Is being gay something you have to know early or is it possible to find out your gay after 20?
Last Updated: 01/05/2021 at 11:58pm
Parvathy Venugopal, MSc in Clinical psychology
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It's a hard question, I believe it can happen both ways. everyone is different, sometimes we only understand things really late. sometimes we get lost or confused. its all normal to feel that way
Sexuality and gender identity are tricky. It's not unusual at all to find our you're gay after 20. Some people don't figure it out until they are in their winter years, so in your 20s is still pretty early on in the grand scheme of things!
I think that discovering this aspect of yourself can come at any point in life, regardless of what anybody tells you. I came out to my mother in my second year of high school and I was met with reluctance because apparently, it is something that 'you can tell' at an early age. The moment at which I found out I was bisexual didn't make me straight or any less valid.
There's no specific age for discovering your sexuality - it happens earlier for some and later for others, and it's ok anyway! If you feel like your sexuality is different than what you thought, then you're free to identify with whatever describes you best. You're not "less gay" if it takes you more time than others to find out, everyone has a different path, your identity is valid!
I'm a lesbian and I found out at 22. Everyone is different. My girlfriend who is a butch lesbian, gayest woman i've ever met, found out at 21.
It varies from person to person. Some people know early on, some people don't realize until later. There's no right way to be gay, and exploring your sexual orientation is a deeply personal journey.
There was once a case where a woman in her 60's didnt know she was a lesbian until she was nearly 50. Your sexuality is never something that has to be immediately discovered.
You don't have to know it at any time. Sometimes you just don't really experiment early or try anything new, so you don't know. Or you just don't really notice it too much. But your sexuality is yours and yours alone. Its not like someone can say "nope, you've only been gay for a month so it doesn't count." It doesn't matter when, or how.
Realising your sexuality does not always happen at an early age, there are lots of people who take their time in figuring their sexuality out. There can be enough stress in realising this, try not to worry too much on how long it has taken. Be kind to yourself and build that confidence in who you are, know you have lots of people in your corner supporting you! :) There are lots of people who take their time, they have experiences in their lives that help them realise who they are as a person. There is not fault in understanding your sexuality at an older age.
I believe that knowing you're gay can manifest at different times in one's life. I only realized my same sex attraction later in high school. Everyone's life experiences are different and thus, so are our discoveries. Moreover, attraction is different within everyone as well which makes things more difficult to properly understand or consequently 'know'. Therefore, you do not have to know it early. It is important to remember that finding your identity is not a competition with others and instead for yourself. Finding your identity is part of life - you may find it early but don't feel rushed. You have your whole life ahead of you.
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