight and then you later you realize that you are straight then thats ok and it doesn't make you any less valid! I hope you can figure it but just know that you don't have to have all the answers and you have your whole life ahead of you to figure it out!
February 20th, 2017 5:25am
It's okay to not feel sure. You don't have to commit to being one thing or the other, nor feel bad about what you want or how you feel. We're allowed to change our minds. We're allowed to try out different things and see what makes us happy. We're allowed to be happy despite those who judge.
March 27th, 2017 3:24pm
I think the first step that you want to do is explore more, you don't have to come out even if you are sure. Exploring yourself is always a great as you get to see things in different perspective, differently and even if after so you realise that you are straight, its your life and you know what's best for you. So just keep be your authentic self and dont worry about label
February 12th, 2018 8:59pm
Wait until you’re ready, I found it helpful to come out to in person while I was still figuring it all out cos then it seemed like less of a secret
May 8th, 2017 4:34am
It is often that people may question thier sexuality. If you are thinking of coming out, make sure you are in a safe environment in which you can do so. On the other hand, not coming out is just fine. You should always wait until you are sure to label yourself as something (gay, straight, bisexual, etc.), but it is normal to be unsure. You should take your time deciding what you want. Experiment in different areas to find out what you prefer. Don't be afraid to try something new.
May 22nd, 2017 3:18am
You can come out now an figure out that you're straight later. It's called a phase and it's ok to go through several sexualities before you land on the right one.
June 12th, 2018 6:30pm
You should try and figure out your feelings. Take your time thinking about what you truly are interested in, and choose what you want to do then.
January 22nd, 2019 4:08am
People mature and change throughout their lives. I originally thought I was Bisexual, but when I found out about asexuality, then that is what I identified as. Most people don't think much of Asexuality because it is so rare, being only about 1-2% of the population. I never know if or when I might change my sexuality because sexuality can be fluid. I suggest you say that you are straight until proven otherwise, or you could say Bisexual. Either way, you can change your sexual orientation as you grow up and mature. Your choice, either way.
June 21st, 2021 12:22am
Figuring yourself out first is best, find out and explore what you like, reminder not being straight isn’t something that you need to announce unless you’re comfortable, and if you want to tell people you arent straight, and you feel as if you need to take it back, that is also ok! Your decisions belong to you and you only, no one had a say in it. I believe this is something you need to figure out first, because it takes a lot to determine what you like, so do that before anything, but if you feel like sharing it now, then do so, its ok to.