Why can't my family and peers just accept that I was born into the wrong body?
Last Updated: 09/30/2019 at 1:03am
Temi Coker, MSC, MA, Dip.Cons
Licensed Professional Counselor
With over ten years experience, I offer a safe and confidential environment for you to collect your thoughts, worries & life problems with no judgement or assumptions.
Top Rated Answers
We are stereotyped in life from the time we draw our first breath. As soon as a baby is born the first thing that the doctor tells the Parents is whether it's a boy or a girl and she holds onto that notion tight, so do all the relatives that buy cute clothes for the baby and shower him with presents. This baby is already trapped but he/she isn't conscious about it yet.. By the time he/she grows up, it's too late. Everyone has their set opinions and they won't budge, they've seen you a certain way for so long that they start to think you're playing a sick joke on them when you say you don't feel right in your body. Friends are usually peers in the same age group who have always felt right in their body, they have a hard time relating to the fact that you don't feel comfortable with yours. They think you're just emotionally distressed when you say that you don't like the way you feel in your body. Neither your family or peers realize the feeling of dread you feel when you wake up every morning in a body that just doesn't feel right. They can't understand because they haven't experienced it and it's wrong on their part to not even try. They don't know that NOTHING is more uncomfortable than being UNCOMFORTABLE in your own skin. I think they will never be able to identify fully with what an individual born in the wrong body struggles with but if they love you with, acceptance on their part will come. It will be enough. Don't give up. If you lose all your friends and your family shrinks back, try to explain to them how it is for you, more than once. After a while, you'll figure out the tight group of people that really love you, that stay around because they care about you, the rest were excess baggage anyway. Lastly, even if you don't belong with your family and current set of friends, you will find a set of people that are yours, where you fit in, who simply understand. It takes time.
Many people do not understand or comprehend the complexities of gender identity. Being a member of the LGBTQA+ community often carries these stigmas, especially for trans people, the world isn't quite sure how to treat you yet.
When talking about being a boy or being a girl most people are confused or set in their ways. People need to understand that sex and gender are totally separate. Not about who you want to go to bed WITH, but who you want to go to bed AS. You happiness does not depend on their acceptance. Your happiness depends on your acceptance of who you are. Don't let anyone tell you differently
That's probably due to cultural prejudice and/or to a close-minded upbringing. They don't accept it because they can't understand it. Though I know it's hard, it would be good to try and involve everyone you can in discussions about it, where you explain what it means to be like you, provide them with some good resources for reference and leaning, and maybe they'll ask you questions. Not everyone will be willing to give you a chance and listen, but it's worth trying for those who are. And never forget you can always find support with inclusive friends and local LGBT groups!
For people who are not in that sitution, it can be very hard to understand. That is why we should talk to them in a matter we would want to be talked to too. We should be nice and explain with facts. We should be open and go our way, show them studies and describe our situation. But even though your way to acceptance can be hard: Don't let others bring you down!
Gender identity is notoriously difficult for most people to comprehend. Have you tried educating your family on this topic? Maybe you could show them websites etc to help them understand better? I hope that you can work with your family to heal how you feel at the minute - and that they can learn to understand how you feel. Good luck
They might have been raised to think that it is wrong or unnatural. Some people are religious and don't believe in it. You must remain strong.
It's a hard thing for them to get their heads around. They'll come around eventually (mine did) it just takes some time for them to reajust
They don't understand. You know who you are, which is amazing hun. No matter what you do there is going to be this hostility and judgement that kills you anyways. Sometimes fear holds people back
Some people don't understand this concept. Its best to give them a little time. A lot of people haven't been exposed to things like this, which results in their close-minded way of thinking. They haven't experienced it, so they don't understand. Good luck!
When you are born almost unconsciously your family project feelings and thoughts of what they see for you, often it's nice things, "Oh he will be intelligent, and have an amazing career etc" "She is so beautiful she could have any man she wants when she is older" "I can't wait to take him to his first ball game" When suddenly that thought is challenge, it can be hard for people to accept. Maybe Dad was waiting for you to grow up and give you to your future husband at the altar, to watch his little girl grow up. Now you are saying you are not a girl, you were born into the wrong gender. All his dreams for you are fading and that would be hard to accept, his dreams in time will change and soon, it will be maybe "I can't wait to meet my sons future wife/husband, I can watch him grow into a man" Time heals all wounds, just as much as you are changing yourself, people are changing around you to meet the new you, they don't know what to expect, how different you might become or not. Given time they will learn to love or accept you for you.
Maybe they think you weren't or they wish it wasn't true but just be yourself no matter what anyone says your you don't change that
People have a hard time understand things that they don't personally go through. Sometimes they don't want to see that you've changed from how they used to perceive you. Sometimes they deny it because they want to thing that they know you and this change for them is shocking.
Sometimes people can't understand an experience they've never had. Sometimes it can be hard for people who are set in their way of thinking to change, however hopefully with time, we can make them understand the unique experience. Something to always remember is that regardless of how they feel, you are VALID and deserve love just as much as anyone. Though it can be difficult when others don't understand, you have to remember that THEY are the ones who need to change, not you. You should always be safe, but don't change who you are in order to appease someone who doesn't deserve your love.
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