Just because I am bisexual doesnt mean I want to be with just anyone, how do I make that clear to my friends that tease me?
Last Updated: 11/26/2018 at 2:58am
Lianne Kirby, MA in Counselling Psychology
I believe everyone should have the opportunity for their voice to be heard. I use a trauma informed, person centred approach in counselling.
Top Rated Answers
While it's true that being bisexual everyone could have the potential to be interesting to you, it hardly means that everyone will be a match. Try to call on their own experiences with being interested in and matching with people of their gender of choice - would it hold true for them that because they like guys in general it means they'd like to partner up with every guy passing through? This could make it easier to understand for them as it's on a more personal level.
It's worth trying to explain this seriously to your friends to start with, but sometimes people who haven't has a lot of experience just don't listen, how about pretending that they like every single boy/girl they talk to and then they might understand how you're feeling. Alternatively you could say that, for you, gender is like hair colour: there are some people who only fancy blondes and some who only fancy brunettes, and then some who aren't worried about hair colour, but just because they aren't worried about hair colour doesn't mean they fancy everyone, it just means they look at other things in a potential partner. Biphobia is often based on lack of experience or knowledge so just being patient but firm with your friends should do the trick and hopefully turn them into your most helpful supporters. Good luck and stay strong! (:
I'm not bisexual myself, but I have many friends who are. One in particular was getting a lot of grief from her friends about her willingness to date "anyone," presumably because she identified as bisexual. She's very easygoing and would normally laugh it off, but at one point she stopped the banter and said, "Guys, I know this is just a joke, but I want you all to know that just because I'm bi doesn't mean I don't have standards. After all, you don't see me chasing any of you lot." It was an amusing way to make her point clear, and because it was a teasing response it didn't make it awkward for everyone else. It was pointed but in good humor, and I can attest that it was effective!
Try to make a comparison between them and yourself.Point out that they would not like to be with anyone who is the opposite sex (or same if they are homosexual) just because they are the sex they are attracted to.Try to make them see that the same thing goes for you,and no one is attracted to everyone.
A good method is to point at a random person that matches their sexuality and ask if they want to be with that person since their sexuality allows it. Just because a person is capable of liking certain genders doesn't mean that they *have* to like anyone in that gender. Hope that helps!
I personally would outline the kind of person/people i'm attracted to so they know that you don't want to date anyone.
It may help to make comparisons - for example, does your friend want to be with just _any_ person of the gender(s) they are attracted to? You could even reference a handful of examples of people of that gender and ask, "want to be with them? with them? with them?" and then explain that, similarly, you have specific types of people that you are attracted to. It's just that these types are not restricted by gender, although they may be different for different genders (ex: being attracted to masculine women and feminine men, or something else like men who are emotionally supportive and patient, and women who are very independent and empowered). If they still refuse to be respectful or don't understand, you may need to explain that it is hurtful for them to think you want to be with anyone and everyone just because you are bisexual. On that grounds alone, a friend should support you and change how they speak to and about you once they know it is hurtful and unkind.
I've had to deal with a lot of backlash when I came out to people as pansexual, so I understand the teasing --and it hurts. A big part that helped me was to tell someone just like anyone else--- straight, gay, lesbian, etc.. just because you happen to be bisexual does not mean you're attracted to everyone. Like any other person you have your preferences in what you like in a person. Just because you're attracted to both males and females doesn't change that fact.
Make sure you are clear with them and tell them that this is a serious subject. Being pansexual myself, I feel that no-one takes me seriously. But you just need to sit them down and tell them about it. Tell them you don't want to just be with anyone. I hope this helps. :) Keep smiling and stay positive!
I am bisexual as well and I would say that you respect yourself and you don't want to be with just anyone. Stand your ground and speak your mind.
You made it pretty clear right there! It sounds like the problem is not so much that your friends don't understand that you're choosy, as that they don't understand that you don't want to be teased about your orientation.
Ask your friends if they would be with a certain undesired person of the gender they're attracted to (someone they don't find attractive). Then you can explain that, just like with monosexuality, just because you have the capacity to be attracted to all genders, doesn't mean you're attracted to everyone of all genders. After all, your straight friends aren't attracted to every boy or girl they know, are they? :)
Well I am bisexual myself and have been in your position when it comes to no one understanding. It's like people think that if you're bisexual then you prey after every boy and girl imaginable. Well obviously that is not true. Most people only tease bisexuals because they don't fully understand what being bisexual even means. One of the most common mistakes people say are, "Woah, you're bisexual which means that you have double the chance of getting a date." Which isn't true. Explain to your friends that bisexuals are only attracted to about the same amount of people that straight people are attracted to. Just because we like both males and females doesn't mean we like every boy and girl.
Unfortunately, a lot of bisexual people deal with being stereotyped in the way you described and I'm sorry you're going through that. I had a similar experience, and in my situation I found it was best to talk to the people who were teasing me about it. Sometimes people tease others because of a lack of understanding. What you can do is tell them how you feel and educate them on what being bisexual means. This link gives examples of common misunderstandings about bisexuality and how to answer them: http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/bisexuality Good luck! :)
Why not try telling them about it. Help them to understand. Stay calm and patient not everyone understands at first.
Suggest that you are looking for a real relationship, or the one person that just clicks. That not just anybody fits your personality.
You just tell them, you let them know exactly who you are and what you prefer. If they don't get it or don't want to accept it or get it, then don't worry about it. They don't run your life, nor how you conduct your romantic life. If they want to tease you about it, then do not surround yourself around those who will not get a simple notion that you live your life your way and if they don't like it they can simply leave. There is nothing wrong with you and what you chose to make you happy in life.
You can say that you're bi, and then if they say anything you can say "But just because I am bi, doesn't mean I want to go out and date anyone, I'm just like you in that sense. My sexuality doesn't automatically make me want to start dating people"
Well, straight men aren't attracted to every woman they see are they? And straight women aren't attracted to every man they see. Same with your sexuality. Just because you're attracted to both genders doesn't mean you want to be with everyone you lay eyes on.
Well tell them how you feel, or explain that you want to be either gender. Let them know you don't just want anyone.
Get new and better friends, then keep new and better friends close. Your new and better friends will love and accept you for who you are.
This prejudice about bisexuality is unfortunately very widespread, but like many misjudgements, it's mainly due to lack of knowledge. It's easy to accept a distorted idea on something you ignore, and bisexuality is a topic that people are rarely familiar with. It may take some patience, but if they're willing to listen, you can open up with them and help them understand better what bisexuality means and how bisexual people feel. It can help to compare it with other orientation, since the principle is the same: an heterosexual man won't just be attracted to any woman he sees and go with any woman, so why should it be different for bisexuals, even if the numer of people they could potentially be attracted to is higher? Maybe the just need to get familiar with this way of thinking the no one has ever proposed to them before.
First off they aren’t your friends if they belittle your sexuality and tease you for it, second off, why does it matter to you if they can’t see that just because you have a different sexuality than them means that you will just go out with anyone. Being bisexual doesn’t make you available to everyone, you are still a human being that has feelings you want to be loved!
Well, what I did was tell them straight out. Plain and simple, just say exactly what you put in this question. Tell them that you want to be in a good relationship, just like straight people. Tell them how you feel about the teasing. And if you have made it very, very clear, and they keep teasing you, then perhaps it is time to look for some new friends. But hopefully, it won't get to that. Hopefully, they will accept you. When you tell someone exactly how you feel, it avoids more hurt and misunderstanding than trying to ease your way around your thoughts.
You should explain that you are just like them. There are people you find attractive and there are people you don't. You fall in love, just like them, but it necessarily does not have to be with only people from one gender. This does not mean you'd like to be with anyone, it just means that you do not mind whether it's a boy or a girl. For example, your friends may be attracted to girls/boys with blonde hair the same as brown hair. This does not mean that they like anyone with brown hair or blonde hair, it just means that they like both types of hair colour.
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