My boyfriend just told me he thinks he’s bisexual. That he’s attracted to dicks but doesn’t really know what that means. I’m 23 and we’ve been sexual for 10 years on off. How do I understand this?
Last Updated: 11/30/2021 at 5:21am
Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
Top Rated Answers
Being bisexual doesn't necessarily mean you need to have experience with all the genders you are attracted to. Your boyfriend still loves you, and precisely becomes he trust you so much, he decided to share this part of him with you. Being attracted to men doesn't mean he'll have to be with a men, love is love, it is stronger than any other feeling. I encourage you to talk about it, to invite him to share his thoughts and feelings, so you can understand him better, and embrace this part of him. Make sure you also talk about your relationship and continue working to keep it strong. Dialogue and trust is the key. This will be a chance to get to know him better and to strengthen your relationship. Feel free to ask him anything you don't understand or are unsure about, I'm sure he'll be glad to explain his reality and get to know him better!
In this case, it may mean he's simply bi-curious. It doesn't mean that he's not sexually attracted to you anymore.
Personally, as a bisexual girl in a long-term heterosexual relationship, I think it just means it's a part of him that won't negatively impact your relationship. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong or that you don't satisfy him. As human beings, even while we're in relationships, we can be physically attracted to other people while having no desire to pursue them. Perhaps he thought a movie character was attractive, or a cute guy he saw on the street. Or maybe he's thought about this for a long time. But that shouldn't take away from his relationship with you. Just because bisexual people can have attraction to other genders doesn't lessen the attraction we have for our partner. It just means that we can be physically and/or emotionally attracted to someone else if things went differently. Right now, I don't think it's anything to worry about. I
Being bisexual means that you are attracted to both males and females sexually, It shouldn't change your relationship as he is still sexually attracted to females. He is still the same person only now he better understands himself. Just support him through this discovery. Nothing has changed! Just because he has found out now doesn't mean he suddenly doesn't value this relationship or that he has to find someone new who would fit his sexuality. He loves you enough to tell you and hasn't changed whatsoever! Just keep doing what you've been doing together and it will be fine. He's still attracted to you, don't worry!
First of all, don't get mad on him. It's not his fault in this. You should feel happy that he is so full of courage that he disclosed this to you.it takes a tub full of guts. Now, coming to the point, he has a right to live his life on his terms, you have to understand that if he is bisexual, there's no fault.you should counsel him that it's okay to feel like that and make him believe that it will change nothing between you two. And moreover, you shouldn't separate yourself from him, become his strength, it's a hard time for him
I'm going to assume due to the phrasing that your boyfriend is attracted to penises, but not men, and that his attraction to the male appendage doesn't mean he's not attracted to a woman's organ either. It could be a variety of things, but I'm going to start with him possibly demisexual, with him finding penises attractive but unable to reach an emotional connection strong enough for him to be attracted to a man. It could also be a case of self attraction, he finds his own member attractive, and he's identified what he loves about his penis, and now he identifies the same in other men's penises. I've been in both of these headspaces and have concluded that I can appreciate a good looking cock, and I'm attracted to one, but I'm also repelled by those the appendage is attached to, so I stick to being hetero and demi, and if anything, a bit autosexual. It could also be a fetish in which he is attracted to people in bodies that appear to be feminine but have an elegant phallus attached at the groin, and he's embarrassed to tell you or hasn't come to that conclusion. And the last option I can think of is that he's attracted by the sexual acts the penis performs, and is possibly interested in them being done to him, he might not be attracted to dicks themselves, but instead aroused by being treated in the way he presumably treats you, in which case he might not be looking for the real thing, and a toy would be what he desires.
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