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is it easier to know your sexuality after having sex?

4 Answers
Last Updated: 07/20/2020 at 10:28pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
December 22nd, 2017 7:33pm
Not necessarily, but it certainly does help though, to experiment with things such as sex. See what you do, and don't like. But remember, sexuality is a vast and confusing thing, and it's totally okay to never quite be sure of what your sexuality is. Sometimes we experience different things, with different people, so please be mindful of that.
scenicJoy56
February 27th, 2018 6:42am
I think that having sex can actually muddle things a little bit. Sexuality is about sex to a degree but it’s more about feelings, attraction and hormones. Really knowing your sexuality takes really knowing yourself. It can be as simple as following your gut or as difficult as really spending a lot of time getting to know yourself and doing some soul searching. The most important thing is to wait to have sex until you’re ready, and sometimes that takes knowing what you want first. I really hope you take some time to get to know yourself, sweetheart. Best of luck ❤️
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
February 27th, 2018 11:23pm
Your sexuality is simply what you feel you are, what you identify with. It's not necessary to have sex to determine your orientation: if you feel sexual attraction towards a certain gender, you don't need to do anything to "prove" it. It's a personal choice: if you think it's helpful, and if you feel like experimenting may help you clarify things, then you can do it. But there is no universal path to discover one's own sexuality, just follow what your heart and your desire tell you, and whatever you'll feel you are, will be who you are. Wheter you should experiment or not during the questioning process is entirely up to you, and both options are fine.
Anonymous
July 20th, 2020 10:28pm
To be honest, I don't really think so. I don't think sex will help you learn anything you couldn't have learned about yourself in other ways, and I also don't think it will clarify things as much as one might think. That's not to say that sex doesn't teach you about your preferences, both physical and emotional, in a relationship, because it absolutely does. But sex with another person doesn't change, or even reveal, what you enjoy, or who you're attracted to. There are plenty of people in this world who get married, committing to spending their life with another person, without ever having sex first. These people are able to know who they love and are attracted to, before certain physical acts. In fact, those physical acts seem to fall into place, when the emotional level of comfort, connection, and understanding is present. Ultimately, deep down, we all know our own sexualities. That doesn't mean it's not confusing, or it won't take time, trial, or error to figure them out. But what having sex won't change anything, or reveal any sudden truth. Sexuality is confusing, so hang in there. Keep learning about yourself and reflecting on who you are. Those things will teach you just as much about yourself as sex will, I promise.