Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why are people questioning if being gay was a choice?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 06/16/2020 at 8:37am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amanda Wiginton, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Now is the time to make a change! Professional, empathic, and compassionate therapist waiting to help you make healthy life changes.

Top Rated Answers
June 17th, 2015 7:13am
The people who think homosexuality is a choice are not gay, and therefore they can't ever fully understand what it means to be gay. Through the spread of misinformation & bigotry, they have cultivated the belief that heterosexuality is the default setting, and anything that deviates from it is a choice. They have a fundamental misunderstanding of how sexuality works.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
April 24th, 2018 7:48pm
Because any orientation different from their own is a reality they don't know, and ignorance can lead to wrong conclusions. They see that the union of a man and a woman's body is the only one that is fit for reproduction, and they believe it's the default nature of all people, and anything else is a choice. But human sexuality doesn't work like that. If they don't acknowledge it, that's because they never bothered listening with an open mind to someone who experiences the reality of homosexuality. There are also people who were just raised with these prejudice by their family and people around them, but they could change their mind if given the chance to get to know this reality better and to listen to what gay people really feel. We should never lose hope that people who believe homosexuality is a choice will one day accept the truth!
June 17th, 2015 11:34pm
I believe people are questioning this because it's come around so quickly. We went from jailing gays to having pride parades really quickly. Straight people think that since there are so many gays coming out all at once that it's some kind of fad. It's not, but they don't understand. All they know is that they're attracted to the opposite sex, and any other possibility is new. I'm not excusing them, they need to learn the truth, but I believe that's their reasoning.
March 8th, 2015 11:56am
Because the don't understand. We don't teach about sexaul psychologi in schools and in some cultures no one talks about. It is not there choice what culture there born in. If you know the truth then you are lucky, you were born in a good place.
April 14th, 2015 3:31pm
At this point we don't have scientific proof that people are born gay or straight or somewhere in between. So that leaves the topic open to debate (though unfortunately not everyone is willing to accept scientific evidence anyway). It is very difficult to study this topic effectively (there are some research studies, but the area is by no means complete). However, regardless of whether being gay is nature, nurture or choice it shouldn't matter. We are all equal.
May 3rd, 2015 8:57pm
Because there is no definite proof either way right now. Frankly, I feel both positions are wrong. Being gay is not a frivolous choice like, 'oh, i'm going to be gay now'. It's rarely (if ever) a conscious decision. However, it is unlikely they will ever find a 'gay gene' (I hope not! Realize they never search for a 'straight gene'. The search for gay biological determinants is rooted in a pathologization of homosexuality (and relies upon many harmful binary ideas about gender, sexuality, and gender expression) It doesn't account for the great diversity of sexualities and desires). In reality, sexual orientation is likely a combination of biological predisposition and environmental factors that are set very early in life. However you wish to believe, know that your sexuality is yours to own. Just be safe and consensual, and it's all good. You'll find people to accept you for who you are. :)
May 30th, 2015 5:33pm
Well it can be that a lot of the people that question you about that don't understand it well. Or has never been educated on the topic and its helpful to shad some light on it and let them know a little about our life style.
August 3rd, 2015 7:10pm
Because some people just aren't educated on it. So they make assumptions that they don't really know.
August 24th, 2015 10:07am
Probably because it is something new to them. Heterosexual people who were never exposed to anything other than binary genders and straight relationships find it hard to believe that others could like people of their own gender. Due to religious or social influences they think the natural orientation of a human being is heterosexual. It's like left-handedness, only more sensitive and very much more hostile.
August 25th, 2015 1:44pm
Human beings are wired to be always curious. Our need to know or understand everything around us is the reason why.
September 8th, 2015 2:50pm
They want it to be a choice, because that would make it easier to excuse their hatred of people for it.
September 21st, 2015 6:21am
Honestly, it's because they believe it would give them an excuse to discriminate against gay people.
November 30th, 2015 8:30pm
I think people are still questioning being gay because of the negative connotation and stigma that is placed around it. Even though it's 2015 and times are changing it can still be really hard for some people, whether it be for religious reasons, unsupportive family, etc.
December 29th, 2015 2:14pm
"She makes me turn gay," or "I'll go gay for him," are phrases not uncommon to see. Even though it's 2015-16, people still say that. Also, many cultures forbid homosexuality, which automatically makes conservative people think that everyone is programmed straight... Because, y'know; "God makes no mistakes".
April 11th, 2016 2:23am
Because most people see being gay as like picking your favorite gender and deciding that you like only guys or you like only girls, most people don't know that it's not a choice and in fact you are basically born gay
January 15th, 2018 11:59pm
It is often harder for heterosexual people to fully grasp how it feels to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, as it has always been the societal norm. Though most people now know that it isn't a choice, a handful of people still have old-fashioned values that could be seen as out-dated.
May 21st, 2018 7:35am
Because they think it is, we LGBT need to make them understand ( without being mean ) that it's not a choice, that we're like this and that we can change, with time they will understand it, you know it's like some vegetables, like you hate tomato but your friend tell you that she love it, she always loved tomato but you can't understand this, because for you it's not goot but she still " choose " to eat it, well she just like know what i mean. Don't worry, just give time to people, they will understand.
July 16th, 2018 7:56am
Sometimes people dont understand. Try to make them understand and if they dont want to then dont bother. Continue your happy life.
January 7th, 2020 4:56am
It depends what you mean by questioning. I think asking questions and general curiosity is good, as long as the person asking listens with an opened mind. I think people question this because they are confused and don't understand.
June 16th, 2020 8:37am
because more and more people are coming out these days. These days homophobia does exist but it has decreased. People think it is a 'trend' which is not true. Homosexuality means emotional, sexual or romantic attraction towards people of the same gender. In older times, people were discriminated more often on basis of their sexuality but now we have an LGBTQ+ pride. Now people are supporting us and more and more people are coming out of the closets. So they think, or perhaps misunderstand that Homosexuality is a choice and we are like this because it is something 'cool'. They must understand that homosexuality is as normal as heterosexuality and there is more to love than reproduction(which homophobic people say and believe).