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Why do I always struggle showing my true self to everyone?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 09/13/2021 at 10:48pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor


Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.

Top Rated Answers
February 7th, 2015 9:38pm
That's an interesting question. It's one that I'm still dealing with right now. I don't know *why* it happens, because that's different for every person. For me, it's partly because of a sense of vulnerability and fear of judgment from those who know me. I can also feel like there's no one who will understand and no one I can trust. But no matter what the reason is, it seems like you do want to show your true self and be more open and unafraid of expressing yourself. If you keep on trying, work out the reasons for why you struggle and find ways to combat them, you can achieve this.
December 29th, 2015 9:04pm
I'm afraid that they'll leave me. So many people have left in my life and I'm scared to show my true self because of that.
January 26th, 2016 2:06am
Being true to yourself is a really important thing. When you struggle by being someone else or not true to yourself in other words you tend to find things harder to deal with and you will always feel insecure worrying that someone will find out the truth about you. The people around you can also vary when you are not yourself as to when you are yourself (exp: Friends). You will always want to have friends with you that knows your true self rather than the ones that don't. Cause the ones that don't finds it easier to leave when they find out the truth.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
October 7th, 2019 9:49am
It may be because you have internalized something from a close-minded upbringing or environment. It may be because of fears of people's reaction. There could be many reasons, but it helps a lot to surround yourself with supportive people and work on your self-love to increase your confidence and strength when it comes to opening up. It helps to know you're not alone!
April 30th, 2015 3:28am
It happens to everyone, I am still struggling with that. There is nothing wrong with being self conscious, but in the end of the day it is you that can make the decision.
May 8th, 2015 6:11am
It is only human to sometimes struggle showing your true colors to others, nowadays people are so quick to judge. It's not a problem within, it's a problem around.
May 17th, 2015 8:53am
Everyone is struggling to show everyone their true self. It could because of the norms society has dictated upon us or merely because of the upbringing we received and their environmental factors. The best way to feel better is to stop and think whether your actions will hurt others and if they really don't, I couldn't a legit enough reason to restrict yourself.
September 14th, 2015 8:50pm
Just come and say loudly who you really are you dont have to struggle if they dont like you or they have a problem with YOUR TRUE SELF its their problem then do not think too much about other peoples problem!!
January 25th, 2016 11:03pm
It is a possibility that you are either ashamed of who you are. Or you're scared of what they might think.
May 2nd, 2016 2:30pm
It is normal to be scared for that. In fact, most people do not show their true selves to people due to being embarrassed or what not. An example would be showing your cuts to someone. You may start to cry because you are showing yourself to someone. You might need to only show your true self to certain people or show certain parts of your true self to certain people.
February 6th, 2017 12:47am
Showing your true self to everyone is difficult because it can feel very vulnerable. Often we can be ourselves around people that love and support us because we know they will accept us, but we struggle to be ourselves around unfamiliar people because we don't know how they will react. It's OK to be more reserved around some people. It doesn't mean you aren't being your true self: it just means that you're establishing trust.
September 25th, 2017 6:18pm
We do this to protect ourselves from unwanted judgement. Honestly this is normal. The way you act around a stranger compared to your closest friend is completely different. You know your boundaries, so feel free to open up at your own pace.
December 19th, 2017 1:40pm
There always resides the fear of judgement and not being enough. For sone people taking judgement is easier while you may be having a bit of a harder time dealing with. I would suggest, if you may, for you to start with small, baby steps. Start revealing very small, miniscule portions of your true self to people and take their response in good light. I hope things work out for you! :)
July 3rd, 2018 12:23pm
Showing your true self to others can be scary so maybe you struggle to do so because you fear they will reject you or disapprove.
August 10th, 2020 8:24pm
You think you’ll get judged, be left out, be called the weird one, and think you wont be accepted. The reason people even started to struggle with this is because of the high standards of society. Normal is not even “normal” at all. It’s just a “perfectly respectable valid human being” chosen by society. You also might have started struggling just recently because of stress, or anxiety. And trust me, the advice just go and be yourself is so not helpful. You have to give yourself time. To some people they can meditate and talk their way out if the struggle, but some others wont. They’ll have to encourage themselves, and it might even take 3 years. And it’s completely fine. The time will come soon for you to realize you’re valid no matter what society says. The time hasn’t even come to me, though.
September 13th, 2021 10:48pm
From my experience, there are a lot of reasons why you would struggle for showing your true self are because you're not confident enough, peer pressure, and people you hang out with are just not a true friend that would respect what you like and who you really are. About a few years ago, before pandemic I've been a kpop fan through out my teenage years and I've always been so scared to share whenever my friends ask me: "hey, what is you're favorite artist or singer?" I always hesitated and then said "oh just ariana grande and jb" these singers who everyone loves, because I thought my friends would think that I'm weird. However, as I grew up I really realized, people will always judge no matter what you do. So I just opened up and showed that I'm a kpop fan for years to my friends, really be sharing what I am passion for and like is what all matters. I would also say, if no ones making you feel like you should of act like someone else or to be that girl/boy who everyone likes, be confident show your true self, being real be yourself do whatever makes you happy! if your friends/peers don't accept you, don't ever waste the time on them because obviously they are not worth your time and mind! I believe you will be a very likable and sweet person :)